We don't always have to agree with our friends on everything.
Indeed, sometimes we find ourselves staying tied to certain friends despite fundamental differences of opinion.
Of course, some differences are harder to overcome than others.
Most often when religion and/or politics come into play.
Redditor Robustburritou seemed to be getting along with her roommate.
Until the original poster (OP) realized that her roommate was morally opposed to an important aspect of her life.
While the OP's roommate tried to remain friends, the OP didn't see a way for that to work out.
Concerned she might have been unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my homophobic roommate that I don’t want to be friends anymore?"
The OP explained why she didn't think she could remain friends with her roommate:
"So… I moved into my flat three weeks ago and live with this girl from South Carolina who is very Christian."
"I’m from the UK and she’s moved here for uni."
"This is super fine, I’m also religious, but she’s very fundamentalist, and I’m very gay."
"Overall, she has been lovely, very welcoming, and we’ve been hanging out and enjoying each other's company."
"HOWEVER…Every time I mentioned my gf, I noticed a slight change of energy.. something was.. off."
"Every time she would come into my room and sit with me on my bed, she would look at my wall… the wall filled with pictures of me and my gf."
"There was a slight weird vibe, but I thought I was overthinking it, as she was so lovely to me and treated me like anyone else."
"However, I could not put up with this awkward silence anymore."
"Four beers in, in my flatmate’s (let’s call him Rob) room, unable to keep my worries to myself, I said… 'diva, are you homophobic?'"
"She went on to explain how God made Adam and Eve and just went on about this bible story as if it was the be-all and end-all of life."
"I was obviously upset and talked about how God makes everyone in his image and that he chose us to be how we are etc."
"She then described how we are supposed to procreate, and implied that gay people cannot do this and that if they did it goes against what god intended."
"I wonder what she thinks about infertile people."
"I just sat there in shock, and Rob also seemed very shocked and sat there in silence."
"She then goes on to explain how she believes that gayness is due to a mental illness, or a childhood trauma which resulted in this."
"This to me means that she believes that being gay is a consequence of a negative experience."
"Which I do not agree with at all."
"She told me she still wanted to be friends and that was it for the night."
"Rob hugged me and reassured me that she's not used to it, and perhaps she would develop as a person during her time in Oxford and become more open-minded."
"I’ve spoken to my gf about this and she’s said things like even if I don’t feel upset about what she thinks of me, if she thinks this then she’s likely racist and/or transphobic, and questioned whether or not I’d want to be friends with someone who fundamentally disagrees with a lot of my friends’ existence."
"A few days go by, and she’s asking me to hang out at least once or twice every day; I have been busy, so unable to."
"She has also been telling me that she misses me."
"Today she messaged me asking to hang out; I responded that I was busy and couldn’t."
"Then all of a sudden I got a burst of anger and disappointment and texted her explaining that I was uncomfortable being around someone who fundamentally disagrees with who I am."
"She responded saying that she should be able to have an opinion, and that sexuality doesn’t make up my whole personality and that she really likes me anyway."
"I felt really uncomfortable with this response."
"No, my sexuality is not my whole personality, however, I am gay, I’m in love with a woman and intend to spend the rest of my life with this woman… so.. how can I be friends with someone who disagrees with my life?"
"I have responded saying that basically I’m too uncomfortable to be friends with her because I’ve put up with enough homophobia in my life and don’t want to choose to deal with it."
"This is really upsetting to me because I really liked her; however, morally... I just can’t be friends with her."
"But, I’m wondering if I should just get over this small part of her personality because I do really like her and don’t want to be branded an 'oversensitive woke' because of my instinct to cut her out of my life."
"So, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community agreed that the OP should not feel obligated to remain friends with her roommate.
Everyone thought that this was not about differing views of opinions or beliefs, but that the OP's roommate seemed determined to make the OP feel "less than," which should never be tolerated:
"Ahhh yes southern Baptist."
"I have coworker like that."
"I ignore when it gets to that convo."
"Not quite possible for you."
"NTA."- LahngJahn69420
"There's no way to have a healthy friendship with someone who actively hates a major part of your life."
"This would ALWAYS be there."
"Every interaction you have with her will be shaped by her belief that you are either immoral, or have mental issues."
"Do you really want to be friends with someone like that?"
"What happens when you get married to you SO, or even just move in together."
"Would you invite her to the wedding?"
"Would you invite her into the home you and your partner share?"
"Not to mention that at some point she would likely try to 'save' you."- Spiteweasel
"Ain't nobody got time for homophobes in 2026."
"Save your breath and move on without her."- lurkerperson11
"NTA - she’s overly nice because that’s southern culture."
"It’s not genuine kindness."
"She’ll smile at you while backhandedly calling you an abomination."
"No f*cking thanks."
"Also, proud of you for standing up for yourself and knowing her bigotry is not your problem to fix."- n0thangchew
"NTA."
"Just cut her off."
"You can find somewhere else to live."- Old-Bowler4150
"NTA."
"You don’t have to be friends with people who make you feel invalidated."
"Now, it is not your responsibility to be the ambassador for The Gays, but something to think about is that a lot of people like your roommate have the beliefs they have because they haven’t been around people different from them enough to really think of them as people instead of ideas."
"That’s one reason why college-educated people tend to be more liberal leaning than those who have no college education."
"Going to college exposes them to people of all kinds and humanizes them."
"Right now, this Southern American bible thumper is at the beginning of her journey into 'hey, the people who are different from me are actual, real people' journey."
"You don’t have to guide her along that journey, but I hope this context helps you see that there’s a decent chance she’ll respect who you are by the time y’all graduate and not worry that you’re doomed to be surrounded by ignorance and bigotry forever and always."- disembodiedstring
"'You’re right. My sexuality doesn’t make up my whole personality. Unfortunately for you, being a hateful, intolerant sh*tbag makes up all of yours. Never contact me again'."
"NTA."- your-mom04605
"You should ask her why it’s Southern Baptist and see how she responds."
"*the answer is racism."
"The schism was b/c the Southern Baptists were totally ok with slavery."- Belaerim
"NTA, she is viewing your life from a steamy window with every chance to open it."
"Don't let her biased view dictate your life and feelings on the situation."- G36C_cannonballer
"You made the right choice."
"NTA."- UnderstandingEqual84
"No you are not the AH."
"You have every right to not allow people into your circle who do not understand or respect you as you are."
"She said awful things about gay people, she can now live with the consequences of her words."
"Best of luck to you & your girlfriend."- Colbysfan1104
Not all roommates have to be friends, even if it does make the living situation easier.
However, living with someone who is not only not a friend but who looks down on you as a person might not be tenable.
Sadly meaning that the OP might want to consider finding new living accommodations.
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