Having friends and family over for dinner can be a complicated endeavor.
Namely owing to the concern that not everyone might like what you plan on serving.
Accommodating everyone’s diets and allergies can also be a burden.
Thankfully, some guests are polite enough to stomach eating something they normally hate for one night or give their hosts fair warning that their dietary restrictions might pose problems, so they might even bring food of their own.
Unfortunately, not everyone is as practical or understanding.
The family of a recent Redditor was getting ready for their annual family reunion, which culminated in a massive cookout.
Throwing a wrench in these plans, however, was the original poster (OP)’s sister, who had recently made significant changes to her diet.
So much so that the OP’s sister insisted that all the food served at the cookout adhered to her dietary restrictions and beliefs.
A demand the OP found completely unreasonable, which she had no trouble telling to her sister’s face.
Fearing she may have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister she’s ruining our family tradition by being vegan?”
The OP explained why she felt the need to put her sister in her place:
“I (29 F[emale]) come from a very close-knit family.”
“Every year, we have a big family reunion where everyone gathers at our grandparents’ farm for a week of fun, bonding, and a massive feast on the last night.”
“This feast is a big deal—it’s a traditional barbecue with recipes passed down through generations.”
“This year, my younger sister (24 F) announced that she’s become vegan.”
“While I respect her choices, she insisted that the entire feast be vegan to accommodate her.”
“My grandparents, who are in their late 70s, have been preparing for this reunion for months, planning all the usual dishes.”
“They were confused and hurt when my sister demanded they change everything.”
“I tried to find a compromise by suggesting we have a few vegan dishes alongside the traditional ones.”
“But my sister said that wasn’t good enough and that having non-vegan food at the table would make her uncomfortable and ruin her experience.”
“Things got heated, and I told her that while her new lifestyle is important, it’s unfair to expect the whole family to change a cherished tradition for her.”
“I suggested she could bring her own vegan dishes if she felt that strongly about it.”
“She called me selfish and said I was undermining her beliefs.”
“Now, my parents are torn, and the reunion is in jeopardy.”
“Half the family thinks I’m being reasonable, while the other half believes we should support my sister’s new choices.”
“AITA for telling my sister she’s ruining our family tradition by being vegan?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for confronting her sister.
While not everyone agreed that the OP’s sister was ruining everything with her decision to be vegan, they agreed that her demand for an entirely vegan menu at the barbecue was highly unreasonable, and she deserved to know that.
“NTA.”
“Offering a few vegan dishes for her is a perfectly fine compromise.”
“It could even lead to your other relatives enjoying the vegan dishes and thinking about going vegan as well.”
“But demanding that every single meal be vegan is very selfish.”
“If she has that big of a problem with there being nonvegan food, she shouldn’t come.”- tari-bunny
“NTA.”
“There is a reason why there is often a lot of backlash against vegans, and it is almost entirely down to people like your sister.”
“Her diet is her personal choice and goes against the tradition and standards that have been followed up until now – she is expecting every other attendee to compromise their enjoyment of the event (not that vegan food is necessarily bad, but in this case, it means omitting peoples favorite dishes) solely for her enjoyment.”
“While she can disapprove of people eating a non-vegan diet, she has to be able to accept it and be around it.”
“That’s not to say there isn’t room for improvement and change in traditions – there is no reason you couldn’t include for vegan options, and if society’s attitude continues to change towards veganism and such diets, then there may come a time a tradition like this starts having more vegan attendees and less traditional meat-based dishes, but that will be a natural progression over time as the whole attendee group changes, not forced upon it by one person.”- Nrysis
“She’s not ruining your family tradition by being vegan herself – she IS ruining it by insisting that everyone bend to her will.”
“So, on that basis, NTA.”
“Veganism is not a ‘protected characteristic’ under equalities law, and it’s militant entitled vegans like your sister who inspire jokes like the vegan and vegetarian jumping off a cliff, which made me go oof, AND laugh my arse off.”- TeenySod
“NTA.”
“No one has any right to dominate a menu over personal choices when they aren’t even providing the food or the setting.”
“I’d turn her own sh*t back on her and refuse to go unless there’s meat available.”- TheVaneja
“She gets to choose to be vegan for HERSELF.”
“She doesn’t get to FORCE it on others.”
“Why is that so hard for people?”
“NTA.”- angel9_writes
“NTA.”
“Your sister expects her whole family to accommodate her, but she isn’t willing to accommodate them.”- CrabbiestAsp
“NTA.”
“I’m intolerant to milk I don’t make people change an entire party just for me, I will bring my own dishes if necessary.”- No_Caramel2506
“NTA.”
“Veganism is a choice not the cult your sister is trying to turn it into.”
“Trying to force it on others is not cool. It’s bullying.”- Useful_Context_2602
“NTA.”
“My cousin is vegan and she accepts us eating meat during our last vacation together we had one evening a complete vegan dinner on the other days she got her vegan dish.”
“You could tell her she is selfish for not supporting/undermining your meat-based tradition.”- BluetoothXIII
“NTA.”
“Continue with BBQ as planned.”
“Send out a text with the menu and say any other dishes you’d like, please bring them to share.”
“She can come or not come. Leave the choice up to her.”- wlfwrtr
“NTA.”
“She is being the type of vegan that everyone hates.”
“She needs to stop pushing her agenda on the extended family and either suck it up for the family feast or not attend for that night.”
“She needs to pull her head in and stop being too entitled. It is not a good look on anyone.”-Humble_Scarcity1195
“NTA.”
“You gave her great options. She chose not to accept them.”
“The audacity to call you selfish for suggesting very reasonable compromises while she’s demanding EVERYONE change their traditions and not eat what they want and enjoy just because having nonvegan things around makes her uncomfortable?”
“What?”
“Does she think having milk or meat in the same room is going to contaminate the vegan dishes?”
“Does she know grocery stores sell nonvegan things alongside the vegan ones?”
“As someone who has worked in a grocery store employees often stock things like meat and cheese then go stock stuff like veggies.”
“So no animal products at all or is it just food?”
“Does that mean she only wears cotton or polyester?”
“No wool or silk?”
“No leather or suede belts or bags or shoes?”
“No fur coats or blankets?”
“Will she get uncomfortable and expect YOU to never use any of these things?”
“What type of mattress does she have?”
“Do her pillows have feathers?”
“If the answer to any of these is yes, then she is a hypocrite to ask y’all to change your entire feast to vegan when she wouldn’t even be a true vegan.”
“If she goes to a restaurant, is she going to throw a fit because the stranger at the table next to her ordered a burger or a steak?”
“People that expect others to change their livelihood to accommodate their CHOICES are wild.”
“It would be one thing if she developed an allergy and was asking for that to be excluded, but to demand all animal products be excluded because of her moral beliefs is a whole other level of crazy entitlement.”
“If being around nonvegan food makes her THAT uncomfortable, she should just stay home where she’s comfortable with all her synthetic and protein deficit products.”- ApprehensiveEgg6415
It can be frustrating to show up for a meal, only to discover there is no food you are able to eat.
And an all-vegan menu might be a little more understandable if this was a celebration specifically for the OP’s sister.
However, as this was a family celebration, she did not have the final say on the menu.
If the OP had been a bit more sensitive and supportive of her sister’s new vegan lifestyle, she would also have been right to stand up to her.
Regardless of what food is served, this is bound to be a family reunion to remember.