When sharing a home with roommates, it's safe to assume that certain things are communal.
These include toilet paper and paper towels, hand soap, and cleaning supplies.
It also tends to go without saying that a roommate's personal belongings, clothes, electronics, cosmetics, are off-limits without permission.
One of the most common gray areas when it comes to sharing with roommates is food.
Redditor AnteaterLow2425 shared their current living quarters with two roommates.
The original poster (OP) began to notice that one of their roommates was taking things that were their's, but wasn't replacing them.
After the OP confronted this roommate about this matter, their roommate responded by calling them "stingy".
Receiving little to no support from their other two roommates, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my roommate to replace the groceries she keeps borrowing?"
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with their roommates, one in particular:
"I live in the hostel and I share a room with two other girls."
"One of the two girls, Leah keeps taking my food."
"She takes small things like eggs, butter, seasoning cubes, biscuits and juice but she never replaces them."
"At first, I brushed it off because she said she would pay me back."
"It's been months, and she hasn't replaced anything but she keeps taking."
"Yesterday, I bought groceries and labeled them and told everyone I would appreciate it if we respected each other's things."
"Leah said I was being selfish and stingy over basic stuff."
"I confronted her directly, and she told me I should just buy in bulk since we all share anyway."
"I told her that's not how it works and if it continues, I'll have to start locking my locker."
"Now the room feels tense, and the other roommate says I could've handled it more peacefully."
"AITA for calling her out about the groceries?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular sitatun, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their roommate.
Everyone agreed that as the OP's roommate wasn't returning the groceries, she wasn't borrowing, but stealing them, with many wondering why she didn't buy anything in bulk to share with everyone.
"NTA."
"'Keeps taking' = 'stealing'."
"This person shows no respect for you."
"Lock it up."- casual-shitposter
"NTA."
"She wants 'you' to buy bulk supplies?"
"She can go buy her own groceries and quit being a mooch."- copperfrog42
"If she's not replacing what she's taking, then she's not borrowing, is she?"
"She's stealing."
"NTA."- Longjumping_Worker56
"NTA."
"Haha, her solution is you should buy even more to share, and she still doesn't pay?"
"Where do I sign up for this deal?"- TrainerHonest2695
"NTA."
"Buy in bulk because we all share anyway?"
"Technically, 'we all share' does not include we all share YOUR stuff."
"Maybe there could be a less confrontational way to bring it up, BUT based on her response, that does not seem the case."- catskilkid
"You are NTA for calling her out."
"However, if she wanted to contribute to the groceries plus a little extra for your time (and the time you save her), it could be a win-win situation."
"But if she's not paying you back or even getting permission, locking things up is not extreme."
"Also, why is it always the responsible, wronged person that should handle things differently to make it more peaceful for the arrogant freeloader instead of the freeloader being told to not take things that don't belong to them?"
"Seems backwards to me."- Pappy579
"NTA."
"If Leah wants to 'buy in bulk,' then she needs to provide her share of the costs BEFORE you get the groceries."
"OP, you don't owe this girl a damn thing."
"It's your money, you're allowed to conserve your resources to make them stretch."
"Keep your things locked up and tell her you'll share again when she helps with the costs."-moew4974
"Obviously NTA."
"Look at it this way: in a situation like this, if a third party with no vested interest tells you you are being petty, then it's worth taking into consideration."
"Not necessarily that they're correct, but that you should think about it."
"But if the person doing the stealing tells you to ignore it, then you can just discard their opinion as worthless because of how it conveniently aligns with their own self-interest."-CoverCharacter8179
"NTA."
"Why tf should you be expected to 'buy in bulk[ if she's contributing nothing and not even compensating you for what she takes?"- Famous_Eggplant88
"NTA."
"If you have agreed to keep food separate, then you should all respect each other's personal items."
"You've communicated clearly your expectation, and your next step."
"So just start locking your locker."
"Leah is disrespectful, and your other roommate is conflict-averse and would rather let Leah walk over her than set boundaries."
"Leah should be replacing what she borrows, but she seems to view what's yours as hers."- EwwDavvidd
"NTA."
"Definitely lock your things right now."- DarmokTheNinja
"NTA."
"You handled it peacefully the first time she took it, and then she proceeded to lie about replacing and continued to take."
"What's with roommates thinking groceries are shared, if there isn't a shared expenses pot everyone's contributing to?"
"I'm female, I once had a nightmare scenario where when we signed the lease, it was me, my partner, our friend, and his two friends."
"Day of move-in, the 2 friends BOTH had a friend that was going to stay with them."
"Any time I bought bananas, eggs, etc., everything would be gone in a day."
"I told them I'm not your f*cking mommy, stop touching my sh*t."
"One of the guys proceeded to buy his first grocery haul and wrote everyone's names (so 5 people) but mine on like 10 packs of macaroni."
"I laughed so hard like bro I don't want your macaroni."- buffythebudslayer
"NTA."
"Start locking your locker."
"Problem solved."
"You're only the AH to yourself if you continue to let yourself be treated this way."
"Others will tell you that you're being selfish, you're creating a hostile environment, you're being petty."
"That's what happens when you stand up for yourself and others play the victim."
"Don't buy into it and allow yourself to be manipulated."- Spiritual_Truth_5152
"Food is expensive, and taking things that don't belong to you is stealing."
"You are NTA."
"Leah is."- LisaMichell78
"Say nothing, buy nothing for a week & just eat all her sh*t."
"Every last crumb."
"NTA."- concrete_marshmallow
"NTA, it's your stuff that you purchase."
"If she wants to share food, she can contribute to the food budget."- NerdMagpie
"NTA."
"Start saving receipts and show her how much she owes you for all the food she's taking."
"Tell her she's selfish for stealing what doesn't belong to her."- Ohaibaipolar
"Obviously NTA."
"She is upset because you aren't allowing her to take advantage of you anymore."
"Your mistake was letting it slide at all, because 'borrowing' (actually what she was doing was stealing - she is a thief) an egg here and a cup of milk there very rapidly turns into the person feeling entitled to take what they want as if you owe it to them."
"Give her an itemized list of everything she has stolen from you, and be blunt, be very clear you view it as theft, and tell her that she will be paying you back or replacing every item by a specific date or you will be locking your stuff up and that she is not to take so much as a teaspoon of salt from your food supplies again."
"And follow through."
"If she takes anything, a ramen pack, an apple, an egg, lock stuff up."
"If she doesn't pay you back or bring you replacement groceries, lock your stuff up."
"You aren't her food bank."- No-Assignment5538
"Just start locking your stuff up."
"The sheer audacity to demand you buying in bulk to pay for her?"
"What an entitled AH."
"Leah is an adult."
"You are not responsible to subsidize her life."
"The selfish one is her."
"She also lied to you and never paid you back."
"I would have straight-up called her a thief and a liar."
"Your other roommate isn't the one being stolen from soooo… how would she like it if you started taking her things?"
"Her make up, her clothes, her shampoo."
"I'm pretty sure if you started taking all of her stuff, she would be upset too."
"Ignore her."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"If anything, you underreacted."
"Back in college, I had a roommate who kept stealing my food."
"So I moved everything into a mini fridge and closet that I locked."
"Problem solved."
"When she complained, I told her I wasn't her mommy and I'm not paying for her food."
"She got over it."
"Leah will too."
"And if she doesn't, find a new roommate."
"NTA."- Pippet_4
It's not uncommon for roommates to have a communal refrigerator or food pantry.
However, in those cases, all roommates tend to contribute to it, making it an altogether more equitable arrangement.
Seeing as the OP seems to be the only contributing food in this situation, it doesn't exactly make it fair for everyone to take.
As the OP is the only one spending money in this situation, it doesn't seem like she is the stingy one...
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.