Often, grandmas can't help but always want more grandkids.
And they have no issue telling everyone about how they feel.
This can be a bone of contention for a lot of marriages.
Sometimes... couples are just done having kids.
Redditor -prestige-worldwide found herself in a dilemma regarding her mother-in-law's relationship interference, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for asking my husband to tell his mother to stop pushing us to have more kids?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My husband (38 M{ale}) and I (34 F[emale]) each have one child from previous relationships, giving us a blended family of two kids."
"We are completely happy with our current family setup and have no desire to change the dynamic."
"Despite this, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] constantly pressures us to have another child together."
"She asks every single time we see her—which is often—and deliberately waits until my husband leaves the room to corner me."
"Last weekend alone, she brought it up twice."
"Each time, I firmly tell her that we are happy with our family as it is and that our family planning is strictly between my husband and me."
"I then pivot to a new topic, but she continues to push."
"Exhausted by this boundary violation, I talked to my husband."
"He stepped up and spoke with his mom directly, making it clear that neither of us wants more children and asking her to drop the subject permanently."
"Instead of respecting his request, she threw a fit, dramatically claiming, 'If I can't talk about that, what can I talk about? Every topic is off-limits with you guys!'"
"This is simply not true; family planning is literally the only subject we've restricted because it's a private matter and frankly none of her business."
"Her refusal to respect our boundaries is creating unnecessary strain on our marriage."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH for asking my husband to tell his mother to stop pushing us to have more kids?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"Nope! It was on him to set the boundary."
"You tried, and she ignored it."
"Now he needs to enforce it regularly."
"If she brings it up again to you, get up and walk away."
"No response." ~ Ok_Leg_1158
"OP could also give in to the delusion of trying for another and start describing positions, locations, brands of lubes... none of it has to be true."
"Just graphic enough, maybe the old bat stays away for a bit and comes back quieter." ~ TheLadyClarabelle
"This. No reasons, no explanation."
"Leave the room." ~ dancingaround22
"Or OP could return the favor and pick an equally personal and touchy subject to start badgering M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] about: political party affiliation, religious conversion to another faith, adoption."
"Something that drives home how unpleasantly invasive and obnoxious she's being by example." ~ Separate_Pumpkin_256
"She could flip it and ask if she needs to have a dementia test because she clearly forgot the many times she's been given an answer."
"Act concerned. "
"Imply she may need to go into assisted living if the issue has progressed to affect her this severely." ~ Bippityboppitynope2
"NTA... ask for her doctor’s contact info; when she asks why, tell her you are worried she has early on set dementia." ~ SuicideSqurral
"Yes. This."
"A snappy answer always worked for me."
"When my grandmother came down on me for allowing my toddler to sleep in our bed, because 'She would never be able to sleep alone when she grew up,' I told her,' I think she'll find plenty of people to sleep with her when she grows up."
"She never mentioned it again." ~ PoppyWren
"NTA. Going forward, I wouldn’t engage."
"I’d keep repeating something super simple like 'I won’t discuss this topic.'"
"And never ever elaborate or explain."
"If she asks why, just repeat it."
"Or say “I’ve given my answer.'" ~ Erinbaus
"I actually would leave her house when she brings it up again, because you know she will."
"Hang up the phone if you're on the phone."
"Tell her she had to leave if she is at your home."
"Confirm this with your husband to make sure he agrees." ~ WoollyMammothwapo
"NTA. You tried to ask her to stop, and she didn't listen, so you asked your husband to step in."
"That's normal."
"Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like him also having made the request is going to change anything." ~ lihzee
"NTA. It's his mom, so his duty to correct her and set the rules for you as a couple."
"If she keeps refusing to respect the boundary, I think you guys need to start limiting how much time you spend with her."
"Make sure your husband lets her know that her disrespect is why you're leaving or won't be around her as often."
"She will either stop or you will keep avoiding her."
"I know this seems extreme, BUT she won't stop unless there are repercussions for her behavior." ~ Extension-Clock608
"NTA..."
"Tell your husband he needs to tell his mom if she doesn't back off, you guys are going to start going to low contact."
"Or tell your husband he needs to have a vasectomy done since he's also in the same line of having no more children."
"And then when his mom finds out that you can't have any more kids, it can be his responsibility to inform her of why, with you present so you know he tells the truth."
"I'm not saying that he won't tell the truth; I'm just saying I've read too many times where your husband will still blame the wife." ~ Future-Nebula74656
"When she starts again, immediately shut her down that it is none of her business, and: has she looked at old-age homes yet?"
"Where would she want to live?"
"Other topic: which supermarket is best, what does she think about that new building for (whatever), has she started a bridge club, or book club, whatever." ~ MaineKlutz
"NTA, but I'd just stop visiting if I were you."
"Literally the only relationship you have with her is because of your husband, and especially if she doesn't have a grandmother role to your kid, you have literally zero reasons to subject yourself to this." ~ cedrella_black
"NTA. My suggestion is a bit different."
"When she brings up the topic, I would share IN DETAIL our latest efforts."
"Don’t forget to include any demonstrations of the verbal behavior which accompanied your actions."
"When your husband returns to the room, ask him to join the conversation since you may have accidentally missed a few details."
"Be enthusiastic about the process." ~ Sensitive_Sea_5586
"He's asked, and it hasn't helped."
"You're just not in control of other people's actions. But also she keeps doing it because there are no consequences."
"When she's on the phone with one of you, the first time it happens, you explain to her that you're not going to discuss it and you're getting off the phone."
"That's it, hang up. If she's in your home, same thing: get up and open the door after you've let her know that you're not going to talk to her anymore and ask her to leave."
"Immediately get up and walk out of her house if it comes up again after you ask her, and just leave."
"Won't take her long to figure out the consequences, and if she wants access to you or your husband or your children then she's going to have to respect your wishes." ~ NamasteNoodle
"NTA. You need to now be clear."
"The answer is no."
"The next time you ask, I will ignore the question, and you."
"The next time after that, we will not speak for X weeks. "
"And then stick to the consequences." ~ ShimmerAndShade
"You’re going to have to resort to notifying her that if she doesn’t stop, she won’t be welcome in your house until she does fully stop, and that you won’t tolerate harassment."
"Your husband should be the one to present this (and fully support it), but if you don’t think he can do it adequately, tell her yourself and then deal with your husband. NTA." ~ FormerlyDK
"Every topic is off limits with you..."
"Complete manipulation."
"He should have asked for a list of these topics."
"You'd hear crickets. NTA."
"Next time she asks, just tell her that discussion is off the table and bring something else up." ~ mca2021
"NTA at all."
"Every time she asks, I would ask her if they've started planning their funeral."
"Since we're all so concerned about future plans." ~ Distinct-Crow4753
"Boundaries are useless without consequences."
"MIL needs a timeout until she can behave appropriately, which she has not done and apparently refuses to do."
"You, however, have to have the intestinal fortitude to show her the door or leave wherever you are if she does this again."
"She’ll get glad in the same pants she got mad in."
"Or she won’t."
"Either way, the abusive behavior will stop. NTA." ~ SuspiciousImpact2197
"NTA. Every time she brings it up, leave or tell her to leave."
"If it's on the phone, hang up."
"Remind her that she has two grandchildren already."
"And that's all she's getting." ~ LastEntertainment787
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is a private matter between you and your husband.
Your MIL has no right to attack you about this.
Stay strong and good luck.
