Sometimes we can't admit to ourselves when there's someone in our life who doesn't have our best interests at heart.
That's especially true of romantic partners, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor WhileMindless2916 had been married for six years, and while things used to be great, her husband had developed a habit in the past year of eating any special snacks she purchased for herself.
When he went so far as to eat what she ordered at a restaurant while she took a work call, the Original Poster (OP) went home without him and wondered what this meant for their relationship.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting, or is my husband being a jerk?"
The OP's husband had started to do something strange during the past year.
"I (32 Female) have been married to my husband (34 Male) for six years. We have had a really happy and loving relationship, but in the last year, he has developed this strange habit."
"I like buying myself expensive snacks every once in a while to spoil myself, and I like eating them either during my periods or after a long day. He knows that since I've been doing it ever since we were dating."
"I always tell him beforehand that please don't eat this, I'm saving it for an occasion, and if you want, I will give you some then."
"For the past year, every time I buy myself snacks, when I come home from work, they're gone, not even a single bite left."
The OP knew that her husband was doing this on purpose.
"So I asked my husband, and he either says, 'I forgot you told me not to eat it,' or 'You must've eaten them and forgot.'"
"The first few times, I brushed it off, because, yeah, mistakes happen, blah blah blah. After that, I started getting annoyed, so I hid them, and STILL, THIS MAN WOULD SEARCH FOR THEM, FIND THEM, AND THEN EAT THEM."
"He still had the audacity to tell me, 'Oh, I forgot...'"
"This continued for a good six months, and I was pissed. I told him if he wanted my snacks so bad, why didn't he just buy himself some? He just went yeah, I will, BUT HE NEVER DID."
"This kept on going on, so I even started putting sticky notes saying, 'DO NOT EAT.' Yeah, you guessed it, he still ate them."
"It's not like I didn't share them or buy them with his money, so I didn't understand why he kept doing this. But I still let it go because I thought I was being petty."
The OP had had enough when her husband did the same when they went out to eat.
"Last week was my breaking point. We went to a nice place on a Friday night for a date, and we ordered our food."
"I got an important work call which I couldn't avoid, so I excused myself and went out to take it. I was out for 15 minutes max."
"By the time I came back, HE ATE THE ONE THING I ORDERED FOR MYSELF AND DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH HIS OWN FOOD."
"Obviously, I was visibly angry, and he said, 'Your food looked good, and I didn't want it to get cold.' SO YOU ATE IT?"
"I didn't shout at him. I just told him that I wanted to leave, but he hadn't finished his food, since he was busy finishing mine. I told him I'll take a cab home and left before hearing his protests."
"When he reached home, he was mad that I left him alone in the restaurant and said people around him stared."
"I told him that the people around him didn't steal each other's food, and then told him we'll talk tomorrow."
"I'm angry right now. Not just about the food but about him lying to my face, trying to gaslight me, and honestly being a bit of a manchild."
"Am I overreacting?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some didn't know why the husband was doing it, but they knew he was trying to hurt the OP on purpose.
"NOR. He is doing this on purpose. I don't know why, but it's so obvious." - -May_Maniac-
"Not sure of his motivations, but this is 100% on purpose."
"My theories are that you have, or he thinks you have, put on a bit of weight recently, and he's being a total a** about it."
"Or he's been consuming some Dude-Bro content recently, either online or someone whispering in his ear (or both), and this is some kind of bulls**t Alpha Male power move that he's testing you with to see what you do." - Wonder_Shrimp
"NOR. There's definitely some kind of power play happening here."
"I wonder if she makes more money than he does, and he hates her having nice things. Or maybe he hates any kind of women-in-authority thing, so he’s using her food to push back on boundaries. Don’t know, but definitely power/control." - GenoFlower
"I think he doesn't want you to have anything special that's just for you that you enjoy. It's kind of deranged."
"You could test the theory with something like a small plant, even just a bit of clover or something that you plant in a small jar. Pretend that it's special and give it a tiny bit of attention while smiling at it. See if it goes missing or dies suddenly." - Adorable_Strength319
"A man, a real d**n man, is captivated by a woman's beauty and cannot help but dote upon her and delight in her sense of security and satisfaction at his hand. Being an alpha, as it relates to women, is learning to control your boyish lust and desire to earn her affection, and in reasonable measure, maintaining some mystique, distance, and quiet intensity."
"Not stealing your wife's period chocolate."
"This is the most b***hmade s**t I've ever heard of. I bet he don't do it again if he opens that s**t and the most copper-plated, clotted-up, two-month-old blood-soaked maxipad is waiting on him in there. Set up a camera too. TRAIN HIM WITH THE MERCILESS FIRE OF SCORN AND SHAME." - s*ul_invictus
Others questioned if this was a relationship the OP wanted to stay in.
"I know it’s said a lot on Reddit, but consider divorcing him, OP. This is passive-aggressive behavior. He doesn’t respect you. He likes to see you get upset."
"It’s a microaggression that is a warning. His behavior could get a lot worse. He’s playing head games. GET OUT. NOR." - SunShineShady
"This is purposeful behavior. It's time to leave him. He's either power tripping, trying to make you feel bad, or trying to indirectly say that he thinks you weigh too much and don't need the food. ( is he fat?)"
"Snacks in the home are one thing, but out at a restaurant, why didn't you order two more of what he had eaten and make him pay the bill for it?"
"I would have called the server over and in front of your a**hole husband said, 'He enjoyed my food more than his, so I'll order two more for myself,' and stared him dead in the eye while I waited."
"It's time to leave him. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with him, have kids with him ( would he steal their baby formula also ?) and you shouldn't have to buy a lock box for your treats."
"You aren't reacting enough." - furandpaws
"This is really s**tty of him to do, and you shouldn't tolerate it, OP. I'd leave the restaurant AND the relationship." - PilotEnvironmental46
"He’s doing it because he’s angry with you. He may not even realise the reason, but there’s a really nasty side to this, and you’re underreacting. You need to leave before he gets worse." - DogtasticLife
"Ugh. I’ve had this happen in a prior long-term relationship too. Sorry that you are having to deal with what started as an annoying situation that has quickly turned into a disrespectful (at best), passive-aggressive situation."
"My ex, who I was with for close to 15 years, started doing this on the rare occasion that we ordered dessert. He is 'not a sweets guy' but would quickly plow most of it in his face. He eats quickly, and I like to savour what I’m eating, so I never stood a chance unless I wanted to participate in a feeding frenzy."
"My dad used to travel a lot for work, and would kindly ask us kids and our partners if we had any requests. For a while, work would bring him to Germany, where there was a very specific treat that I loved! I would always ask for a bar of this chocolate, and would ask my partner if he would like anything, and then I’d double-check again."
"Long story short, that dude would eat all my stuff! I value directness, and he, for the most part, would too, but when I asked what the f**k was up, he would laugh and try to be silly."
"A bit more of this, and I told him he was being passive-aggressive, bordering on some weird-a** manipulative behaviour."
"He said, 'I don’t want you to get fat!' And then he would body shame me a bit and blame it on my liking of sweets. As an aside, I am not overweight at all; I’m just not 22 anymore. Furthermore, it was uninvited, controlling, and not at all within the scope of behaviour that is acceptable in a partner."
"This was the start of a very slow rollout of controlling behaviours. They came out in small but impactful ways until it was too big of a burden."
"I learned my lesson. Just learn it from me and get out before you have to learn it, too." - enukyenuky
The subReddit was furious about how the OP was being treated by her husband, and they were sure it was indicative of something much worse in the future if the OP didn't correct it or leave now.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her