When sharing a home with roommates, it’s safe to assume that certain things are communal.
These include toilet paper and paper towels, hand soap, and cleaning supplies.
It also tends to go without saying that a roommate’s personal belongings, clothes, electronics, cosmetics, are off-limits without permission.
One of the most common gray areas when it comes to sharing with roommates is food.
Redditor AnteaterLow2425 shared their current living quarters with two roommates.
The original poster (OP) began to notice that one of their roommates was taking things that were their’s, but wasn’t replacing them.
After the OP confronted this roommate about this matter, their roommate responded by calling them “stingy”.
Receiving little to no support from their other two roommates, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my roommate to replace the groceries she keeps borrowing?”
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with their roommates, one in particular:
“I live in the hostel and I share a room with two other girls.”
“One of the two girls, Leah keeps taking my food.”
“She takes small things like eggs, butter, seasoning cubes, biscuits and juice but she never replaces them.”
“At first, I brushed it off because she said she would pay me back.”
“It’s been months, and she hasn’t replaced anything but she keeps taking.”
“Yesterday, I bought groceries and labeled them and told everyone I would appreciate it if we respected each other’s things.”
“Leah said I was being selfish and stingy over basic stuff.”
“I confronted her directly, and she told me I should just buy in bulk since we all share anyway.”
“I told her that’s not how it works and if it continues, I’ll have to start locking my locker.”
“Now the room feels tense, and the other roommate says I could’ve handled it more peacefully.”
“AITA for calling her out about the groceries?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular sitatun, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their roommate.
Everyone agreed that as the OP’s roommate wasn’t returning the groceries, she wasn’t borrowing, but stealing them, with many wondering why she didn’t buy anything in bulk to share with everyone.
“NTA.”
“‘Keeps taking’ = ‘stealing’.”
“This person shows no respect for you.”
“Lock it up.”- casual-shitposter
“NTA.”
“She wants ‘you’ to buy bulk supplies?”
“She can go buy her own groceries and quit being a mooch.”- copperfrog42
“If she’s not replacing what she’s taking, then she’s not borrowing, is she?”
“She’s stealing.”
“NTA.”- Longjumping_Worker56
“NTA.”
“Haha, her solution is you should buy even more to share, and she still doesn’t pay?”
“Where do I sign up for this deal?”- TrainerHonest2695
“NTA.”
“Buy in bulk because we all share anyway?”
“Technically, ‘we all share’ does not include we all share YOUR stuff.”
“Maybe there could be a less confrontational way to bring it up, BUT based on her response, that does not seem the case.”- catskilkid
“You are NTA for calling her out.”
“However, if she wanted to contribute to the groceries plus a little extra for your time (and the time you save her), it could be a win-win situation.”
“But if she’s not paying you back or even getting permission, locking things up is not extreme.”
“Also, why is it always the responsible, wronged person that should handle things differently to make it more peaceful for the arrogant freeloader instead of the freeloader being told to not take things that don’t belong to them?”
“Seems backwards to me.”- Pappy579
“NTA.”
“If Leah wants to ‘buy in bulk,’ then she needs to provide her share of the costs BEFORE you get the groceries.”
“OP, you don’t owe this girl a damn thing.”
“It’s your money, you’re allowed to conserve your resources to make them stretch.”
“Keep your things locked up and tell her you’ll share again when she helps with the costs.”-moew4974
“Obviously NTA.”
“Look at it this way: in a situation like this, if a third party with no vested interest tells you you are being petty, then it’s worth taking into consideration.”
“Not necessarily that they’re correct, but that you should think about it.”
“But if the person doing the stealing tells you to ignore it, then you can just discard their opinion as worthless because of how it conveniently aligns with their own self-interest.”-CoverCharacter8179
“NTA.”
“Why tf should you be expected to ‘buy in bulk[ if she’s contributing nothing and not even compensating you for what she takes?”- Famous_Eggplant88
“NTA.”
“If you have agreed to keep food separate, then you should all respect each other’s personal items.”
“You’ve communicated clearly your expectation, and your next step.”
“So just start locking your locker.”
“Leah is disrespectful, and your other roommate is conflict-averse and would rather let Leah walk over her than set boundaries.”
“Leah should be replacing what she borrows, but she seems to view what’s yours as hers.”- EwwDavvidd
“NTA.”
“Definitely lock your things right now.”- DarmokTheNinja
“NTA.”
“You handled it peacefully the first time she took it, and then she proceeded to lie about replacing and continued to take.”
“What’s with roommates thinking groceries are shared, if there isn’t a shared expenses pot everyone’s contributing to?”
“I’m female, I once had a nightmare scenario where when we signed the lease, it was me, my partner, our friend, and his two friends.”
“Day of move-in, the 2 friends BOTH had a friend that was going to stay with them.”
“Any time I bought bananas, eggs, etc., everything would be gone in a day.”
“I told them I’m not your f*cking mommy, stop touching my sh*t.”
“One of the guys proceeded to buy his first grocery haul and wrote everyone’s names (so 5 people) but mine on like 10 packs of macaroni.”
“I laughed so hard like bro I don’t want your macaroni.”- buffythebudslayer
“NTA.”
“Start locking your locker.”
“Problem solved.”
“You’re only the AH to yourself if you continue to let yourself be treated this way.”
“Others will tell you that you’re being selfish, you’re creating a hostile environment, you’re being petty.”
“That’s what happens when you stand up for yourself and others play the victim.”
“Don’t buy into it and allow yourself to be manipulated.”- Spiritual_Truth_5152
“Food is expensive, and taking things that don’t belong to you is stealing.”
“You are NTA.”
“Leah is.”- LisaMichell78
“Say nothing, buy nothing for a week & just eat all her sh*t.”
“Every last crumb.”
“NTA.”- concrete_marshmallow
“NTA, it’s your stuff that you purchase.”
“If she wants to share food, she can contribute to the food budget.”- NerdMagpie
“NTA.”
“Start saving receipts and show her how much she owes you for all the food she’s taking.”
“Tell her she’s selfish for stealing what doesn’t belong to her.”- Ohaibaipolar
“Obviously NTA.”
“She is upset because you aren’t allowing her to take advantage of you anymore.”
“Your mistake was letting it slide at all, because ‘borrowing’ (actually what she was doing was stealing – she is a thief) an egg here and a cup of milk there very rapidly turns into the person feeling entitled to take what they want as if you owe it to them.”
“Give her an itemized list of everything she has stolen from you, and be blunt, be very clear you view it as theft, and tell her that she will be paying you back or replacing every item by a specific date or you will be locking your stuff up and that she is not to take so much as a teaspoon of salt from your food supplies again.”
“And follow through.”
“If she takes anything, a ramen pack, an apple, an egg, lock stuff up.”
“If she doesn’t pay you back or bring you replacement groceries, lock your stuff up.”
“You aren’t her food bank.”- No-Assignment5538
“Just start locking your stuff up.”
“The sheer audacity to demand you buying in bulk to pay for her?”
“What an entitled AH.”
“Leah is an adult.”
“You are not responsible to subsidize her life.”
“The selfish one is her.”
“She also lied to you and never paid you back.”
“I would have straight-up called her a thief and a liar.”
“Your other roommate isn’t the one being stolen from soooo… how would she like it if you started taking her things?”
“Her make up, her clothes, her shampoo.”
“I’m pretty sure if you started taking all of her stuff, she would be upset too.”
“Ignore her.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“If anything, you underreacted.”
“Back in college, I had a roommate who kept stealing my food.”
“So I moved everything into a mini fridge and closet that I locked.”
“Problem solved.”
“When she complained, I told her I wasn’t her mommy and I’m not paying for her food.”
“She got over it.”
“Leah will too.”
“And if she doesn’t, find a new roommate.”
“NTA.”- Pippet_4
It’s not uncommon for roommates to have a communal refrigerator or food pantry.
However, in those cases, all roommates tend to contribute to it, making it an altogether more equitable arrangement.
Seeing as the OP seems to be the only contributing food in this situation, it doesn’t exactly make it fair for everyone to take.
As the OP is the only one spending money in this situation, it doesn’t seem like she is the stingy one…