We always want to help our family when we can.
Partially with the idea that we know they would do the same for us, but also simply because it's just the right thing to do.
However, while most people are more than happy to offer a little help, no one should expect help from family members.
As sometimes it just isn't possible.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor imamamaama was frequently asking for her help.
Help the original poster (OP) was growing literally exhausted of providing.
Eventually concluding that the next time this help was requested, the answer would be an absolute no.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not wanting to babysit my 4 nieces?"
The OP explained why they were less than willing to babysit their SIL's four daughters:
"I am a 42 F[emale], my husband and i have 3 boys, 11, 8 and 2."
"My husband's sister frequently asks us if we can babysit her 4 (very feral) daughters - 9 year old twins, a 6 year old, and and almost 2 year old."
"This is almost always on short notice, and she asks weekly because she and her husband go on 'date nights' or buy expensive concert tickets without a sitter lined up, or plan vacations without enough coverage for childcare."
"I feel bad saying no all the time but her kids are a handful, trash our house, etc."
"My SIL has also told me the sitter they usually use (and pay) has been telling them no, and her mother in law is tired of watching them too."
"And like honestly?"
"My kids are f*cking exhausting enough I don't want four more to deal with."
"So, AITAH? Is there a nice way to tell someone their kids are exhausting?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was well within her rights not to babysit their SIL's daughters.
Pretty much everyone agreed that the OP didn't even need an explanation to say no, with many feeling that their SIL's babysitter cancelling on them pretty much says it all, and others feeling the OP's husband should be more supportive:
"NTA."
"Just tell them that 7 kids aged from 2 to 11 is way to big of a responsibility."
"But don't do it yourself, your husband should back you in this, he is her brother after all."- Neither_Teaching_438
"Just say no."
"Im exhausted just reading your post."- Opposite_Bison_4307
"NTA."
"Give you one guess why the PAID sitter keeps saying no."
"The only way to say it in a relatively nice way is, something like, I know you guys are trying to get alone time but I'm spread too thin with our three."
"I'm not in a place to watch 4 more for the foreseeable future."- smschrads
"NTA."
"There is no nice way of telling them they have failed as parents, although the paid babysitter turning them down is a message in itself."
"Prepare to be unpopular or cave in."- PurpleEmotional1401
"No."
"You're under no obligation to continuously disrupt your family plans to accommodate the feral four."- Luxy2801
"Just tell her every time, I’m too exhausted trying to raise my own kids, please do the same."
"When she tells you she doesn’t have a babysitter, tell her kindly to try harder."
"With a heart at the end 'for support'."- Remove_Anxious
"Literally, tell her your last line."
"7 kids are far too much for a couple to wrangle."
"Hard no for me."- IndividualPotato2026
"Hell no."
"That's bullsh*t, here take my kids with little to no warning."
"Oh btw they little monsters because Im my a sh*tty parent and have zero rules in my house and because of this no one will watch them."- Gr8twhitebuffalo91
"NTA."
"How come you are dealing with this instead of your husband?"
"It’s his sister."- Good-Seesaw1933
"7 kids!? "
"Just tell her you cannot do SEVEN children!"
"A professional daycare worker would have trouble with that lot."- Rerunisashortie
"NTA."
"You just have to be honest that you cannot handle their 4 on top of your children."
"It is too much."
"They are not your children to be responsible for."- Top_Philosopher1809
"Just tell them the kids are impossible to control."
"And you cant take responsibility for their behavior."
"They need a dose of reality."
"Stay strong."
"You are in the right."- Plastic-Cabinet67
"NTA."
"Don’t be nice about it."
"Just say no."
"You don’t have to give an explanation."
"You are within your right to just say no."
"If you want to feel petty a bit, you might say 'funny, a paid babysitter AND grandma both said no. I wonder why?'”- -2rad4u-
"Tell her that you’ll watch the girls but at her place, and you’ll be bringing your boys."
"Also, don’t clean up after - it’s her house after all."- SocietyAmbitious9648
"NTA."
"Just say sorry, I find it overwhelming to deal with 7 kids."- Mytweezer
"'Sorry, we're busy'."
"And when you choose to babysit, do it at their house."- InsertCleverName652
"NTA."
"The fact that their former babysitter is saying no to your brother and sil is definitely a sign."
"I can somewhat understand the nearly 2 year old being a handful since she is a toddler, but the 6 and 9 year olds are clear examples of bad parenting."-Jadedslay03
"Hell no, I have 6/4/1.5 year olds and ain’t no f*cking way I’m adding 4 more to this sh*t show, let alone weekly?"
"F*ck outta here."- MontyAllTheTime
"Not a nice way."
"Be blunt."- Plastic-Cabinet67
"NTA, start saying no."
"7 kids is too much."
"They chose to have them, their kids are their responsibility."
"Ask if she can start watching your kids for the same amount of time each week, bet not."
"So what if their concert tickets go to waste, they have to learn."- SapphireEyesOf94
"'Hey, sis, unfortunately husband and I have been dealing with some stuff, so we will be unavailable to babysit. We'll let you know when things change. Love you!'"
"Hard NTA."- SophisticatedScreams
"Just say no."
"You don’t need them to 'understand'."- humpyvision
"Be honest."
"Tell her you are not able to handle 7 kids yourself and you can only consider if she is on her deathbed."- lantana98
"YNTAH - the best plan of action is to leave out your emotion and communicate practically."
“'I have 3 boys under the age of 11. Adding your children to my household is too tiring, too hectic and honestly something I am not going to do. I suggest you find someone young with a lot of energy that will take care of them at your house'.”
"Honestly you need to grow a backbone and stand your ground."
"If she doesn’t know her kids behave badly by now then she’s putting you on or she’s being belligerently stupid."
"It is not your responsibility to take care of her kids."
"It is on her and her husband to find childcare."- ritlingit
"NTA."
"Just say no."
"If husband complains about you not helping, say that he is welcome to go to sister’s house and watch all his nieces for the evening while you’re at home with your own kids."- nw826
"NTA."
"And you don't need to explain why you aren't sitting."
"You especially don't need to call them 'feral' within her hearing."
"'No' is a complete sentence."- fuzzy_mic
"NTA."
“'No I won’t be watching your kids, anymore, ever. Stop asking. It’s never going to be a yes. We are done'.”- Tootsie-Chateau59
"Or you could set a limit to how often, say one time a month, and tell her she has to reciprocate so you and your husband can go out too."- FeedingCoxeysArmy
"'Naw, your kids are feral'."- LibraryLuLu
"NTA."
"That sounds incredibly selfish as parents of 4 young kids to be making so many plans and taking solo vacations and date nights that is absolutely not the reality of the choice they made to build a large family and it sounds like it's finally their wake up call/reality check."- ItsaTheMal
"There is a reason why the paid babysitter, their grandmother, and you keep saying no."
"Telling them nicely is not going to work."
"They will not admit to themselves that their kids are 'feral'."
"Of course you are exhausted."
"You have young boys of your own, including a toddler."
"I would just tell them you don’t have the energy."
"And I would only watch them in an emergency (life or death, hospital, etc)."- Ok-Cap-204
There's no denying that good, reliable childcare is hard to come by, hence why the OP's SIL would like to rely on the OP.
However, one would also think that she might take the fact that the OP has three young children of her own to take care of into consideration.
Not to mention the telling fact that both the usual babysitter, as well as the mother of the OP's SIL are less than eager to watch her children either...
