When two people share an apartment, it's not uncommon for them to split more than just the rent, like dividing up chores.
But in order to have a healthy relationship, the roommates have to make sure the arrangement is fair, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor whitelightnow and her roommate had an agreement to trade off doing the grocery shopping and then splitting the bill in half later.
But when her roommate repeatedly added personal items to the grocery haul and expected the Original Poster (OP) to still pay half of the bill, she started to rethink their grocery haul arrangement.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by telling my roommate that she can't keep charging me for 'her turn' to buy groceries when she buys completely different food and items than what we agreed on?"
The OP was suspicious that her roommate was abusing their grocery shopping system.
"My roommate (26 Female) and I (27 Female) split grocery costs. We take turns doing the big shop every other week and Venmo request each other for half the total."
"That sounds simple, except when it's her turn, she consistently buys stuff neither of us discussed, specialty snacks, a nine-dollar candle 'because I was already there,' skincare from the grocery store, and then requests me for half of the total receipt."
"I brought this up gently the first time it happened. She said she'd 'be more mindful.'"
"The second time, half the receipt was baking supplies for a cake she was making for her boyfriend's birthday, unrelated to our actual meals."
The OP decided something needed to change.
"I paid it both times because I didn't want to nickel and dime over what felt like small amounts, but three months in, it's added up to real money, and I'm the one always double-checking receipts now like some kind of accountant instead of just trusting the system we agreed on."
"I told her going forward that I'll only Venmo for items that are actually shared groceries, and she'll have to pay the rest of my half, because they're items for her anyway."
"She said I'm being cheap and 'ruining the whole point of splitting things evenly,' and that tracking it item by item is petty compared to how she never complained when I bought name-brand stuff during my turns."
"Am I wrong for wanting to actually stick to what we agreed to buy, or is itemizing groceries between roommates genuinely as uptight as she's making it sound?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she was not overreacting and that her roommate was doing this on purpose.
"My husband and I had a roommate for a year. We never split the grocery bill. She did her shopping, and we did ours."
"Sometimes we had two butters or two milks, and too much cheese, and it was fine."
"This friend is taking advantage of you. She could do two separate transactions; people do it all the time. NOR." - randomchick1121
"It's super easy to separate out her personal stuff from the shared groceries on a separate transaction. Sister friend is totally taking advantage." - Personal-Sherbert-12
"I shop for my sister all the time while I'm at the store. It's simple. I check out my stuff first and then do hers. She gets a receipt and Venmo's me a few bucks for the transfer. The roommate knows exactly what they are doing." - clryan92
"Apparently, 'the whole point of splitting things evenly' is for OP's roommate to con OP into covering her personal expenses." - Stock-Cell1556
"NOR. She’s like the people who order the most expensive entree, order a specialty cocktail, and get a dessert when they know everyone is contributing to the check. It’s such a rude habit. You are not being cheap. She is being greedy." - Practical_Pickle_496
"If you're going to keep doing this, agree on a mutual list you’ll go halves on. Anything outside this list is for her to buy for herself."
"She’s seeing things when shopping and thinking, 'Ooohh, if I get that today, it’s half price, because my roommate will pay half the bill!' That’s what’s happening. No way would I have had the cheek to put my boyfriend’s cake ingredients on a shared bill!"
"So rather than both shopping and duplicating items, have a core list you both get each time, and this part goes through the checkout separately, and this bill is divided equally."
"Anything else needs to go through afterwards, as a separate bill, and it’s her personal shopping. The cheeky f**kery will soon stop." - theawesomepurple
"NOR. She’s using you. She’s pretending you’re making a big deal over nothing. That’s not what’s happening."
"The only one who has a good thing going here is her." - Lucyfuss10
Others agreed and suggested the OP add personal items to her next shopping trip to prove a point to her roommate.
"NOR. Start buying personal items during your trips to the grocery store, too." - GoldenEagle828677
"Buy some very expensive personal items... She doesn't mind you covering half of her stuff... See if she reciprocates... LOL." - trueLOVElost3everr
"OP should start buying $50 gift cards every week." - anondogfree
"Next time you shop, add a bunch of personal items, and bill her for half, and see what she says. She knows what she’s doing."
"My roommates and I would each contribute a certain amount, and one person would take the money and shop. Receipt and change if any left went on the counter. NOR." - AlexNKarlie
"Next time it’s your turn to buy the groceries, do a big personal shop, and stock up on deodorants, skin care, sun protection cream, office supplies, etc., etc., and ask her for her half. See how she reacts." - SadFlatworm1436
Some told the OP to stop the system immediately and buy her own groceries going forward.
"You both should just start buying your own groceries. NOR." - Exotic_Yam_1703
"NOR. Stop being a doormat. Shop and cook for yourself only." - Fast_Base_8222
"Better to buy separately than keep having the same fight every other week. Saves money and saves the friendship, too."
"Not gonna lie, splitting groceries sounds great until one person starts treating the receipt like a personal shopping spree. Time to separate it." - EchGarden91
"It's time to assign cabinets and shelves in the fridge, and then everyone buys their own stuff. NOR." - Puzzled452
"She has proven herself to be both incompatible and untrustworthy in this sense. Individual groceries are definitely the way forward for your household, if you don’t want to be resentful all the time." - Kn0wMan
"NOR. Tell her that paying for half the cost of her skin care, candles, and birthday cakes has already 'ruined the whole point of splitting things evenly.'"
"Either A. You two agree on a list of the items you’ll share the cost on, and ONLY those items, AND those items must be rung through on their own receipt, or B. Sharing of costs will stop altogether. Period. There will be no more sharing of costs for non-shared items." - BlueGreenTangerine
"NOR. She's taking advantage of you."
"She blends in personal items with higher price tags on them into a shared spending pool. This obscures ownership of items and unfairly increases the average price of a bill on to you."
"You should also be careful around people like her on a restaurant tab, too. Get a separate check." - grrzerker
"NOR. Personally, I’d be more inclined to keep it simple. My housemate and I buy our own food and take turns for shared household items like dishwashing liquid, garbage bags, salt, pepper, etc. It’s easier to manage the budget that way and avoids arguments or people taking advantage."
"Keep a list on the fridge of whose turn it is for the basics as they are purchased. It helps avoid one person always buying the cheap stuff, like garbage bags, during their shop, while the other person always gets stuck buying the pricier items. You literally take it in turns paying for individual household items."
"In my experience, once a housemate like yours has shown they are willing to take advantage, they have shown you who they are. Believe them. It will lead to resentment and frustration if you allow this to continue." - myshtree
"NOR."
"I imagine this arrangement was in some attempt to circumvent squabbles over who ate whose food, if you eat very similarly or something, and just reducing the number of monthly grocery trips for one person."
"Worth a shot, but unfortunately a failed experiment because your roommate thinks you're stupid."
"Maybe this started as her way of balancing what she perceived as her paying for your name brands, but she could have just addressed that with you directly, and it isn't that anymore."
"It is actually common sense that your shared grocery expenses don't include personal items your roommate doesn't have access to nor intention to use. Maybe a one-off like the candle could pass, but no, she's trying to discount her personal purchases on your dime and you know it."
"Y'all are too old for these games. You need to just end the agreement and support your own eating independently."
"Be real prepared for your next conflict to be her eating your food when she's run out or been too lazy to shop." - Hellcat_Mary
The subReddit could get behind sharing the load when it comes to doing the meal planning, grocery shopping, or meal prep, but that only involved groceries that both people would eat.
The OP and her roommate would be better off doing what most roommates do and splitting the fridge up into sections, making them both responsible for their own planning, purchasing, spending, and cooking.
