We always want to help our family if we are able to do so. Most of the time, our help does not go unnoticed.
Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to show appreciation appropriately when people give up their time and change their plans to come to the aid of others.
Some even assume that someone offering help on one occasion means they are always free and open to offer help.
Redditor dreamgirl_sweet was always willing to help their brother when it came to his two children.
Even going so far as to change their plans to come to their rescue on a big night.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) would go on to regret their decision.
Even going so far as to tell their brother that they would no longer watch his children.
Wondering if they were overreacting, the OP took the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my brother i'm not Babysitting his kids anymore after they ruined my new year's plans?"
The OP explained why they vowed to never watch their brother's children ever again:
"Whenever my brother (27 M[ale]) needs help, I take care of his two kids (4 F[emale] and 6M)."
"Even though I love my niece and nephew, New Year's Eve was the last blow for me."
"My brother and his wife asked me to watch their kids while they went to a fancy New Year's party."
"Friends begged me to go with them even though I already had plans with other people."
"They said they couldn't find anyone else."
"It was even an offer to pay me twice what I normally get, so I reluctantly agreed."
"They were supposed to come back at 1 a.m., so I could still hang out with my friends late at night."
"However, they did not show up at midnight."
"I texted, called, and even tried calling the party location, but no one answered."
"They finally got in around 4 a.m., and it was clear they were drunk."
"They pretended it wasn't a big deal."
"My brother laughed when I told him how upset I was that they had left me all night and said, 'You didn't have anything important going on anyway'."
"That hurt a lot. I told him they could no longer have me watch if they couldn't respect my plans or time."
"It's making my brother mad, and he says I'm being too tough."
"AITA because she wouldn't watch after this?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, agreeing they were in no way the a**hole for refusing to watch their brother's children anymore.
Everyone agreed that the OP's brother had taken advantage of them one too many times, and the fact that he laughed in their face after arriving home late and drunk made it abundantly clear that they needed to put a temporary end to being their go-to babysitter:
"NTA at all."
"You made plans with friends before you had to change them to help your brother out."
"It sounds like they take advantage of you always being there for them."
"This is a wake-up call people need."
"Your time is valuable, and if they can't respect that, then they need to find other accommodations."- Quiet-Patient5458
"NTA, they lied to you about when they would get back, knowing that you would miss your plans and wouldn't help if you knew."
"They clearly don't respect you or your plans."- PlaneWoodpecker843
"NTA."
"Not only are they disrespectful of boundaries, they're dismissive of you, take you for granted, and feel entitled to dump their kids on you."
"Stick to your guns and say 'no more'."- Sue_Dohnim
"NTA."
"You could have phoned the police that the children were abandoned with you and I'd still say NTA."-naraic
"NTA."
"You're right, they don't respect you or your plans."- SL8Rgirl
"NTA."
"You are being taken advantage of so you have every right to stop."- grckalck
"NTA."
"Absolutely not."
"They have been taking advantage of you, and bullying you to meeting their needs."
"They clearly have very little respect for your time."
"They are being self-centered right now."
"They are going to come at you with how hard it is to be a parent and how you just don't understand."
"How can YOU be so selfish."
"Don't fall for any of it."
"It is all tactics used to manipulate you to get what they want."
"Stand firm."
"If you never want to watch them again, don't."
"They will figure it out."
"They will be mad for awhile, but they will get past it."
"If you do want to, but actually want boundaries, you can try something like."
"'I had plans that I was excited about'."
"'I gave them up so that you two could have a night with the agreement that I would be able to catch the tail end of the party that I missed for you'."
"'You not only did not bother to come home on time, but you completely disregarded me or what we had agreed on'."
"'You went no contact, came home and blew me off'."
"'You have forgotten that what I do for you is a favor, not my responsibility'."
"'You are treating me like I am not important and what I need has no real value because you and your needs are more important than mine'."
"'Until you can apologize for treating me with such little respect on New Years, I will not be watching the kids'."
"'If you want to apologize and recognize that I am helping you because I chose to, not out of obligation, we can try again, so long as I am respected and shown gratitude'."
"'Entirely up to you'."
"'Then I would leave it. It is up to them'."
"'If anyone brings it up, you have the same response on repeat, every time."
"'They were super late on New Year and ruined my plans'."
"'I have simply asked for an apology and a thanks for babysitting'."
"'I don't not believe that is asking too much, so I'm going to wait for that'."
"'That is really the only thing stopping this from being over'."
"'If it is either of them, you just change the first word you 'You' and you are good to go."
"But don't back down."
"Don't get caught up in the emotion of it."
"Stay steady."
"Be super repetitive in your response."
"You deserve to be respected."
"You have done absolutely nothing wrong."
"Any guilt you start to feel is them manipulating you."
"It's not real."
"Guilt only comes when you do something that does not align with your values."
"Like if you had screamed at the kids."
"You would, rightfully, feel guilty for doing so."
"What they do to try and get their way is trying to generate guilt."
"Don't let them."- OhmsWay-71
"NTA."
"You watch his kids for free and they took advantage of you."
"Them being dismissive is even worse."
"If they hired sitter and were 4 hours late, that would have been costly."
"They are not considerate of your time or you as an individual and that behavior cannot be tolerated."
"I don't think they realize how valuable it is to have a reliable sitter."
"Tell them NOW that you will NOT be watching the kids for two months."
"If you tell them now, they cannot use the excuse of 'I don't know!' and they can plan accordingly."
"If they ask, those messages will be ignored."
"They will likely guilt you to watch them under the guise of 'you are punishing the kids!'"
"'They are innocent, and they miss you!'."
"If that is the case, say you are open to hanging out with your niece and nephew but BOTH parents MUST be present."
"If not, then you know it's not really because the kids miss you."
"After the two-month hiatus, IF you decide to watch them again, they must agree to the following:"
"They must give you a cash 'deposit'."
"If they are late, that money is yours."
"NO EXCEPTIONS."
"They MUST turn on a 'find my' type tracker on their phones when they are out."
"If they are extremely late, you have the option of bringing the kids to them."
"If this happens, you will not watch the kids for another two months."
"If your parents are brought into the argument and side with your brother, tell them that THEY can pay you an hourly rate to watch the kids."
"That amount will double if the parents are late."
"Also, they will need to provide a certain amount upfront."
"Anything left-over will be returned."
"The rules MAY relax in the future if they behave."- Mochisaurus_rex
After changing their own plans to accommodate their brothers, being laughed at in their face was the very last reaction the OP deserved.
One imagines that the OP's brother will soon realize how lucky he was to have a sibling who was so readily available to help him out. As it's unlikely anyone else will be so willingly at his beck and call.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.