The harm reduction model is a public health and social justice framework that aims to minimize the negative physical, social, and sometimes legal consequences associated with behaviors without requiring total abstinence.
Prevalent in substance abuse treatment, it's been expanded into tackling issues of environmental damage and conservation. Like reducing meat consumption with designated meatless days instead of going completely vegan.
A self-described vegetarian turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over their decision to switch their diet during an upcoming vacation.
Gloomy-Internet5696 asked:
"AITA for wanting to eat meat on my vacation?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I’ve been a vegetarian/mostly plant based for 8 years. I do it because I love animals and don’t want to eat them."
"I used to love meat so it was very hard at first, although I have gotten used to it. I also don’t judge or really care at all what anyone else eats and will cook/serve meat for close friends and family for special occasions even."
"My partner is vegan and he teeters on being annoying about it. Like whenever I have family over for a BBQ and cook burgers (my mom does buy the meat) he gets mad, even though I bought a whole separate grill."
"We are going on a 3 week trip in the summer to the Mediterranean. I’ve always said that if I were to go on a special trip, I would eat whatever I wanted."
"I was talking to my sister about it, not even him directly cause I knew he’d be annoyed, and he overheard and practically yelled at me. That I’m betraying the animals and my ethics, blah, blah, blah. And that might be true, but I think I deserve to splurge a little after 8 years of self control."
"AITA for wanting to eat meat on this trip?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I'd be eating meat on my vacation that goes against my vegan partner's beliefs."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"You can eat whatever you want, but it seems pretty clear from how you wrote your post—you reduced your partner's strongly held beliefs to 'blah, blah, blah'—that you're only a full-time vegetarian to appease your partner. Your vacation might be a good opportunity to drop that for good and switch to something more authentic, like meat in moderation and looking for ethically sourced animal products."
"But if you've really been showing self control for eight years, then you need to start eating meat before leaving on vacation. The first few times you eat animal protein—especially red meat, you're probably going to feel sick, even if you're a lacto/ovo vegetarian or a pescatarian."
"You won't want to spend days on your vacation in the bathroom or feeling cramps and bloating while sightseeing." ~ MohawMais
"NTA, but if you've been a vegetarian for 8 years switching to eating meat with your meals for 3 weeks may not be super comfortable for you. I would start reintroducing meat now." ~ MsKrueger
"I mean NTA for WANTING to, but after 8 years that meat is not gonna agree with your stomach." ~ CyberAceKina
"I think your bigger question should be, 'should I go on vacation with my partner' if he is going to try to control what you eat and is he gonna control what you do and when you do it. Nobody and I mean nobody needs a controlling partner."
"If this is his style of living and you don't like his 'blah, blah, blah, you need to look for another partner, or plan on a very miserable short marriage!"
"Enjoy the Mediterranean, enjoy your vacation, and make plans for when you get home, cause it it’s not gonna be the same ever again." ~ stillakikin50
"NAH. You're free to eat whatever you want. But a part of your partner's attraction to you is the fact you share the same beliefs. He’s not justified in yelling at you, but he’s allowed to be upset at least. To him, this probably seems like a betrayal." ~ fwomaja
"OP you and your partner need to have a sit down conversation about ethics. Your ethics are more fluid than his and that's okay. And he isn't wrong for feeling upset by this misalignment."
"The question is how do you want to move forward with it. Are you willing to have your house be meat free or is that not a compromise you're willing to make? Are you willing to not eat meat on a trip you're taking together? Does your partner want to be with someone who is okay with meat consumption?"
"No one is wrong in their feelings, but the conversation does need to be centered on what you are both willing to do and accept. The phrase practically yelling is concerning but I also have questions on what that means." ~ Quietinthemorning
"Plus, it's also about intimacy. As a vegetarian for over 10+ years I cannot kiss anyone that eats meat, before they thoroughly brushed their teeth and rinsed their mouth, but even then I'm grossed out. It's like with cigarettes, the taste and smell persists for way too long, and for people that don't eat meat it can be genuinely repulsive."
"OP's partner shouldn't have yelled at them I think so too. But if my partner were to say they're going to eat meat after almost a decade... I'd be genuinely bummed and questioning if they truly have the same beliefs as I do, and if this is a person I can be happy with forever, because vegetarianism / veganism are lifestyles, not diets. I can't turn off my vegetarianism when I'm abroad, and I would never even want to."
"I don't judge people for what they eat, but dating a meat eater is not possible for me. I could understand, if OP's partner is the same."
"NAH, but perhaps OP and partner are not/no longer compatible." ~ Then-Toe8328
"Speaking from my own experience, in my culture (I'm Chinese), vegetarianism is common because of the prevalence of Buddhism. Devoted Buddhists will sometimes adopt vegetarianism for reasons of mercy and to minimize lives taken."
"Depending on their needs and devotion, people may adopt vegetarianism to various degrees, like 'beginner' vegetarians will eat meat free meals on the 1st and 15th of the agrarian calendar, and as you advance you may have more and more designated meat free days until you're a 'full-time' vegetarian."
"Making your meat free days consistent with days of the calendar also makes it easier for your family to meal plan, as most people lives in multi-generational homes and not everyone is gonna be vegetarian, or vegetarian to the same degree."
"The point I'm trying to make is that most vegetarians and vegans adopt meat free diets for compassionate reasons like yourself. It doesn't have to be a zero-sum, black and white practice. Any degree of vegetarianism is an act of compassion and commendable."
"Your partner's reaction to dietary choices outside of his own, however, is not compassionate and in my opinion defeats the purpose of this benevolent practice." ~ dcmng
"I've heard it described as like, if you really want to be a vegetarian but just can't give up bacon, then why don't you just be a vegetarian except for bacon?"
"It really doesn't need to be a zero sum game." ~ thatfluffycloud
"In the West I find that a vegetarianism or veganism is often pushed as a very all or nothing thing, but there are a lot of people who are interested in reducing their meat consumption or ending unethical meat consumption (like consuming meat from factory farms, or veal, etc...) who aren't as interested in becoming full vegetarians." ~ just_a_wolf
"If the goal is to minimize animal suffering, convincing 10 people to cut 50% of their meat consumption is equivalent to convincing 5 people to go 100% veg. And I don't think he's convinced a single soul by yelling like that." ~ zincfingers-
"As a fellow vegetarian, don't listen to all the 'you have to do something 100% or you don't have the morals you claim' comments. I mostly take the bus, but sometimes I take a cab. I mostly take short showers, but sometimes I take a bath."
"And yes, when I'm traveling somewhere new and different, I don't limit myself to vegetarian food. So I personally think you're NTA. I believe in harm reduction and that there's nothing special about 100% vs 99%."
"But, that's my own take. If your fiancé is a pretty hardcore vegan who sees meat as murder/slavery, etc..., I can also understand specifically not wanting a life partner who eats meat. Ultimately, if that's his take then that's his take." ~ StuffedSquash
"NTA, only you can decide what you do and don’t eat, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who food polices you and everyone around you?" ~ Glittering_Nobody813
"Your partner is obviously being way too Vegan Main Character and needs a boundary check. They have a right to be surprised that you would selectively employ an ethical decision, and be disappointed about it, but how they're handling it is pretty terrible."
"You're obviously the ultimate authority for what you eat, you know, short of going cannibal. You don't need their permission. However, this is obviously a shared thing in your relationship, and you seem to be setting aside what you describe as strongly held ethical reasons for not eating meat, just because...you changed locations?"
"That would ring a little hollow to me. If I were your partner and a vegan (which I'm not), I would be surprised and probably a little disappointed. I mean, I'm a filthy omnivore, so I'm not going to judge you for eating meat, but it does seem weird that you would choose not to for ethical reasons, but then drop it pretty quick for a trip."
"What happened to the ethical reasons? At the end of the day, your body is yours; you don't have to meet anyone's expectations. But on again, off again, strong morals and ethics are a little dip into AH territory to your partner's strong beliefs, he thought you shared. Mild ESH." ~ zealot_ratio
OP and their partner don't seem to be on the same page. The OP appears to embrace moderation as a valid option, while their partner is an absolutist. If he thought they were too, his sense of betrayal is understandable.
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