The perfect roommate situation can be elusive.
There are so many factors at play.
One of the biggest obstacles to peace at home is finances.
As roommates, how much of the bills should be split?
And in what percentages?
Then, after finances… it’s time to discuss the household food.
That can be an explosive issue.
Redditor dancewithd3vil wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my roommate I don’t want to split groceries anymore because she keeps eating all my snacks?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, my roommate Sara and I have been living together for about a year, and we’ve always split groceries 50/50.”
“We do our shopping together, and for the most part, it’s worked out fine until recently.”
“Sara has been eating all of the snacks we buy within the first few days.”
“I’ll get home from work, excited for a bag of chips or some cookies, only to find them completely gone.”
“This has happened multiple times, and it’s not just a handful of snacks it’s pretty much everything.”
“I’ve politely brought it up to her, but she just laughs it off and says, I’m a snack monster!”
“After the fifth time this happened, I told her I think we should stop splitting groceries and just buy our own stuff from now on.”
“She got super defensive and said I was overreacting and that it was just food.”
“She even accused me of being selfish for wanting to keep our groceries separate when we’ve been doing it this way for so long.”
“Now the vibe in the apartment is super awkward, and she’s barely talking to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“If she’s a snack monster, she has to buy her own snacks.”
“If someone bought something 50-50 with others, it’s basic courtesy to keep their share away.”
“It’s one thing to accidentally eat your share of snacks, but it’s extremely disrespectful if someone did it repeatedly and even laugh about it.”
“Believe when people show who they are.”
“She showed that she’s not respecting you as your roommate or your money.”
“Believe that and limit your interactions to a minimum with her as long as you live there.”
“NTA for not being a provider for a self-proclaimed snack monster.”
“That’s not selfish at all like she claims.” ~ Drama_Pumpkin
“I moved my snacks to my room when I was sharing.”
“Housemates complained, ‘Don’t you trust us?'”
“I do trust you, I trust you to eat it so there’s nothing there when I get home after a long day, and the shops are shut (replacing it in the morning isn’t good enough), I trust you to eat my favorite things.”
“I know you will promise to replace and never actually do it.”
“I’m taking action to keep the peace.” ~ Hminney
“My partner and I always go 50/50 on groceries – because we balance each other out usually on who eats what more.”
“We’ve been together almost a decade and they still ask ‘I’m about to kill this thing – do you want any more instead?'”
“Courtesy takes such little energy it’s embarrassing for OP’s roommate.” ~ PredictableToast
“I had a roommate years ago that did this constantly and it pissed me off.”
“As if I’m really going to fire up the stove and dirty up a pan to cook ONE PIECE of bacon.”
“Oh, and you ate most of the eggs but left ONE in the fridge so you can say you didn’t eat them all?”
“That will go great with the half a glass of milk you left in there and the 1 slice of bread from the end of the loaf.”
“If I bought a 12-pack of beer and drank two, it was guaranteed that the next day I would open the fridge and find one beer.”
“It was endless and if I made any remark about him eating most of the food and not replacing it he would say ‘I didn’t eat it all.'”
“I found this behavior neither sweet nor adorable.” ~ Outrageous-World-601
“NTA. I see two possible solutions…”
“Separate Expenses Completely: You could divide all expenses, but this might end up being more costly for each person than sharing them.”
“Share Common Groceries, Keep Snacks Separate: Buy common groceries together but purchase your snacks separately and keep them in your own space, like a drawer or shelf.”
“This way, you both contribute fairly to meals, and anyone can still enjoy snacks if they want.” ~ iTamilGuy
“Sounds like the roommate took nutrition advice from the Cookie Monster but forgot to watch the rest of the show for other lessons like sharing.”
“OP is definitely NTA but the roommate sounds like a selfish one.”
“I have a feeling she’s just being defensive because she’s embarrassed that OP called her out on her behavior and she knows she’s right.”
“Hopefully she can realize this and apologize.” ~ Sea-Ad3724
“I’d be worried about them starting to pay for their own groceries, though.”
“As you said, Sara is disrespectful of OP, and someone like that is going to eat OP’s snacks anyway, except now OP will be funding this all on her own.”
“As sad as it is to have to resort to this, OP may have to start hiding her snacks in her room.” ~ BaitedBreaths
“Agreed. I have lived with other people.”
“And when we made dinner together, we bought the groceries and split those costs.”
“But other food was just for the person who bought it (we kept it on separate shelves).”
“We also shared snacks and bread and stuff but it was always asked upfront or told by the owner that it was okay. It is just respectful to do.” ~ Pollythepony1993
“NTA. If she cannot respect the idea of sharing and wants to be a ‘snack monster,’ she will have to support her own lifestyle.” ~ Fearless_Spring5611
“NTA… so it’s ok for her to do it, but the moment you want something, suddenly she’s inferring you’re greedy?”
“I’d be looking for a new roommate or place to live… but in the meantime, get yourself a lockable cupboard.” ~ ColdstreamCapple
“Yeah, you signed up to split groceries with your human roomie, not a snack monster.”
“Sorry, not sorry. NTA.” ~ Standard-Help-8531
“OP is NTA.”
“That roommate is a nightmare, she’s worried now that she can’t get extra snacks.” ~ xyoursweetgf
“Snack monster, meet penny pincher- who doesn’t want to subsidize your snacking.” ~ Abject_Director7626
“Eat them all the first day then when she goes looking for some tell her you’ve turned into a snack monster.” ~ Segotias
“Or just hide them in your closet or something bc eating all the snacks in one day is not healthy, lol… not even for a budding snack monster.”
“On that note, is there something going on in her life that would make her start to emotionally eat?”
“And also therefore not want to talk ab it/laugh it off with some stupid excuse.”
“For things to have been one way for a year and suddenly change, to me that seems like something is wrong in her life- I would try to find out if she is ok otherwise (if you care to).”
“Not saying that her behavior is ok and 100% NTA, but if you are also friends I would see if there is a cause for her sudden extreme change in eating habits.” ~ AwkwardMaybe9002
“Or get a few sturdy containers and split snacks 50/50 when you buy them.”
“Hide or lock your half up. Voilà, sharing! NTA.”
“If it were me, I’d stop buying communal snacks altogether, and probably food, too.” ~ One-Employee9235
“NTA. She’s just mad and making the vibe weird because she’s realizing how much her grocery bill is gonna go up.” ~ blottymary
“NTA. The fact that this has happened multiple times and you told her politely it’s a problem tells you what she needs to know.”
“She does not care about your boundaries with this.”
“And that would irritate the hell out of me.”
“I feed anyone who is hungry, but I will go nuts if I’ve got my heart set on a snack and it’s all gone before I even got one serving!” ~ TaiDollWave
“NTA- I’ve always been a person who shared.”
“I lived with my husband for about 10 years and then with the rising cost of literally everything we decided to have a couple we know move in and split the cost of mortgage and groceries.”
“Everything is 50/50 for groceries with the exception that we discussed that certain snacks/ pop we would buy for ourselves and each have a shelf.”
“This avoids the issue that if someone loves to snack more than others then nobody would be upset.”
“My ex used to eat all the snacks within a day or 2 and what pissed me off was that I paid more bills and groceries than he did.” ~ AnonymousFemale613
“Snack monsters need to pay for their own snacks.”
“You pay for your snacks (and lock them up).”
“Keep splitting the groceries but strictly no snacks.”
“She won’t like it because she’s been using you.”
“The way she casually brushed you off is a huge sign of it.”
“NTA, by the way, but she is.” ~ DegeneratesInc
“NTA. You’re subsidizing her snacking.”
“If she wanted snacks, it’s only fair that she buys to replace your stash.” ~ DestronCommander
“NTA, but have you told clearly that, if you pay for half the groceries, that means that half of the chips in the bag are yours, half of the cookies in the package are yours, etc?”
“If feel like there are ways to work this out that ends with her understanding what your boundaries are and why she needs to respect them.”
“If you want to buy groceries separately, that’s your prerogative–but I suspect that you think making that change will automatically teach her respect for your boundaries.”
“I think that, if she doesn’t get the importance of respecting your boundaries before you stop splitting the cost of groceries, she’ll just eat whatever snacks you buy for yourself.”
“And I promise you, the escalation will get ugly at that point, and you’ll probably have to lock up all your food.”
“And that nearly always leads to open war.”
“At the very least, tell her that when you each pay for half the food, you each own half of it.”
“And that doesn’t mean she gets the half that includes all the snacks, and you get the half that includes the toilet bowl cleaner and all the onions.”
“It means that half of every bag of chips and package of cookies belongs to you and that if she eats your half without asking you for permission and getting it.”
“She has to replace it the same day (or the next, depending on the time).” ~ Revolutionary-Dryad
“Obviously NTA.”
“Funny how people who abuse a deal always accuse the others of being selfish.” ~ Francl27
Reddit is fully behind you OP.
Your roommate doesn’t get to be a food thief.
There is no such thing as a “snack monster,” by the way.
That is not cool.
She needs to start paying more or agree to your terms.
Good luck.