Finding a job is stressful enough, but when you’re tasked with an exam to solidify attaining the position, it can be taxing.
A Redditor who was desperate to land another job after being laid off and antsy being at home every day finally secured an important appointment for a virtual exam as part of the job interview.
The Redditor asked one thing of their husband during this crucial time, and when things didn’t go according to plan, the resulting conflict led them to visit the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Downtown-Western3002 asked:
“AITA for shouting at my husband when he came into the room during a timed test?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“About 3 months ago I was laid off from my job in the tech industry. It was unexpected and a big hit for me mentally, as I enjoy working and feeling like I’m good at my job and contributing.”
“I’ve been working through a resulting identity crisis with my therapist, but I absolutely hate being at home and not having a routine, so I’ve also been applying far and wide. I’ve had a couple interviews, but none have led to an offer yet.”
The OP continued:
“Last week I was invited to complete a timed written test for a company that I would love to work for. They informed me in advance the timed test would last an hour, and told me the date and time when they would send it to me.”
“I’m someone who gets extremely nervous during interviews and these things, and so I spent a lot of time preparing, but I also told my husband that I will need to not be disturbed during the test at all.”
“I asked him to please not walk into the room during the duration of the test, at all, and to not bother me in any way, because I know how stressed I get and how I need maximum focus, and he reassured me that he understood.”
Was the OP’s request honored? Read on and find out.
“Fast forward to the test yesterday, I was taking it in our second bedroom/office with the door closed. With about 15 minutes to go, the nerves and stress started to set in, and I was a little frantic trying to finish the task and leave myself time to proofread.”
“That’s when my husband walked into the room saying ‘sorry ignore me ignore me’. Right away I said ‘please get out’ and he said ‘ignore me I just need to grab something quickly’ and started digging through the drawer of the desk I was sitting at.”
“That’s when I lost my temper and yelled ‘I can’t ignore you, I need you to not be standing over me right now, just get the f’k out!’ “
“He left and made a point to slam the door. Afterwards, I came out to apologise to him and explain that I was just really stressed, and that I had asked him, repeatedly, to stay out of the second bedroom for one hour.”
“He said he doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal and that I massively overreacted by snapping, and hurt his feelings. It’s been over 24 hours and he’s still mad at me.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Why did you apologise at all? How are you not recognising that he tried to sabotage you? At the draw you were SITTING AT?”
“Is he supportive of your career? Do you make more money than him? Have you had disagreements on whether you should be taking on more domestic duties? Have you had conversations re children?”
“He knew exactly what he was doing and frankly you UNDER reacted. Why is his hurt feelings a whole thing when he’s the one who f’ked YOU up?”
“Edit: it seems like some people really don’t understand why OP’s behaviour amounts to sabotage, as opposed to just someone being inconsiderate. Being inconsiderate implies that you are UNAWARE of what impact your behaviour has on someone else. When that person has asked you not to do x for the sole purpose of avoiding certain harm, and you do x anyway, you don’t get to play the ‘oh I’m just stupid’ card. You don’t get plausible deniability when you were EXPRESSLY TOLD certain harm would result from a specific action.”
“Furthermore, if he was just stupid, and his wife yelled at him, someone who was being ‘just stupid and inconsiderate’ would APOLOGIZE for causing the exact harm that his wife had told him would happen if he did the exact thing he said he wouldn’t do. The fact that he doubled down and is now turning it back on her, shows that it’s not just sheer stupidity.”
“In all seriousness OP – sabotage doesn’t require this huge premeditated scheme to keep you unemployed, just like abuse doesn’t require one’s husband to punch them in the face for it to qualify as abuse. He doesn’t even need to intend for you to not get the job. All that’s required is that he knew by coming into the room that he was reducing your chances of performing well, and he did it anyway. Good luck ❤️” – dowjess555
“This. 100% this, OP. You deserve the apology. Your partner was ANYTHING BUT a partner to you that day, and to top it off with his little pout, I wonder if he wasn’t either sabotaging the interview on purpose, or if he enjoys being the ‘provider’ and dislikes the idea of your gaining independence again.” – DaydreamTacos
“It kind of seems deliberate. He knew she had the test, that it was timed and she asked him to leave her alone for that time period. He can be as butt hurt as he wants, but whatever he ‘needed’ could have waited. If it was that important he should have gotten it before the test. NTA.” – otter_mayhem
“The only way his actions could have been worse is if he did this to you during a proctored exam or a live interview. You probably would have failed if he had interrupted the exam. And if this is for a remote position, he would have proven to the interviewers that you do NOT have a distraction-free workspace. It’s a complete and utter lack of respect for you and what matters to you.”
“I think you need to have a conversation with him. And whatever you do, do NOT apologize again.”
‘Honey, I need to understand why you did that. You know that I’ve been a wreck since I lost my job and have been killing myself for hours every day on LinkedIn. I finally got something set up and told you repeatedly to please stay out of the room. You promised me that you understood. So why did you do that?’
‘You really and truly couldn’t respect me enough to give me the entire time? You just had to have your headphones right at that moment and couldn’t wait another 15 minutes until I was done??’
‘What if I had been in the middle of a zoom interview, would you have barged in on that too? I mean, do you not want me to get another job? I realize I hurt your feelings, and that was not my intention, but I honestly have no idea why you did this to me.’
‘No, I am not overreacting. You know how much this meant to me, and how nervous and anxious I was. The only thing I asked of you was to please not disturb me for one hour. You said you understood. You couldn’t even give me enough respect to follow through on the one thing I asked for.’
‘No, I am not overreacting. The more and more I think about it, it seems like you did this on purpose. Because even though me taking this test for a potential new job is a big deal to me, it’s not a big deal to you. To me, this is the equivalent of me coming to your work while you’re in the middle of a big presentation and interrupting to ask if you paid the electric bill.’
‘Or it’s similar to me vacuuming the hallway carpet outside your office while you’re in a big meeting. You obviously don’t respect me enough to give me the common courtesy I deserve.’ – DisneyBuckeye
“NTA. At best, he was insensitive and selfish, trying to act like he wasn’t a huge distraction and a huge disappointment for not being able to stay out of a room for 60 minutes.”
“At worst, he was intentionally trying to sabotage you.”
“What was the thing that he needed so urgently?” – DrTeethPhD
“His headpohones.” – OP
“He is officially a jacka**. Possibly risking a new job for headphones? You could by him a damn pair of $500 Bose with the money you would stand to lose.” – RoxyRoseToday
“He was purposely sabotaging you and disrespecting your clear boundary. He didn’t need his headphones, he wanted them. And now somehow, YOU are the one who apologized and he still gets to be mad?”
“NTA and this guy is gaslighting the f’k out of you.” – ThatsItImOverThis
Redditor unanimously backed the OP for her response.
They strongly believed the husband knew better than to intrude at such a crucial moment out of respect for the situation, especially after being apprised beforehand of the OP’s anxious proclivities.
Because of this, many thought the husband may have been deliberately intruding to sabotage her chances of landing the job.
Hopefully, that’s not the case. Otherwise, they have much bigger problems to deal with.