Making dinner plans isn't always easy.
It feels like it should be simple.
But plans for dinner have crumbled all kinds of relationships.
Who is cooking dinner in a marriage is an ancient issue.
Pans Up!
Redditor GoatCritical9265 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for forwarding my wife an instagram reel of a recipe after she asked what I want for dinner tomorrow?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wife asked me what I’d like for dinner tomorrow, and I was thinking about it."
"I saw this Instagram reel of a yummy-looking recipe, so I forwarded it to her; I said she could try cooking this."
"She went ballistic at me, saying that only she cooks, that I never cook, that she’s not a servant whose job is only to cook, and I order her around what to cook."
"I literally didn’t order her around. "
"I didn’t say cook this for me or else."
"She asked for suggestions, so I gave one."
"That’s it."
"I told her we can go to a restaurant instead, or we can try cooking it together on the weekend."
"I literally never ordered her to cook for me or told her."
"She merely asked for a suggestion, so I gave one."
"Additional notes cause everyone to ask the same questions, and I can’t reply to 200 comments:"
"I never cook."
"I do the dishes every day and other chores, but I finish work late, and it’s easier for me to just either eat out on weekends or some simple packaged food."
"I can do pan-fried steak."
"It was a simple beef noodle recipe that looked yum."
"She’s done more complex things and similar things before."
"She likes trying new recipes and has even told me she does."
"Even if I did something wrong, I didn’t deserve to get shouted at."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP WAS the A-hole.
"YTA. I love that none of the options you gave involved you cooking. Someone else always has to cook for you or with you."
"I told her we can go to a restaurant instead or we can try cooking it together."
"While you’re merely making suggestions, why don’t you suggest that you cook a meal for her?" ~ Practical_Yam9480
"This is exactly what I was going to say."
"Not one of his options involved him cooking by himself."
"YTA based on that alone."
"It just says so much about the whole situation."
"Make the recipe yourself and treat your wife that way." ~ Particular-Owl2446
"But not everyone has hidden meaning behind every question, as so many think on Reddit."
"I'm the cook in the house, and when I ask for suggestions, it's literally for suggestions, because I'm having trouble deciding."
"My partner sends me random recipes from Instagram/TikTok regularly, and will send me links when I ask for suggestions."
"I wouldn't consider it 'demanding or inconsiderate' to get literal suggestions when that's what I literally asked for, and I'm sure many others wouldn't either."
"If I'm not in the mood to cook, I say so outright."
"Why would any of you ask for suggestions when you don't actually want them. "
"If you're tired/whatever, and want ideas for an easy meal (that you've made before), SAY THAT."
"People need to learn to communicate plainly and stop expecting everyone, particularly their partners, to read between the lines."
"Not everyone understands subtext or subtlety, or has to mental load to clue in to it at all times (if I'm exhausted, I'm probably not going to hear the 'real question')."
"And Reddit REALLY needs to stop this. "
"Just say what you mean."
"Communicate like goddamn ADULTS." ~ atrumangelus
"So what?"
"He, as an inexperienced cook, might not realize that."
"A simple, 'Yeah, not today. Pick something from the regular rotation would have sufficed."
"His suggesting a new recipe does not call for her blowing up at him."
"Something else is clearly going on that makes her very unhappy with him."
"There was a lovely essay titled 'She divorced me because I left the dishes by the sink' that talks about exactly this."
"Spoiler alert: it was not about the dishes."
"P.S. Can we execute OP for using the word 'yummy?'" ~ Creepy_Purchase_501
"YTA. That question has an inherent implication of her asking for something THAT SHE'S DONE BEFORE."
"She wasn't asking for an assignment; she was asking for a suggestion."
"She wouldn't be so pissed off if she wasn't the only one responsible for feeding y'all." ~ Flat-Replacement4828
"This is the correct answer."
"She wasn't asking for more work to do, which is what trying a new recipe is (even if someone enjoys cooking generally, it is still more effort to try something new)."
"Her asking was to reduce the mental load of organizing dinner, not have OP add to it." ~ --OhWell--
"And trying a recipe from Instagram is probably more difficult than one that's written down."
"The interface is terrible for something like a recipe where you want to rewind, pause, and have exact amounts rather than just 'add flour.'" ~ SnipesCC
"Yes, very much so!"
"They are often also just bad recipes and/or misleading."
"They have to play to their audience, so they tend to overemphasize looks at the cost of taste and/or ease."
"Plus, the whole thing takes place over, at most, 2 minutes, which can make people feel that it's far quicker and easier to make than it actually is."
"Also, if you don't cook yourself, you likely won't be able to clock what will or won't work out, so it puts an extra load on the cook to make any sense of what is made and what actually needs to be done."
"Chances are you know all of this, but I have to vent after being sent these types of reels by people asking me to cook them, haha." ~ Train_Wreck_272
"Especially an Instagram reel recipe."
"I love to cook and get a lot of ideas/recipes from social media, but there’s often very little information provided in the content regarding measurements, process, etc."
"I usually spend a not-insignificant amount of time trying to find the original recipe or do some guesswork to figure it out." ~ saatchi-s
"YTA. There’s a huge difference between cooking a staple recipe that you’re comfortable with and cooking a brand new, untested recipe."
"Asking what you’d like for dinner was not an invitation to turn her into your personal chef." ~ SwimmingCoyote
"This is it."
"She's annoyed because his suggestion is a totally brand new thing that requires preparation for (buying ingredients, carefully reading the recipe, etc)."
"NOT the response to a normal Tuesday night, 'What do you want to eat?' question." ~ murahimu
"This happens a ton in my house."
“'What do you want to do for dinner?' and I would get sent a recipe she wanted to try."
"Off to the store to try something new."
"If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t yell, I’d say I don’t feel like, let’s try something else."
"I wouldn’t scream at them."
"It’s possible OP is the a**hole in some way, but all I see is the wife being a terrible communicator and partner, not him." ~ eildydar
"YTA. I get that you didn't mean to be at all, but this comes across as you ordering as if you are at a restaurant or communicating to someone who works for you."
"After she got upset, you said: 'I told her we can go to a restaurant instead, or we can try cooking it together on the weekend."'
"This is what you should have said when you sent the reel."
"In fact, cooking 'together' sounds like a major issue that your wife has."
"Specifically, that you DON'T cook. Hmmm."
"Pay more attention to this and start proactively... cooking."
"Offer to cook with her."
"Just cook!"
"Tonight, make the yummy-looking recipe. You. For your wife." ~ Even_Budget2078
"YTA. She’s probably burned out and just looking for your preference out of the usual round of meals."
"All you had to say was pasta, or meatloaf, or whatever."
"Instead, you came up with some reel of recipe that she’s never made before."
"Which is going to mean extra time looking up the recipe, shopping for ingredients that probably aren’t on hand."
"And then how involved was the recipe itself?"
"How much extra time would it mean for her?"
"Your answer would have been great if her question were: 'I really love cooking and spending time in the kitchen. I’d like to try a new recipe. Got any creative ideas for me?''" ~ 3toehedgedog
"Yeah, you kind of blew that a little."
"If you had said: Here is a suggestion, I thought this sounded good, or something like that, it probably wouldn't have gotten the same reaction, but the whole 'you could try cooking this' bit is likely what got her upset."
"That does kind of imply that cooking is her job."
"Soft YTA." ~ LdiJ46
"YTA a bit."
"Usually, ‘what do you want for dinner’ means pick something out of the list of things we usually have."
"I wouldn’t take it as an opportunity to suggest something new."
"If you had sent the link with an offer to prepare it yourself, that would be much better." ~ Underdog_888
OP came back for a second...
"Insane that you guys are still commenting on an argument that I had almost a week ago, whereas my wife and I have completely forgotten about it, and we made up."
Glad to hear you and your wife have moved beyond this moment.
Reddit did seem to have some serious issues with you.
It's great when a couple can reach a peaceful resolution.
Now, maybe y'all should start having romantic cooking nights together.
Or you cooking for your wife for a change to avoid this in the future.
Just a thought.
Good Luck.
