To some people... sharing food can be a realtionship dealbreaker.
Love stories have crumbled over food boundaries.
Some people just don't share food.
It's a real thing.
This issue can cause a lot of havoc between loved ones.
Redditor Background_Pizza_754 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not wanting to split food evenly with my spouse?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I make Toll House cookies almost every night."
"I usually have one more cookie than him because I have more of a sweet tooth."
"He also does a lot of snacking after work before dinner, whereas I do not."
"Tonight I started making the cookies and turned the oven on."
"There were three left; I wanted to have two."
"As soon as he realized I was preheating the oven, he asked, 'How many are left?”'
"I said three."
"He said how many are you going to have?"
"I held up my fingers two."
"Before I left the room, he said 'Can I have one and a half?'”
"I felt annoyed because we have a rocky history about sharing food."
"I really do not like to share food with him; since the beginning of our relationship, he would ask 'Can I try?' before I could even take a bite of what I ordered."
"If I slowed down my pace of eating, he would move in to 'try' my food, or ask if I was done, and it started to rub me the wrong way."
"To be honest, I do not like to share food at all, but I felt like it was greedy to say no."
"Finally I asked that he please let me be the one to offer to share rather than being so quick to ask for my food, and I even went to far as to explicitly ask 'Please do not ask me to share my food, and just give me the chance to eat how much I want before offering it to you.'"
"But he often would not respect this boundary and would still accuse me of being protective/territorial with food."
"Now that we are in therapy and learning how to assertively have boundaries, I feel more comfortable saying my preference."
"When the cookies were done cooling, I said, 'So, I am going to have the two cookies that I planned to have,' and he became very upset that I would not split the cookies evenly."
"It was almost like he did not compute that I was saying no - he kept saying, 'This is crazy.'”
"I then became angry at his reaction because of my baggage around him being entitled to food that I wanted to enjoy myself."
"He also, literally just that day, finished a mega-sized box of cereal that I brought home and only got to enjoy once."
"Like, why can you eat my whole box of cereal, but I’m being forced to split these cookies down the middle?"
"He became more upset that I was pushing back, and I told him it gave me the ick that he was acting so 'even steven' over half a cookie."
"That was probably too harsh, but it is the truth."
"Is it okay for to say no when it’s technically our shared food?"
"Or do I need to work on sharing?"
"My personal feeling is that at this point, I know myself."
"I know that I don’t like to share food, and I don’t want to be asked."
"If he sees me making a snack for myself, my love language would be for him to let me do it in peace with zero commentary or requests from him."
"In this case, it is our ritual to have them together, so it’s a bit different."
"If the roles were reversed, I probably wouldn’t be thrilled, but I feel that context does matter, and he is often snacking to the point where I sometimes don’t get to enjoy the things I bring home for myself."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Her
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"I don't know if you actually like your husband."
"You seem very tired of his BS."
"Judgement NTA." ~ Substantial_Value359
"I mean, she's resource guarding like a stray dog, but I wonder how much of that has to do with him stealing her food."
"I wonder if she's like this with their kid." ~ Substantial_Value359
"Yes, exactly. Resource guarding is a good way of putting it."
"I don’t see where he legit 'steals her food' any more than she does."
"He takes more food, she takes more dessert."
"I didn’t know that she had a kid, and that very much worries me, given that they bake cookies every night."
"Goodness, my biggest concern is that they eat horribly across the board." ~ day-gardener
"NTA. My husband used to do this to me."
"We sat down and figured out that he grew up in a household with other brothers, and anything good that came into the house got eaten right away."
"So he got used to eating any treats right away, nonstop, until he got a tummy ache. 😅."
"I grew up as the only girl with 5 brothers, in an immigrant household with patriarchal views."
"I NEVER got anything good or any treats."
"My brothers always got the best cuts of meat, first choice of everything, and I got scraps."
"When I made this clear to him, he finally understood why I was so strict about not wanting to share."
"And that I liked to SLOWLY eat treats and savor them."
"So he would eat half the ice cream, and not touch it afterwards."
"Same with cereal or chips, etc."
"He will eat his half within a day, then leave the rest for me, and not bother me about it." ~ Lighthouse_on_Mars
"I have a similar childhood experience, and then my ex also ate all my food because I ate more slowly."
"I definitely have different boundaries with food now."
"People seem to be too quick to judge. If cookies are her one chosen treat for the day, I don’t see the issue. NTA." ~ Majestic_Noise_8418
"YTA- You can't share half of a cookie with the guy?"
"I can't imagine not splitting food evenly with my spouse if there were only 3 left, but I actually care about our relationship." ~ AWholesomeHorror
"YTA for the cookie thing."
"How is this even considered 'sharing your food?'"
"You bake pre-made cookie dough squares, and there were three left when you started, so how do you decide that two of them are 'yours' and that you would be 'sharing your food' if you got one and a half each?" ~ Rundstav
But you are both AH when it comes to snacks, and seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food and with each other. But it's not about the cookie."
"As I read this, the husband has crossed her boundaries consistently, considering food sharing."
"She has let this happen most of the time, but is now pushing back and enforcing her boundaries."
"He's not used to her doing that, so he's protesting and getting angry."
"There is a lot of work to do in this relationship." ~ ValeNova
"NTA at all."
"This is not about half a cookie; it is about him repeatedly steamrolling a very clearly stated boundary and then acting like you are the unreasonable one."
"If my partner told me, 'Please don’t ask for my food, let me offer,' I’d be embarrassed to keep pushing as he does."
"The fact that he’ll demolish stuff you bought and then pull the 'even split' card on three cookies is actually wild." ~ Ok-Wealth-3404
"EXACTLY!!!"
"This is what happens with some men."
"They gaslight you, destroy your boundaries, and ruin your self-esteem."
"Then when you try to tell people, they think you're being petty. It's because they don't see the full picture. He's insulting her over half a cookie."
"She's trying to maintain the boundaries that they've sought out professional advice to put into place. NTA." ~ Caaoiitt
"Okay, I think the bigger problem here is that he eats all the snacks, and you often don’t get to have any or your share of them, and then to be asked to share evenly when he doesn’t share evenly with everything else he eats and has the habit of pestering you for your food."
"He just assumes it’s okay for him to eat all the other snacks and doesn’t think of fair or sharing with you so I can understand not wanting to share with him."
"Keep working on this in counseling, as I feel there is more to it." ~ Still_Highlight5148
"NTA. I get it actually."
"My partner used to eat my snacks, and it became a big deal over time."
"We have since resolved it, but I get it."
"His reaction was way too big. But also, maybe you should be making more cookies to share evenly if he wants more."
"What makes it nta tho is this is a recurring issue where he feels entitled to your food."
"And that's not okay." ~ TubularTeletubby
"NTA. But you have a much bigger problem."
"He's been stomping over your boundaries for years, and now that you're finally pushing back and asserting yourself, he's getting upset."
"He eats almost an entire box of 9F cereal she wanted to enjoy, and then now also wants her to share the cookie...."
"He has never had respect for your boundaries, and now that you're finding your voice, he's escalating." ~ Mera1506
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
You make the cookies.
Your cookies, your rules.
It sounds like your husband has boundary issues.
Good Luck baking.
