Meat substitutes have come a long way since tofurkey and tofu-pups, some of the only options available when my Sisters dabbled with vegetarian and vegan diets.
I am an obligate omnivore. I have issues maintaining my iron levels without animal proteins. My Mother had the same issue, and yes, we tried all the supplements and meat substitutes.
But even though a meatless diet doesn’t work for me, I take no issue with anyone who chooses it.
Some people seem to take great offense, however.
A woman who has been eating a vegetarian diet for seven years turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with her father-in-law.
Sherry7Cooky asked:
“AITA for ‘sneaking’ vegetarian food into my father-in-law’s (FIL’s) meal?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé (23, male) and I (23, female) plan to get married in October of this year. I’d like to start off by saying I’m not looking to end my relationship with my fiancé.”
“I’m a vegetarian, my fiancé is not, nor are his parents. This has never been a problem for me, for him, or for his mother. But my father-in-law has always been weird about it.”
“For example, whenever we all go out to eat and I order something vegetarian, he always gives me weird looks. He also always tries to convince me to eat meat, saying things like ‘You’re really missing out’, ‘You know you want some of this’, ‘That fake meat will never be better than the real thing’, etc…”
“Yesterday, my fiancé and I invited his parents over to our house for dinner. I made spaghetti & meatballs for my fiancé and his parents, spaghetti & vegetarian meatballs for me, and I put them in two different pots and put them both on the table.”
“When his parents were grabbing their food, his father happens to grab the spaghetti and meatless meatballs instead of the real ones.”
“Now here’s where I might be the a**hole. After I saw him put the meatless meatballs on his plate instead, I decided not to tell him. He sits down, finishes the whole plate, and even gets a second helping.”
“My fiancé knew one was vegetarian. He just didn’t see his father grab from it. My mother-in-law and I assume didn’t care, and FIL didn’t notice/ask either.”
“Once his parents left, my fiancé and I cleaned up, and I told him about the whole fake meat thing. My fiancé gets really mad at me and immediately calls his dad.”
“His dad then calls me and starts berating me on the phone, saying I’m a psycho and my fiancé should leave me for trying to ‘poison him’.”
“I try to defend myself by saying I wasn’t the one that gave him the fake meat, and he grabbed it himself, which is 100% true.”
“My fiancé says I should have told him which was which, but I genuinely don’t see the problem. I know he isn’t allergic to soybeans or anything, so I don’t see the harm in him trying vegetarian food once.”
“I think I might be the a**hole because usually my fiancé always defends me when his father and I get into arguments like this, but the fact that he isn’t worries me.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I believe I am the a**hole because I didn’t tell my FIL previously because the food he ate wasn’t real meat, and let him eat the fake meat even though I knew which one he would prefer.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were split between the OP not being the a**hole (NTA) and everyone sucking (ESH).
“He knows you’re vegetarian, so he should have understood that one of the pots would be your meatless version. He could see that you were also eating spaghetti and meatballs.”
“If he didn’t put it together that there was a veggie meat version around, then his brain must be too clogged with meat fat to work properly. NTA.” ~ _imanalligator_
“Your fiancé’s immediate reaction was to get mad and call his dad to tattle on you? Are you sure you don’t have a fiancé problem?”
“I’d go with ESH.”
“The FiL is an a**hole who should give you the respect to make your own choices.”
“You were the a**hole for not informing everyone so they could make their own choices. Either make one meal for everyone, or inform everyone what is what.”
“Your fiancé was the a**hole for tattling on you like a child.” ~ PsychoTink
“I’m confused how they didn’t realize partway through the meal. OP is a KNOWN vegetarian and brought out two pots of spaghetti and meatballs.”
“One would assume she didn’t make two pots of regular spaghetti and meatballs, as well as assume of the two versions one is going to be veggie friendly for her… so when she sits down to eat, whichever one she eats out of is the one that’s vegetarian.”
“So unless she didn’t eat with them (which why wouldn’t she if she made vegetarian spaghetti and set it at the table) how would they not notice? If not all of them at LEAST the father-in-law who is eating from the same pot and has stated how he feels about her being vegetarian.”
“If he thought she didn’t bring out a vegetarian one, he would’ve commented on it. If she tried the one he thought was meat, he would’ve commented on it. But somehow, while sitting right in front of him, he didn’t notice her take from the same pot as him?”
“I’m not saying it didnt happen, just that it’s REALLY surprising that no one spotted them take from the same pot.”
“Also I’d be eyeing the fiance heavily for his reaction. It’s vegetables yall. Tf is their deal with calling it poison?” ~ Ellie_Loves_
“NTA. Did your FIL not notice that was the bowl you were eating from? Did your fiancé not put it together? Your MIL?”
“You weren’t the only one at the table who could have mentioned it, so why didn’t anyone ask what the difference was?”
“Also, I agree with others. Tattling on you and then not defending you as your FIL yelled at you are red flags from a fiancé.” ~ Special-Mess-1930
“NTA/ESH. Man, this whole anti-vegetarian thing is so embarrassing. It is solely based on toxic masculinity and men feeling like becoming a vegetarian is ‘unmanly’.”
“They seem to forget they eat vegetarian things all the time. Mac and cheese, cheese pizza, fries. But all of these manfluencer types try to say that not eating meat means you aren’t manly.”
“How fragile is their masculinity that they accidentally eat something THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE 2 PORTIONS OF and act like they have been poisoned.”
“That said, if you saw it and knew he didn’t want to eat that, it would have been kind to mention it. But it is no biggie.”
“I am pretty sure my comment will be downvoted by those who also fear that eating vegetarian food will turn them into a girl as well.” ~ magicmom17
“I find it strange they would go to a vegetarian’s home, dine with a vegetarian and not think some of the food was vegetarian.”
“Did they not see her eat the meatballs? Did they assume she was no longer vegetarian but not say anything about?”
“Odd for a FIL who makes a comment every chance he gets about meat to let that slide.”
“Would you go to a Jewish family’s home or a Muslim family’s and be surprised that the food you’re eating is kosher or halal?” ~ dwthesavage
“Bit odd that a man who regularly tells you to eat meat didn’t question why you were eating ‘meatballs’.”
“Odd too that your fiancé didn’t also wonder why you were serving yourself from the same pot as your FIL. ESH, though.”
“Your fiancé shouldn’t have gone tattling, your FIL shouldn’t have acted like you were feeding him arsenic, and you should have mentioned it when he started to serve himself the vegetarian option, knowing that he’d kick off about the ‘trick’, even though you hadn’t intended for him to eat them.” ~ cressidacole
“Massive side eye to that whole family. The man picked his own food, ate it, and had no complaints after picking at what you had been eating previously.”
“That him and your financé saw this as an attack is a show on their character. Is this how you want to live? NTA.” ~ Io6n7
The OP provided a short update:
“A bit of a quick update, but after reading your comments, I’ve decided I’m going to apologize to my FIL. Whether I was in the wrong or not, it wasn’t right to not tell him what he was eating.”
Also, I’ve seen a lot of comments saying if it was the other way around, I’d be screaming at him or something.”
“Just wanna say, no I wouldn’t. Sure, I’d be a little sad, but I’ve accidentally eaten meat 3-4 times—been vegetarian since I was 16—and I don’t really care. All you can do is move on.”
“Thank you for all your comments!”
For this OP, reconciling with her fiancé’s family was more important than who was right or wrong.
Just like her diet, she needs to do what’s best for her.