"Make yourself at home."
Something just about every host says to a guest after welcoming them in.
Deep down, this is more of an expression than an open invitation, which most guests know and watch their behavior.
Key words: most guests.
The boyfriend of Redditor deotaval's daughter was becoming a more and more frequent guest in their home.
As a result, he became increasingly comfortable in his surroundings.
Something the original poster (OP) did not appreciate eventually led them to ask their daughter to talk with her boyfriend.
After being called "greedy" by their daughter, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my daughter to talk to her boyfriend about his behavior in my kitchen?"
The OP explained why they were growing a bit tired of the behavior of their daughter's boyfriend:
"My daughter has a boyfriend."
"They're both 18, and he's often over at our house."
"It was okay at first."
"I don't mind feeding teens because I'm not a frugal person."
"I made spaghetti, tacos, chicken, snacks, and other typical home-cooked meals while they were handing out."
"But over the last few months, he's started acting in a way as if he lives here, and it honestly feels strange."
"He simply opens fridge to examine what's inside without asking whether he may have anything."
"Few times, he has asked with a container already in his hands."
"He’s also started making comments to my daughter, but in a way that I can hear them."
"Like, your mom hasn’t made that chicken dish in a while or I thought there would be pasta tonight."
"And he really eats a lot. He might finish almost all the cheese, drink the juice, take the last frozen waffles and then look for something else in the pantry."
"I feel ridiculous, like I’m counting pieces of food, but it just feels a bit annoying."
"I didn’t say anything to him directly because I didn’t want to embarrass him and my daughter."
"I spoke to her privately and asked her to tell him to behave a little more politely in our house."
"She got upset and said I was greedy and making a big deal out of eating."
"Now I don't know how to feel about it and feel like my daughter sees me in a bad light."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the op fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for asking his daughter to talk to her boyfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP's daughter had her wires completely crossed, and it was her boyfriend, not the OP, who was being "greedy".
"NTA."
"Funny how you're 'greedy' after months of feeding someone else's kid for free."- KateCranberry
"NTA."
"But OP, you need to have a convo with your daughter again, because I think she's going to think this is normal for the rest of her life and bend over backward to make her partner happy."
"Her calling you greedy as her PARENT has to be corrected; like, what if she stays with this bf and he starts mooching money off her instead of food."
"She's going to think she has to just give in to him, because she already thinks a boundary around food and groceries is GREEDY?"
"OP seriously correct her before she ends up being a people pleaser and miserable the rest of her life with sh*tty partners who walk all over her."- Key_Floo
"Teenage boys are vacuum cleaners."
"Slamming down the book of law won't hurt his feelings, just tell him straight up."
"I'm glad you feel at home here, but when it comes to fridge raiding, keep that sh*t for your own house."
"On the bright side, at least he seems to love your cooking!"
"NTA."- BrightFleece
"NTA."
"If your daughter won't confront him, you have to."
"Even if it embarrasses her."
"You need to teach them both boundaries and manners."- Actual-Ganache-5364
"Ask your daughter if she would raid his family fridge without asking."
"NTA."- capricorn40
"NTA."
"Ask him wtf he thinks he doing!"
"My a** would’ve been grounded til death if I let a friend or bf eat so much and be so disrespectful."
"We were broke."- falling_grace
"NTA."
"But - your house, your rules, you should be the one having the convo."
"You should speak to him like he’s five years younger."
"Break it down for him about polite behavior in others’ homes since apparently no one taught or expected proper behavior."
"Also, you are modeling for your kid how to act in any kind of relationship."
"When there is tension or disagreement, how do you want her to act?"
"You may need to model this by having the talk yourself."
"18 year olds can still be pretty immature - treat both of them like this is a learning opportunity."- this-thing
"NTA."
"To me, it sounds like your daughter might be embarrassed about you saying something to her and tried to flip the blame back on you because she knows he’s not acting right."- Ocean_Spice
"NTA, but you need to be the one to talk to him."- Flat-Replacement4828
"NTA."
"I’m surprised he’s gotten so comfortable! I was over at my boyfriend’s parents' house all the time before we got our own place, and I never DARED touch that fridge unless my partner was actively getting into it."
"Also, taking the last of something as a guest is a serious no!"
"I’m sure my shyness/humbleness has an impact on my opinion, but I think you need to say something yourself to remind him that he is a guest in your home."
"Instead of going through your daughter."
"As a girl dad, you have a right to put a lil fear in him lol."- RinaCinders
"It's your house and your food, so it's kind of on you to call him out."
"Just say he needs to ask before taking something to eat and not finish anything off."
"If he has a problem, then fine, he can't eat there anymore."
"Your house, your rules."
"Especially if he's there a lot."
"NTA."- MummyEvans
"NTA."
"This is a respect thing."
"Set clear boundaries, and see if the situation improves."
"If it does not, then limit the amount of time he is in your home."
"Do you know much about his home life?"
"Is food readily available in his home?"
"Growing up, we had a friend who would do this very thing, and we realized that it was because he never had much food in his own house."
"It was sad, honestly."- sausageslinger11
"NTA."
"I completely agree that it is not okay to make yourself at home in someone else's house, let alone having expectations about the food that is there."
"You seem to have tried to address the issue politely yourself."- state_your_name31415
"NTA, and it’s past time to insert some boundaries."- ScrubsNScalpels
"NTA."
"Your daughter is being immature."
"Which, I expected from an 18-year-old."
"She probably thinks her boyfriend is her 'everything' and nagging parents are just in the way of them and their 'true love romance'.'
"But yeah, that boy needs to learn manners, and your daughter is just being pissy."
"They both need to grasp the concept of respect."- Frankensteins_Kid
"NTA."
"There's nothing greedy about wanting to be treated with respect in your own home."
"Out of respect, I would never just go and help myself to someone else's fridge, and I certainly wouldn't finish the last of anything they had!"
" I would eat an appropriate portion of whatever they chose to give me and leave it at that."
"You shouldn't be solely responsible for feeding this boy during the many hours he's at your house."
"Not to mention, he's 18. Does he have a job?"
"Why can't he go and buy some stuff to have in the house for when he's over?"
"And some extra to contribute to the massive amount he's already eaten."
"Not saying he has to fill your fridge, but replacing a carton of juice or some frozen waffles would be a great gesture to show his girlfriend's family that he appreciates them."
"Please keep talking to your daughter."
"She's a teen, and they aren't always able to see the whole picture, but hopefully, if you help show her what's going on and that it's about more than just the food, it's about his behaviors at your house, she will be better able to spot when someone is being disrespectful and overstepping with her."
"Good luck, OP."- Illustrious-Dot-1128
"NTA."
"You handled it really gently by speaking to your daughter privately first."
"I wouldn't be so polite."
"Can't stand impudent people."- SpencerSporcut73
There is some pretty unfortunate greed happening here.
Not coming from the parent who is opening their fridge and kitchen cabinet to a hungry teenager, however.
Something the OP's Daughter may hopefully come to realize.
