Losing weight can feel like a massive achievement.
But not everyone sees it that way.
Some people will try to dim that light.
Redditor u/Aggressive_Bed3169 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for yelling at my retired doctor grandmother after catching her sneaking sugar into my food and throwing away my stuff?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (20 M[ale]) am a Uni student, 173 cm, and over the last 8 months I dropped from 90 kg to 72 kg."
"I decided to lose weight because I was dealing with a lot of depression and needed some kind of visible change in my life to pull myself out of it."
"It didn't totally fix my mental health, but hey, at least I look a bit better... lol."
"I'm not even trying to lose more weight right now."
"I'm just focusing on eating at maintenance and hitting the gym to drop the leftover stomach fat."
"But even though I'm at a healthy weight, my family keeps lashing out at me."
"They keep saying I'm too skinny and constantly make weird comments about my body."
"The main issue is my grandma."
"She’s a retired doctor who used to work in an infectious disease ward at the local hospital."
"You’d think a literal medical professional would get it, but she has been actively sabotaging me."
"A while ago, my food scale just mysteriously went missing."
"I tried managing without it, but I still have trouble knowing my calories purely on 'feel,' so after a couple of weeks I bought a replacement."
"A few weeks later, that one vanished too."
"They were barely $7 a pop, so it wasn't a huge financial hit, but I eventually found out she was straight up throwing them out."
"Then she started messing with the food she gives me."
"She’s super loved in our town and has a sh*t ton of connections (a while back I was setting up a wifi mesh for a prosecutor she’s friends with lol)."
"She gets tons of fruit and stuff from former patients, and makes smoothies for everyone a couple times a week."
"Yesterday I walked into the kitchen early and caught her dumping spoonfuls of sugar into the blender for mine."
"When I confronted her, she admitted she's been doing it for weeks because I 'looked sick and needed calories.'"
"She’d been lying to my face the whole time, saying they had no sugar, while giving everyone else the actual sugar-free ones."
"And I didn't notice that they were too sweet because she told us she uses erythritol."
"I got super pissed and yelled at her."
"I told her that sneaking secret ingredients into someone's diet is a huge violation of trust and just messed up, especially for someone who worked in medicine."
"I said I’m never eating anything she makes again and told her to pay me back for the two scales she threw away."
"Now she is furious."
"The rest of my family thinks I was way too disrespectful to an elder and that she was just acting out of love because she was worried."
"You know, the classic Christian grandma love excuse."
"They're demanding I apologize."
"I feel like I'm completely justified since she lied to my face and threw away my stuff, but my family thinks I overreacted by yelling."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA, grandma is a massive AH."
"Look up 'enmeshed family dynamic,' OP."
"It might explain (but does not excuse) your family siding with her." ~ ReineDesRenards
"Oh, I am a Canadian Croatian and completely understand the cultural/social expectations and systems, especially if you're a woman."
"On a side note here- you could always just give her a great-grandchild to fatten up/keep occupied, make her take longer naps... grin."
"Not sure that certain generations appreciate the concept of 'depression', especially a grandma who likely lived a lot of life with some food insecurity re: war/the remnants of war/austere living conditions."
"I see both of your points, but the cool thing is... is that you have identified this as a concern, understand the reason for your feelings, and are working on them."
"That being said, she should replace your scales and accept that she went too far, regardless of her age."
"I'm a bit more evil."
"I would have probably come home with a band-aid on my arm, a blood sugar test, and pamphlets on diabetes and start pulling things out of the pantry and reading the ingredients."
"You are NTA. :)" ~ TextTickularTrauma
"OP, it's not okay that someone is messing with your food, but I can potentially see why family members might be alarmed, watching you lose significant amounts of weight."
"Your current weight might be healthy for you; it might not be."
"I don't know your situation."
"But I can tell you that my doctor would be concerned if I lost 20% of my body weight in 8 months."
"I think this is probably something you need to talk to your family about to let them know what your current goals are (like not losing more weight, getting super fit)."
"Hopefully, when they understand, they'll support your goals or be able to communicate concerns in ways you can address them."
"If they can't support healthy goals because of their own issues, then that's a different problem." ~ Arienna
"NTA... even if you were underweight AND actually trying to gain weight, adding loads of sugar is a really unhealthy way to do it."
"And it's one thing to be polite to an elder when they ramble, but it doesn't stretch to this."
"I doubt you'll change anyone else's mind, but no matter how old someone is, they can still do wrong, and you weren't wrong to stand up for yourself."
"It's possible the rapid weight loss was seen by your family as a sign of depression; sometimes past generations of trauma show up in food-related issues in families."
"But this behavior from your family is probably a sign you should work on a plan to move out on your own."
"And in the meantime, only eat food others have prepared if you can see it taken from the large batch for everyone in your family." ~ SafetyFluid8535
"NTA. What she did was completely wrong, utterly indefensible, and unethical."
"And she does in fact owe you for both scales."
"Start swapping out food items in the home - do your parents/family buy full-fat milk?"
"Dump it and get skim or buttermilk. Eggs?"
"Throw them out and replace with cartons of egg white or vegetarian egg substitute. Butter?"
"Throw it and get olive oil-based margarine."
"Throw out their bathroom scale."
"Or blender. Or toaster."
"They'll get the message." ~ Objective-Pound2185
"NTA, no matter what she thought or what her motivation, doing it behind your back is wrong."
"She is the one who owes you an apology, and your whole family is wrong to think otherwise." ~ TastiSqueeze
"Not the as*hole."
"Grandma, I apologize."
"I should not have yelled at you, but you should not deceive me by putting sugar in the smoothies; you should not steal from me by throwing away my scales."
"And I will not eat anything you prepare from now on, unless I watch you the whole time."
"I apologize for yelling; you should apologize for lying and stealing."
"If you refuse to apologize, I will have a very hard time being around you again." ~ yeahmaybe2
"NTA. I just want you to know that there is nothing about love here; she can lie to others and even herself, to the point she actually thinks so, but it’s not about that."
"It’s about control, and also thinking that what she interprets as the 'right thing' is the objective truth and you don’t know better, completely disregarding your autonomy as a human being."
"You’re right, it is fu*ked up".
"Ignore your family." ~ Reikotsu
"So she thought you looked 'sick' and instead of, you know, asking if you're okay or suggesting a check-up, she decided that the thing to do was to tamper with your food and (I assume) hope it wasn't diabetes or an as-yet undiscovered food intolerance?"
"NTA. It doesn't matter why she did it."
"Respect is earned, and your grandma just threw away every scrap of credit she'd spent your life earning." ~ tsukinofaerii
"NTA, and I know 72kg is not underweight, and you know if you are really 72 and that you aren't padding that number."
"But it concerns me that a doctor is concerned about your weight, so if you padded that number because you didn't think Reddit would agree with you if you said your real weight, then you should really think about what that means." ~ DSMRick
"Right, because if you're too skinny, you definitely need more calories from sugar rather than protein."
"If she was actually concerned about your health, she'd sneak healthy calories into your food."
"She's literally just trying to make you fatter."
"Is your family all overweight? NTA." ~ ravencrowe
"NTA. You can give a normal grandmother a bit of grace, but she's qualified; she knows she's trying to make you overweight." ~ utterly_baffledly
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your grandma is out of line.
Her heart may be in the right place, but she is overstepping.
