People don't appreciate being stoen from.
It can be especially hurtful when it's someone person knows doing the stealing.
And exposing a person's thievery can cause a lot of drama.
So, is there an easy solution in these situations?
Redditor Octyss found himself in a dilemma regarding his SIL's new boyfriend, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for baiting my SIL's BF?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"To introduce the main story, let me explain why I did what I did first."
"I (34 M[ale]) and my wife (34 F[emale]) invited over for dinner my wife's sister (S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]) - F 29) and her new B[oy]F[riend] (M 23), whom she has been with for 3 months."
"Prior to the diner, I had to go grocery shopping, and left around 100€ in my car (I took out 250 for the groceries, but ended up using only 150)."
"When SIL comes home, she asks for my car key to get her BF from the train station, no problem."
"The diner was good, feeling this is a good guy, etc."
"Next morning I want to go service one of my watches, I go to the shop and can only find 30€ in my car."
"When I go home, I tell my wife, and she says I probably used more for groceries, but I have both receipts from the bank and grocery, and they didn't match."
"She told me I had surely lost some cash at the grocery store."
"I don't buy that."
"Cue yesterday, we are on vacation at the family house near the beach, we invite SIL and BF for the week, we already paid for everything (grocery for the week is done, I bought enough wine for more than we can drink, and even gave SIL my company 'vacation check' she used to pay tool fare (they came with her car) the only thing they had to pay for is gas."
"Now the part I might be the AH: wife and SIL head for the beach, and BF and I would go play a bit of tennis."
"I set up my work computer in front of my wallet (which I openly left with some visible cash) with the camera and Teams activated, and switch screen to some BS Excel worksheet."
"I tell him I have to go to the bathroom for a few minutes before going, when I come back, I see at the first glance my wallet has moved a little bit."
"I say nothing, and we go."
"When everyone is in bed the same day, I watch the recording and see him took out 60€ in cash from my wallet."
"The same night, I tell my wife again that cash is missing, and the only thing that is the same in the two scenarios is the new BF."
"She told me to kick rocks and that I am TA for even thinking he will do that."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So 2 questions here, AITAH for baiting him to stole from me and WIBTAH if I bust him out with the recording? My wife don't know yet I filmed it, is it a good idea to tell her or would I bury myself here?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. And you didn't bait him; he made a choice, and he is a thief."
"Don't be silent, that will enable him." ~ Whyamiwritingthis_7
"You have the receipts... It's 100% on you here, dont hide that you have the video from your wife."
"Show her, tell her you know he's a thief and have proof."
"Then help her convince SIL to cut ties before she's hooked too deeply." ~ cursedpoetic
"Just show all 3 the recordings, give him constructive feedback, no resentments, tell her sister that this is something she has to think about and decide, and then immediately ask your wife to come with you as you have to discuss with her."
"They will definitely talk, but you need to tell your wife that not trusting her man… that’s not good for your marriage."
"She should always defend you until proven otherwise."
"What’s the point of the marriage then?"
"Just not to be alone?"
"Safe bet?" ~ xiannicolae
"NTA. Fu*k that dude, he stole, call him out!" ~ Relevant-Astronaut27
"You should have had both SIL and wife present and shown them the video at the same time, preaching it to SIL that you are so sorry you have to show her this."
"Telling your wife and not revealing you had video proof?"
"Why did you do that?"
"You definitely need to get them alone and just show them." ~ 1RainbowUnicorn
"NTA, but don't get too mad at your wife if you didn't tell her at the time, you recorded."
"Sure, she should believe you, but someone approaching with a hunch vs. evidence is different."
"Honestly, I'd even consider charges if you are in a one-party consent state and he doesn't IMMEDIATELY pay you back." ~ RLLCCR
"NTA: You had your suspicions and wanted to check."
"It would have been malicious baiting if you framed a certain type of outcome."
"You didn't. In no way, shape, or form did you encourage him to listen to the demon on his shoulder."
"He made that choice."
"You only showed him that you trusted him with your wallet around, a sign which he should have respected to the max."
"Also, show your wife the recordings."
"Since you just uncovered a thief, she probably absolutely wants to know this for the safety of her sister SIL." ~ Appropriate_Donkey18
"Gather him, SIL, and your wife into one place and show them all the footage, then tell him you want the money back, including the money he took from your car, or you will take the footage to the police."
"This guy is a thief, and you need to grow a pair because it needs to be brought to everyone's attention asap so SIL can see what kind of man she is involved with."
"Update us when you've finally seen sense and confronted him."
"DO NOT let him get away with this." ~ winterworld561
"NTA. He’s probably already stealing from your SIL, too, and her friends or parents if he’s allowed in their homes."
"You have to tell her to protect herself and the people around her." ~ DConstructed
"NTA, your gut was right."
"I'd approach him with the evidence, ask him to explain himself, and pay up."
"Whether you want to tell the wife and SIL is up to you."
"One observation, if everything's paid for, it could be to buy drugs."
"Or he just thought you were an easy mark who wouldn't notice, but it seems pretty gutsy to go back for seconds." ~ greenbud420
OP returned with Updates...
"This has been a rough day."
"I had a conversation with my wife yesterday night where I said again there is cash missing in my wallet, we have been together since before high school, and she knows when I hide something and straight up asked me what I didn't tell her."
"I told her about the recording, and her reaction was not anger as I feared."
"She just asked me to see it."
"After watching it, we spoke about what to do next to peacefully approach her sister (this is where I used a lot of your good advice)."
"We decided that she'll be the one telling her 1 to 1 today at the spa, and I'll be having a 1-1 conversation with the BF."
"So today the girls got to the spa at 10 am, and I took the BF for a ride, telling him we'll do a surprise for the girls, but I drove right in front of the police station and told him that my wife and I know he's stealing, and that he has 10seconds to explain himself or I'll go to the police."
"He just started crying."
"Told me he lost his father just after the start of their relationship, and the funeral put him in debt."
"I lost my father at a young age, and somehow related because I saw the same scenario with my mother (but she didn't steal anyone as far as I know). "
"We had a deep conversation where I basically scolded him and told him that trust is forever broken on our side. "
"I drove him home and told him to wait till the girls come back from the spa to tell the truth himself."
"He then wired me 130€ and again excused himself."
"The rest didn't happen like I was thinking."
"My wife and SIL came back at 1 pm, SIL was bright red when entering the house, she went right into the room, took all his belongings, threw them, and him on the street and told him to go f** himself."
"Asked my wife what happened in the spa, and she waited after their massage to tell the whole story."
"Turns out some of you in the comment were right, already 2 of her friends told her things went missing after meeting with him."
"They chatted for a bit, and she decided to break things with him."
"Then my wife told her I did a recording of the 2nd stealing, and she got a burst of anger toward him."
"They are now at one bottle of wine each, looking at the recording and laughing hard."
"BF tried to call her multiple times already and sent a lot of texts asking for a meeting to explain and that he is stranded in the street, but they just laugh and drink lol."
Thanks to all the commenters who gave good advice; I used a lot of them to chat with my wife yesterday."
Reddit was with you all the way, OP.
This man has a sad problem.
You had to protect your belongings.
It seems like you did your SIL a favor.
Good on you.
u/MarxistMountainGoat/Reddit
