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Woman Refuses To Leave Wedding With Husband After He Was Kicked Out For Violating Dress Code

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It is seems to be a truth universally acknowledged a wedding day must be in need of someone who decides to make it all about them, even if they are not the bride or groom.

This occurs rather more often than anyone would like—with in-laws, parents or even people who we aren’t that close to.

This is why 30-year-old Redditor Hesaid-Hesaid7 was not impressed with her husband when he dissented disrespectfully to the dress code set by her younger sister for her sister’s wedding. After he was asked to leave the wedding, he expected his wife to come with him—and she did not.

Unsure if she’d made the wrong decision by staying at the wedding, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to get objective feedback from strangers:

“AITA for not leaving my sister’s wedding with my husband after he got kicked out of it?”

Our original poster, or OP, traced the origin of her husband’s conflict with the dress code.

“My sister’s, 27, wedding was last week. She and her husband chose formal attire as the dress code for their wedding.”

“It was mentioned beforehand to give guests the heads up. When my husband M[ale]33 found out he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all saying he didn’t think it was fair to dictate what guests wear in the first place and that this entire rule was stupid and unnecessary.”

“Then complained on a personal level to my sister and her now husband. He said he wanted to wear something casual which is what he usually wears and asked if they could turn a blind eye and just let him attend wearing casual since he’s family.”

“My brother in-law said rules are for all with no exceptions. My husband repeatedly expressed how uncomfortable he was wearing a suit and that all his old suits are just lame and made him look older.”

“My brother in-law stated this was the official dress code and asked my husband to either follow it or not go.”

After this, OP attempted to explain to her husband that resistance was futile.

“My husband came home after that saying my brother-in-law was power tripping and acting like a typical spoiled White kid who wants everything his way and control others as they were puppets.”

“I said that’s his wedding of course he gets the final say and suggested that he wear his newest suit and buy a tie.”

“At the day of the wedding I went early to help my sister since I had a part in it and suddenly we heard noise coming from the entrance.”

“It was my husband wearing blue jeans and a red Guerra t-shirt arguing with my brother-in-law and the staff insisting on getting inside.”

“I rushed to get involved and my brother-in-law repeatedly asked my husband to go put on a suit or not come back.”

“My husband refused and they exchanged a few choice words and mom got involved but my brother-in-law told him to leave.”

After being kicked out, OP’s husband was stunned when she refused to go with him.

“My husband resisted then told me to grab my stuff so we could leave together. I said no.”

“He looked stunned and I said I didn’t do anything besides I wanted to be with my sister and had work to do. He got upset and left.”

“He blew up at me after I got home saying I had no problem standing there watching my sister and her husband humiliate and kick him out then refusing to take a stand and leave with him.”

“I told him this was the outcome of his stubborness and he replied saying ‘since when wanting to have freedom to wear whatever I want meant stubbornness?'”

“He said I should’ve supported him and went hone with him and not let my family mistreat him like that.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors weren’t super sympathetic toward OP’s husband.

“NTA. Your husband had plenty of notice to find something appropriate to wear, was repeatedly told the dress code, and yet he turned up in jeans and a t-shirt.”

“He didn’t even attempt to dress nice casual in slacks and a button up. He’s definitely the asshole in this situation.”

“You support your spouse when they are in the right not when they are behaving like toddlers that don’t want to wear their socks.”-snarkyshark83

“NTA. OP’s husband made a huge whiny deal about dressing as required, sounds like he harassed the heck out of BIL/sister about getting ‘an exception’ just for him.”

“He deserved to be kicked out of the wedding for deciding to purposely ignore the dress requirement. He could have just not come, but instead wore about the crappiest clothes he could find to try to make a point about ‘freedom.'”

“What a drag of an act. OP was right to stay at her sister’s wedding (she was in it) and not support her husband’s obnoxious, entitled behavior. A spouse stands up for a spouse when they are right, not when they’re being an a-hole.”-sailingisgreat

“It’s like people forget choices have CONSEQUENCES.”

“Sure you can choose to dress casual to a wedding that is formal and a consequence of that choice is being kicked out of the wedding for not following the dress code.”

“Also what about BIL’s freedom of choice on who comes to his wedding?”

“Guess OP’s husband thinks he’s the only one entitled to freedom of choice and everyone else has to bend to his will. Just another example of someone using ‘freedom’ to justify being an a**hole. NTA”-GalliumYttrium1

“NTA you didn’t humiliate him, he humiliated himself. He was repeatedly told the rules and that if he couldn’t follow them, he shouldn’t show up.”

“Hopefully when he calms down, he can be the better person and apologize. If he can’t, good luck navigating that, but do not waste a minute thinking you or your family are to blame over his hurt feelings or embarrassment.”-LLDN

“NTA but he absolutely is and childish and disrespectful on top of it. He KNEW the dress code and he KNEW he wouldn’t be allowed in otherwise but decided he wanted to be a special snowflake and get his way.”

“And then expected you to leave with him? I would’ve told him to leave and not be at the house when I get home.”

“My 4 year old (at the time) cousin wore a little suit and vest for my wedding. He was our ring bearer and this kid is all rough and tumble and he was perfectly behaved (and adorable!) in his suit.”

“My 5 year old daughter was the flower girl in my sister’s wedding last week outside in the stuffy heat and was perfect! Your husband is pathetic.”phoenixdragon2020

In fact, people thought he crossed a line so purposefully and disrespectfully, there must be something else going on.

“I’m usually the one rolling my eyes during the demands at the bride/groom in these reddit wedding stories. But not this time.”

“I fully agree. OP’s husband humiliated himself. He didnt just want to dress casually – sounds like he wanted to cause a scene and have a moment.”

“I bet he thought he was ‘sticking it to the man!’ or some corny BS like that, by showing up in his freedom fighter t-shirt and telling off the groom for trying to make him conform.”

“I bet he pictured OP running off with him, and it being like a movie. Hubby was an idiot and selfish AF if he thought OP would miss her sister’s wedding because he wanted to make a statement…..”-Electrical-Date-3951

“You are NTA, but what is wrong with your husband? Has he always been this confrontational and self centered, or is this uncharacteristic and new behavior?”

“He didn’t have to wear a tuxedo, but he could have worn a suit for a few hours, and even could have removed his jacket.”

“Heck, if he showed up in slacks and a button down shirt without making a spectacle of himself, at someone else’s wedding, he could have probably been admitted and not caused a fight.”

“He was a jerk to show up dressed as he was, and then doubled down by fighting back when he was asked to change or stay away.”

“I’m glad you didn’t skip out on your sister’s wedding. I’m sorry your husband is either a jerk, or else has something going on that’s impacting his personality and rationality.”-Sooozn85

“NTA. Your husband had plenty of warning that he needed to wear formal clothes. Your husband had plants of time to find formal clothes.”

“Formal attire for a wedding is super reasonable. Your BIL gave him the option to change and come back. He just expected you to leave, despite you being part of the wedding party.

“Everything he did shows a huge amount of disrespect to your sister and BIL, but also to you. He couldn’t put up with wearing a suit for a few hours, so that he could be part of the celebration.”

“Some questions I have: Does he ever wear suits? Does he get this upset about other people asking him to wear suit, or was it your BIL asking specifically that made him mad?”

“How old are his suits? Is part of the issue that they are all several years old? Is part of the issue that you had a place in the wedding and he did not? And that he felt left out?”-Shining_Sparks

“NTA. When did it become socially acceptable NOT to dress up for a wedding? I always wear a tie. It’s basically the only time I wear them.”

“He needs to grow up. Putting a suit on for a special event is not a big request.”-IBeTrippin

“NTA. But your husband is. He went there to deliberately cause a scene.”

“He KNEW he wouldn’t be allowed in, he KNEW there would be trouble & he caused it, On Purpose.”

“He had 2 choices, wear a suit & tie or not go, instead he chose to throw a tantrum & tried to wreak your sisters wedding. Then he has the hide to try & blame you for his appalling behaviour & subsequent consequences.”

“This had nothing to do with stubbornness & everything to do with Him Acting like an AH at your sister’s wedding.”Competitive_Tea2413

And people condemned his behavior above anybody else’s.

“NTA sheesh, it’s not like he had to rent or buy a tux!”

“If he had made a minimum effort and put on slacks and a button up shirt and tie (no jacket or no suit) they probably would’ve been irritated but let it go.”

“But showing up in jeans and a t shirt to a formal event?! Way to show you don’t give a crap about anyone else!”-johnlock

“NTA: Weddings and funerals are the exceptions to ‘freedom to wear whatever I want’ subject. Generally, I’m in the camp of wear what you want as it’s your body, even if I disagree with it or think it’s inappropriate.”

“Weddings and funerals are the exceptions. If the wedding asks you to wear X, you wear X or politely decline.”

“Funerals are generally considered somber clothing (unless a special request is made like ‘Susan loved spring we would be honored if you would wear spring pastels’).”

“(also yes I made assumptions based on US custom, I’m aware other cultures have different standards but the rules still apply)”-olddragonfaerie

“NTA. He wasn’t being mistreated. From what I’m used to its not common to wear whatever you want to a wedding.”

“It’s usually for mal or semi formal. I’ve never been to a Black Tie wedding but those do exist as well.”

“Is it more common for him to be able to wear whatever he wants to weddings?”-pnutbuttercups56

“NTA. You husband acted like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum.”

“The only person who humiliated your husband is your husband- and he should be apologising to everyone involved. That must have been a difficult situation, well done for making the right choice.”-R_Mack

It may have stunned OP’s husband when she didn’t side with him.  Heck, it probably even hurt him.

But Reddit has spoken: OP did not have to indulge her husband in this moment.  And in moving forward, hopefully he will apologize for his behavior.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.