People choose a specialized diet for a variety of reasons. Some people will support and enable their diet, while others might give them grief over it.
Eliminating meat and/or animal byproducts seems to be one of the most polarizing dietary choices. People can get downright militant for or against a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle.
A young person who used to be a vegetarian turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after finding out her family didn’t support her former diet choice.
Lady_Squids asked:
“AITA For being mad that my family snuck meat in my food when I was a vegetarian?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“In high school, I was a vegetarian for a couple of years. I was really into it, not like vegan teacher crazy, but more like I just enjoyed being in a community.”
“My family is a very Christian one with—lack of a better term—a culty church/group. I didn’t show up to a thing once and had three people at my door asking why and 7 messages.”
“I’m no longer a vegetarian as an adult though. I overheard my Mother and Grandma laughing and telling something to their friends.”
“Turns out, the whole time I was vegetarian my whole family (even extended which is like 50 people) had a game where they would see how often they could sneak me meat.”
“Cooking veggies in bacon grease and stuff like that.”
“At birthday parties, family gatherings, thanksgiving, and just dinner at home. It was like an inside joke game for years, and I’m kinda upset.”
“I confronted them, but they said they were only doing it for my own good, that I needed more protein. But they kept smiling and giggling to one another about it, so it felt like more of a joke.”
“They can be a little sadistic honestly. I got sick of it once and ran away when I was 15, but was caught.”
“My family literally just chained my window down and made me write them all an apology note.”
“I dunno, maybe it wasn’t a prank and they really did do it because they cared, but it still feels mean.”
“I only just found out about this whole joke they did. I was vegetarian when I was 17 and 18, right now I’m 20.”
“They all say I’m being a drama queen for being upset. So I guess what do you think?”
“Am I the a**hole for being upset by this or should I just laugh with my family?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I was a vegetarian and I found out my family had been sneaking meat into my food. I got upset and they said they were just trying to help me, so am I the a**hole for being upset?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Make some brownies and bring them over. Let everyone eat, but you don’t eat.”
“When they ask why, say, ‘Because I know what’s in them’ and do not elaborate further then just go home.” ~ DankVapor
“Also, never eat their food again. Tell them that you can’t trust them if they acted like little kids as adults and then didn’t even have the decency to say sorry.”
“It might not be a battle worth starting, but what if you were still vegetarian? I would be mad as hell.” ~ Relative_Dentist5396
“NTA. It’s valid you’re upset by this. At the same time, you can’t retroactively do anything about it, unfortunately. So pick your battles. Although I would be wary of eating their food, considering the history of food tampering.”
“Also, you may need to help your family understand nutrition. And just basic science. Bacon grease has 0 protein in it. Because it’s a fat. Not a protein. It sounds like they think animal products = protein and that plant products can’t have protein, and that’s just horribly inaccurate.”
“To be clear, the comment about teaching their family about protein was sarcasm because they actually did this to humiliate her, not give her protein. Although OP could give them science/nutrition lessons as a tongue in cheek way to insult them.” ~ Mobile_Following_198
“Oh, it most definitely was a game to them. Although I also wouldn’t doubt the scientific ignorance. There’s a shocking amount of people who legitimately believe only animal products have protein in them. I’m not even a vegetarian, but I am a scientist.” ~ Mobile_Following_198
“People who love and respect you—even as a high schooler trying on a lifestyle—don’t do things to humiliate you behind your back.”
“People who love and respect you don’t secretly feed you food products you are choosing to avoid.”
“People who love and respect you, show you love and respect.”
“Next gathering or if it was me I would confront them individually, ‘I don’t understand how people who are supposed to love and respect me would make me the butt of a family joke that literally 50+ people were in on. I don’t understand how laughing about it together, behind my back is what family who is supposed to love me would do’.”
“‘Can you explain to me how it is you show that you love & value me as the person I choose to be & not who you think I should be? How am I supposed to trust people who would be so unkind and disrespectful? If someone did this to you would you trust them? Ever again?’.”
“OP do a little research on toxic family dynamics. The Golden Child and the scapegoats in families like this.”
“I was the scapegoat. I finally realized that they will never let me be anything but the scapegoat, the butt of the joke, the adult they make sit at the kids table and the fodder for their cruel ‘jokes’—the joke was always on me and never funny, except to them—because if I’m not the scapegoat, one of them will be.”
“I fired them as my family when I was 55.”
“Wish I’d done it by my 30’s. I’d have made deep relationships with chosen family and had more than a few actual happy holidays. You deserve better.” ~ No_Appointment_7232
“They did not care about your protein intake. Your decision made them insecure about their beliefs so they undercut you. Politely being a vegetarian makes other people so upset. NTA.” ~ plurtoburtskunk
“NTA. I continue to be amazed (more than 25 years into being vegan/vegetarian) at how simply existing peacefully and quietly eating (or not) my own thing is so…. weirdly threatening to some.” ~ Odd-Philosopher-6502
“NTA. Um, it is wrong to tamper with other people’s food. I don’t see how putting things into your food without your knowledge is funny or is a ‘joke’.” ~ DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
“NTA. It’s a about respect, which they didn’t have for you. I would tell them that this really changes how you view them and your relationships with them.”
“Hold them accountable, whenever they say they’re being truthful just point out that you can’t really know that because they have a history of lying to you. You don’t have to get mad, just be upfront that you see them differently now and that’s their fault.”
“You don’t have to cut them off or anything, but some healthy distance won’t hurt.” ~ blueswan6
“NTA and I mean, no offense, but those members of your family are mean little sociopaths. What else have they been doing to you secretly over the years? If you developed a food allergy would they think you were faking it and try and poison you?” ~ finalgirlsam
“A little sadistic?! I think you need to put some distance between you and these ‘nasty little sociopaths’ as soon as you financially and legally can do so. Hang in there!” ~ Tsurfer4
“I can see why you sought a community outside of your family.”
“They will never acknowledge what they did was wrong. You were the butt end of the joke for years. It’s just plain mean spirited.”
“NTA. I’d consider distancing myself from them. What do they bring to your table?”
“So a bunch of righteous Christians made fun of you like that. Lovely. Pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t do that.” ~ Dangerous_Abalone528
“OP this is abusive, controlling and manipulative. Jesus didn’t model this. When his disciples wanted to call down fire on others, Jesus rebuked them.”
“Regarding the meat products put in your food all those years… they passive-aggressively took advantage of you and laughed behind your back. You were and still ARE the butt of their jokes. You are not a drama queen to speak up about your boundaries being violated and made fun of.”
“Please ask yourself what you gain by letting this group of people manipulate you. Ask what you would lose by standing up for yourself and walking away. Are these relationships really worth the unkindness?” ~ SeaFans-SeaTurtles
“It sounds like you might want to talk to a therapist to get a read on what your home life was like from a third party. There’s a chance you are just habituated to some fairly abusive behavior.”
“This can become very important if you get in relationships and especially if you have kids and don’t want to mess them up.” ~ TwinkleFey
The OP’s family may disagree, but Reddit reassured them they were justified being upset at being mocked and lied to.
Where they go from here is up to them to decide.