Being on a strict diet can be brutal.
Everywhere people turn, there is temptation.
That's why developing willpower is an important part of dieting.
Other people can still eat whatever they wish.
Just because you're restricting what you can eat doesn't mean you can force those on the people around you.
Redditor u/hoetheory found themselves in a dilemma regarding their roommate's diet, so they turned to the"Am I The A**Hole"(AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH: I’m eating the same when my roommate is on a diet."
The original poster (OP) explained:
"As the title suggests, my roommate is on a diet."
"It’s a protein-shake-only diet, one shake per day. "
"It’s 'doctor-approved' and monitored by her doctor."
"It’s essentially starving yourself at 800 calories a day, but that’s another conversation."
"I brought home some cookies as leftovers from a party on day one of her diet."
"They’re some of her favorite cookies, but I didn’t know that."
"She is livid".
"She doesn’t have permission to eat my food whenever she wants."
"My food is mine, her food is hers."
"We share with permission from the other."
"She claims I’m rude and unsupportive and should’ve put the cookies elsewhere in the house… no."
"I’m not doing that because I have A[ttention]- D[eficit]- D[isorder] and will forget about them and may get rodents or bugs."
"And where would I even put them?!"
"We don’t really have a pantry and tend to keep baked goods and breads on the table, so it’s not like I put them there to taunt her."
"That’s just where they 'go.'"
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the as*hole here? I really don’t think I am???"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here... for the most part.
"She's wrong, but also 800 calories is rough."
"All liquid is even worse."
"If she's particularly obese, it would be kind to put your goodies in a container of some kind so she doesn't have to look at it, but you don't have to." ~ Due_Ad_6085
"My uncle did the whole one shake a day weight loss thing."
"It was run through a hospital weight loss program!!!"
"Fu*king crazy!"
"He lost all the weight he wanted to over the course of about a year, maybe?"
"He was able to maintain his weight for only maybe 4 or 5 months after coming off the diet, then proceeded to put all the weight back on and more because he never dealt with his junk food addiction."
"We’re Canadian, and this was through a clinic at one of our local hospitals."
"Initially, I refused to believe that this was run by doctors, as it goes against almost all the science regarding weight loss."
"But eventually he sent another family member (who was also incredulous) a link to the clinic."
"Yes, it was run by doctors."
"Unbelievable." ~ weevil_season
"NTA, her diet is not your diet." ~ peakpenguins
"It's weird that you titled this 'your roommate' when it's your mom."
"It makes me think you know you're in the wrong on some level and you're trying to downplay."
"You're allowed to eat whatever."
"But you could be more considerate of where you are leaving things." ~ RainbowMom17
"NTA, but it's your mom."
"I would be supportive and put them in a container so they are not visible."
"So many people complain on Reddit that their parents aren't trying to take care of their health."
"Sounds like she's actively working on her health." ~ Mysterious-Pie4586
"ESH. Her decision to go on a diet is hers alone."
"And her responsibility to manage it alone."
"On the other hand, 'I couldn’t possibly keep the box with my cookies in my room instead of front and center in one of our shared spaces' is kind of sounding like you’re wanting to make things harder for her." ~ CoachDangerous55
"ESH. This story is from 3 years ago, and details have been changed for no reason, so you're the AH for that."
"Your mom is an AH for being pissed at you and not having a conversation instead where she asks you kindly to help her with her goals and find some other way for you to keep the cookies and she doesn't have to notice them." ~ userphoenix
"NTA. Much like when a family member or romantic partner goes on a diet or makes a lifestyle change, such as becoming vegetarian, no one else in the home or family is required to make the same change."
"It is even more of a wild take to expect a platonic roommate to change their lifestyle or inconvenience themselves because of your diet choices."
"Even in cases of actual genuine medical issues that require diet changes like celiac, diabetes, or allergies, there is a point past which accommodation requests become non-viable and untenable." ~ Objective-Pound2185
"I don’t for a second believe that her doctor okayed this."
"It is starvation, which is dangerous and detrimental at any weight."
"But her weight is her responsibility, not yours."
"You are not obligated to hide all of your food from her."
"She’s an adult who can choose whether or not to stick to her diet."
"And if she slips up, that is on her, not you. NTA!!" ~ cherrycoke260
"NTA, but also you are not being a kind friend or supportive daughter."
"I mean it’s not your responsibility, BUT when I think about supporting my friends in things that are difficult and important to them, I will make minor concessions like keeping common spaces free of temptation."
"Even if it’s not hers, seeing the cookies makes the cravings worse, and she might break down and buy her own."
"Your fault?"
"Not at all."
"A small thing you can do to support a friend who is struggling. Yeah." ~ Imaginary-Yak6784
"You could try to meet somewhere in the middle and not have food out, tempting her."
"Think about it like alcohol."
"If someone's an alcoholic, they're usually not only not drinking themselves, but they avoid places where there is a lot of drinking so that they won't be tempted."
"This isn't a 'Am I legally right' sub; this is to judge behaviors, and if you're unwilling to even do the minimum to help your roommate, then you're an as*hole."
"Assuming you guys like each other and are friends, you would want them to succeed."
"Putting food where they don't see it isn't a huge change; it's not like you're being asked to also go on a diet with them."
"So do the minimum and try to avoid bringing her favorites where she can see it."
"Put cookies in a sealed Tupperware, and there won't be any bugs or rodents, or just eat them within a day or two." ~ MelonElbows
"Your roommate is out of her mind."
"This is like an alcoholic expecting the whole world not to drink anymore because they can't."
"She's chosen how to eat, and it has nothing to do with you."
"Her getting livid over you bringing cookies home to your own apartment is one of the craziest things I've heard."
"She's battling with herself, and she's not happy with what she's doing, and she's taking it out on you."
"An 800-calorie-a-day diet is dangerous, and whatever quack she's seeing that has convinced her to do that is dead wrong."
"That's starvation mode, and the body's not going to release that."
"It is a fallacy that severe caloric restriction causes us to lose weight."
"It might initially, but it's going to leave you seriously malnourished, and it sounds like, in your roommate's case, seriously cranky."
"I'd laugh my a*s off at her and tell her that she's making her own choices, or she can find another place to live cuz you're not going to be treated badly because you're eating normally!"
"Plus it's none of her damn business." ~ NamasteNoodle
"Dieting requires willpower, whether you decide to starve yourself or not."
"But demanding Others to follow your diet?"
"That's ridiculous".
"Please be rude and unsupportive of her diet, because it is HER problem, NOT YOURS. NTA." ~ angryomlette
"NTA. But also, I’d imagine this 800-calorie, one-shake meal is making them pretty moody."
"Their reaction is most likely gonna be different than if they weren’t on such a restrictive diet."
"This probably feels like torture to them."
"And if they have a food addiction… even worse." ~ Roachburbs
"NTA. My housemate is overweight and measures her food out, while I eat whatever the hell I want."
"Does she curse me for being thin and eating a whole tub of ice cream as a snack?"
"Yes, and I don’t blame her."
"But she doesn’t make me feel bad or actually guilt me by any means." ~ ArizonaFlats
"NTA. She's on the diet."
"Y'all don't share food anyways, so it's her problem."
"She may just be hangry because diets (calorie deficit) are rough, especially in the beginning." ~ Illustrious-Towel-45
"NTA. Her diet is her diet; as someone who recently quit nicotine, I wouldn't expect current smokers to not smoke around me. "
"The onus is on me to not cave in."
"No different with your roommate - just because she saw something she likes to eat doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." ~ lt_girth
"NTA. I've not stopped my husband eating biscuits and cakes, and whatever else he wants to eat, just because I've cut back on them."
"My relationship with food is for me to manage, not him."
"Your roommate is wrong." ~ Worried_Suit4820
"Not your problem, not your circus."
"If roommate has a problem, it's all on her."
"Roommate can't force people around her to adjust to her diet." ~ HallJolly9380
Reddit is with you, OP.
She has to learn to fight her cravings and seductions.
You have every right to put your cookies wherever you like.
Enjoy them.
