Relationship responsibilites can be tedious and difficult.
Some partners can really irritate the other when not paying attenton to said duties.
There is already so much to fight about.
Being careless is one issue that can be rectified.
Redditor JakeBFishin_ found themselves in a personal dilemma regarding their wife's mishandling of their food orders, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"'AITAH for demoting my wife…?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wife and I have an unspoken system."
"I drive, she checks the bag before we leave the drive-thru because, according to her, 'they always forget something.'"
"The problem is… she never actually checks the bag."
"She’ll grab it, peek inside for maybe half a second, say, 'Yep, we’re good,' and hand it to me."
"This has resulted in..."
"Missing fries."
"Missing sauces."
"The wrong drink."
"A burger that had nothing on it except the bun and patty, literally."
"One memorable occasion where they forgot my entire meal."
"Last week we got home, and once again my order was wrong."
"I looked at her and said, 'I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to let you go. We’re moving your position to Quality Assurance Consultant. Effective immediately, I will be checking the bags.'"
"She laughed… until I made a fake termination letter when we got home that cited 'repeated failure to identify missing nuggets.'"
"I even gave her a tiny severance package—a ketchup packet and a coupon for a free Frosty."
"She says I’m ridiculous and has informed me she’s no longer speaking to H[uman] R[esources] (me)."
"I maintain that if your only job is to check the bag, you should probably... check the bag."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So… AITA for demoting my wife from Official Bag Checker?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. I'm laughing so much, but I'd also be super pissed." ~ Senior-Term-635
"Me too."
"If my husband tried this, I'd be laughing so hard I'd probably have an accident."
"Though with the number of times we've had things missing from delivery orders, there are fast food outlets we don't order from anymore unless we dine in so we can immediately point out the missing items." ~ Fluffbrained-cat
"Yeeeeah, NTA, but heads up, the new bag checker (you) will also miss something within a month, and the termination letter she writes back will be devastating." ~ Armantvs
"NTA, she got a severance package."
"Petty, I like it." ~ Gasguy9
"NTA - May this kind of love, mixed with the right amount of humor and a willingness to go the extra mile for the bit, always find me!" ~ helladiabolical
"OH, Yes!"
"That kind of understanding, both on the same smart-alec page, is a rarity that most folks miss."
"Laughing and poking fun at your own mistakes and shortcomings in such a gentle, forgiving atmosphere, and being so of-a-mind that you finish each other's jokes---what a wonderful partnership for facing life's foibles, and a grace not given to all."
"It's quite refreshing to see such camaraderie in marriage, and I give thanks every day for the thirty-four years of such confidence and repartee that we were given."
"Today would be our 40th anniversary, and I'm smiling at the remembrance of such a giving, intelligent, kind, funny partner-in-life."
"I hit the Lottery and will always miss that sweet, warm presence." ~ ganjin42
"NTA - Former H[uman] R[esources] director here: This behavior is very concerning from a team member who has been with the organization this long."
"I would like to see the P[erformance] I[mprovement] P[lan] that was initiated following prior failures, but the demotion seems warranted." ~ venemousdolphin
"NAH, but even an adequate order checker shouldn’t be expected to open every packed burger to look for condiments."
"That’s a bit much, and also if your favorite fast food can't get orders right, maybe it’s time to either stop going there or at least get out of the car and order at the counter." ~ Bobalery
"NTA**.** She was clearly not performing the essential duties of the position."
"My only concern is whether you followed the proper procedure."
"If you are in the USA and operating in an at-will/no-fault employment state, then you should be fine, but in the UK, she should have received both a verbal warning and a written warning before termination!"
"To be honest, the ketchup severance and Frosty coupon seem fair, and the promotion to 'Quality Assurance Consultant' was a very generous attempt to preserve morale." ~ Unable_Coast9067
"NTA. This is hilarious."
"My husband and I own a small courier business - we are the only two employees."
"I have an alter ego named 'Judith from HR' with a thick East Coast accent who will call my husband and tell him he's been accused of sexually harassing his employees (it's me, folks, I'm the 'employees')."
"Sounds like normal silly spouse stuff." ~ SparklepantsMcFartsy
"NTA. I had to do this when we ordered 2 chicken gyros and got 5 plain hot dogs with some ketchup packets. "
"We live near Chicago, where no one puts ketchup on hot dogs."
"I was so pissed. From now on, I check the bag." ~ Igottaknow1234
"NTA. The only thing I would defend her on is the burger, because unwrapping them to doesn't always show you everything."
"Heck, the contents can really be difficult."
"But man, I'm the order picker-upper AND the checker."
"Since I'm driving, I pull around and park for a second and check the bags for everything."
"If anything's missing, I run in to get it."
"Every once in a while, I miss it because something's happening that makes me feel unsafe lingering to check the bags, but otherwise it's not hard, and it doesn't take more than 5-10 seconds." ~ ScroochDown
"I got demoted like that once."
"Pre-cell phones, pre-GPS."
"Supposed to be a map reader."
"But in my defense, they were going 55 down narrow city streets that had 30 mph limits and seemed to be in some panic state, oblivious and blowing through stop lights, and kept going faster and faster, and seemed not to hear me saying 'Please slow down.'"
"I really thought I was going to die, but eventually I plowed into one of those grade-off-ramp things." ~ Ok_Nectarine_4445
"It sounds like you have never heard of nepotism."
"As the HR director, you can (and should) abuse your power to benefit your friends and family (corporate America 101)."
"Offer her a position of senior Quality Assurance technician."
"She can check your food quality (like she doesn't steal your fries already), and if you get anything undercooked, you can skip the food poisoning." ~ Otherwise-Dust-3059
"Either ESH or NAH."
"Why don't you just pull the car over before you leave the parking lot and check the entire order?"
"Heck, once I even bit into the burger 2 times before I realized it was missing the one key item."
"She may be feeling stressed that you want to leave quickly, and she is only doing a cursory glance. If it is important, pull over and check the order completely and don't place the onus on her to verify the order." ~ franklinchica22
"NTA. Why are you still going to a place that keeps getting your orders wrong?"
"She keeps missing what the problem is, intentional or not."
"She's not doing the part she signed up for."
"So she doesn't get to be pissy, she doesn't get to do that anymore." ~ Mera1506
"Checking to see if a patty is on a burger is a level of inspection that would require a table and should not be accomplished in a car."
"Counting basic burgers and fries is straightforward, so that's a ding in her."
"Checking the accuracy of the driver's drink should be the driver's immediate responsibility, so that's a ding on you."
"I'd overall weigh NAH, except the terrible restaurants you frequent that miss orders." ~ Ok-disaster2022
OP came back with an update...
"My wife has been reinstated as Official Bag Checker."
"First, thanks for all the comments."
"I did not expect so many people to have strong opinions about drive-thru quality control, lol."
"After reading everyone’s feedback, I decided to give my wife another chance."
"We established a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP)."
"The terms were simple..."
"Open the bag."
"Actually, look inside the bag."
"Count the nuggets."
"Verify the fries exist."
"Confirm my sandwich resembles what I ordered."
"Yesterday, we went through a drive-thru to test the new system."
"She opened the bag, spent a solid 20 seconds inspecting everything like she was performing a federal audit, and proudly announced, 'Everything’s here.'”
"I was impressed."
"We got home…"
"My snack wrap wasn’t in the bag."
"Not the wrong snack wrap."
"No snack wrap."
"Just… no snack wrap."
"She looked at me and said, 'Well… technically, everything that was in the bag was correct.'"
"I couldn’t even argue with that."
"So after extensive negotiations, she has officially been rehired as Official Bag Checker with one condition: I now serve as Assistant Bag Checker and perform a secondary inspection before we leave the parking lot."
"HR has concluded that we will now be implementing a strict 'No departure without visual confirmation' policy moving forward."
"Also, the ketchup packet severance has been rescinded."
Glad to hear all is well, OP.
Finding common ground in a relationship is always a great breakthrough.
Fast food pick-up can be stressful.
Stay vigilant.
