It's never fun to feel left out of the loop.
In some cases, it's an honest mistake when a message innocently gets lost in transit.
Other times, it might even be our own fault, when we didn't pay attention or listen closely enough.
Then there are those unfortunate times when someone pointedly, even maliciously, withholds information from us.
All three situations leave the potential for embarrassment wide open.
Redditor TJMaGooks was recently a guest at a wedding in which his wife was one of the bridesmaids.
When the original poster (OP) arrived at the wedding, he quickly realized he had missed a piece of information.
Information his wife realized she forgot to mention to him, which the OP did not appreciate at all.
After being accused of overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for being upset that my wife forgot to tell me the wedding dress code?"
The OP explained why they were not at all happy to discover their wife forgot to fill them in on an important detail about a recent wedding:
"My wife was a bridesmaid in one of her close friend's weddings this weekend."
"She had been involved in the planning for months with dress fittings, rehearsals, group chats, and everything else."
"I was not involved at all."
"I figured if there was anything important I needed to know, she would let me know."
"I got dressed in what I thought was appropriate and we headed to the wedding, but as soon as we got there, I realized something was wrong."
"Every single man there was wearing a black tuxedo with a bow tie."
"Not just the groom and groomsmen."
"Every male guest."
"I was the only guy in a regular suit."
"I felt totally out of place."
"A couple of people joked that I must have missed the memo."
"They probably did not mean anything by it, but it was still embarrassing."
"I stood out like a sore thumb."
"I asked my wife if she knew everyone was supposed to be in tuxedos."
"She just said, 'Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I was busy helping with wedding prep'."
"That honestly made me feel even worse."
"She had known about the dress code for a long time because she was in the bridal party and had been talking to the bride the whole time."
"If she had mentioned it, I would have rented a tux."
"Instead, I spent the whole night feeling self-conscious."
"When we got home, I told her I was upset."
"She said I was making a big deal out of nothing because nobody cared what I was wearing and that I should just laugh it off."
"I told her it was not really about the tux."
"It was about the fact that she knew, I did not, and she never thought to tell me."
"It would have taken five seconds to mention it, and it would have saved me from feeling embarrassed."
"Now she thinks I am overreacting, but I feel like my frustration is justified."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally felt that the OP didn’t share quite enough to merit judgment.
Many felt that the OP didn't share quite enough information, specifically whether or not he ever had access to the wedding invitation, which presumably listed the dress code:
"INFO: How did everyone else know about the dress code?"
"Was it written on the invitation?"
"Or was it strictly word of mouth?"- Pandoratastic
"Info: was an invitation sent and were you included?"
"Mail/email?"- bexicus
"Info."
"Did you ever have a conversation with her about what you should where?"
"Like hey honey I'm planning to wear this suit to the wedding."
"Does this seem good to you?"- pudge-thefish
"INFO: why didn’t you ask?"
"It’s pretty normal to ask about a dress code for a formal event."- nurseasaurus
"INFO: did your wife see you in your outfit before you left for the wedding?"
"If so, she made a choice to not say a word to you about it then."- SherbetDue789
While some felt the OP's anger and frustration were justified, being particularly surprised that his wife didn't say anything when she saw him wearing a suit and not a black tie:
"NTA."
"She knew for months and said nothing."
"Even on the day of the event she said nothing."- SlideItIn100
"NTA."
"A similar scenario happened to my friend, and her husband was the best man lol."
"She was the only one who wore the wrong dress (they had to travel separately to this wedding) and got looks the entire evening."
"She really expected her husband to tell her the dress code, I would be annoyed too."
"She knew it was cocktail attire but didn't know that the women were supposed to dress in certain colors, like gold, silver, etc."
"Which imo is kind of extreme to expect out of guests, but everyone else had adhered to it except her, so she ended up standing out as much as the bride."- Forsaken-Ad1300
Others, however, had trouble sympathizing with the OP, unable to understand how he couldn't have found out about the dress code one way or the other:
"YTA."
"This is what happens when a husband treats his wife like a secretary."
"Your wife was helping with the wedding, and you’re an adult."
"Read the invite next time instead of waiting to be told what to wear like a child."- WifeOfSpock
"I guess unpopular opinion but YTA."
"You received an invitation, did you not?"
"You could have read the dress code on the invitation."
"Or asked what the dress code was."
"It's wild to me that you were like, 'well, I'll just get dressed without knowing what the dress code is' and then blame your wife for not telling you."
"She's you wife, not your mother, and you are not a child."
"And she's right, she had a lot on her mind as part of the bridal party, she thought she could trust her husband to be a functional adult instead of babying him."- Elegant-Analyst-7381
"YTA."
"Making sure you know the dress code is the responsibility of every individual guest, as long as the info is given in the invite, on their wedding site, or something similar to that."
"Every other male guest managed to know about the dress code so the info was obviously available to guests."
"You shouldn't have expected her to take on the extra burden of making sure you were being an adult."
"You should never do that, but especially not when she's already responsible for loads of other things."
"Your attitude makes you less of a partner, and more of a burden."- xthxthaoiw
Then there were those who had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or his wife, feeling they both could have done better in establishing the dress code:
"ESH."
"Maybe she should have told you, maybe you should have asked."
"Maybe she’s tired of your assumptions that she should tell you what an adult man should do in every situation."-Radiant_Annual_4027
"ESH."
"She definitely should have mentioned it to you, as it is the most restrictive dress code possible."
"And you should have asked, as you knew she was involved in the planning."- Jerseygirl2468
The OP later returned with an update, clarifying a few things, including the frequently asked topic of why he didn't check the invitation himself:
"A lot of people have asked why I didn't check the invitation or ask about the dress code."
"That's a fair question."
"I assumed my wife would have mentioned something out of the ordinary since she was part of the bridal party and knew all the details."
"I also didn't think much of it because every wedding I have been to before, a suit was perfectly appropriate."
"I take responsibility for not checking the invitation myself."
"My frustration isn't that I think it was entirely my wife's responsibility."
"It's that she knew every man was expected to wear a tux, knew I didn't know, and simply forgot to mention it."
"If the roles were reversed and I knew something that would have left her feeling out of place all evening, I would like to think I would have mentioned it to her."
"If she had mentioned it to me, I would have rented a tux without hesitation."
It's true, the OP's wife could have absolutely told him about the dress code.
However, the dress code is also always on a wedding invitation, which the OP could have checked himself at any time.
While this could be blamed on poor communication, one also can't help but feel that both the OP and his wife could be brave and take some responsibility themselves....
