Food boundaries are a real thing for many people.
And a lot of people love leftovers.
So when a person, even a loved one, comes for another person’s food, things could get dangerous.
Many people don’t want to share food like clothing.
So, knives out…
Redditor i_love_you_stranger wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not sharing my leftovers with my B[oy]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My BF (31 M[ale]) is convinced that it’s a red flag that I (27 F[emale]) don’t want to split my leftovers with him.”
“Basically, he’s much larger than I am, so he always finishes his meals when we go out, and since I’m smaller, I tend to eat half and save the rest as a lunch for the next day during work.”
“Recently, he’s been arguing that it’s selfish of me not to share those leftovers with him if he asks for some.”
“For example, if we are at the restaurant and he’s finished and I’m waiting to box mine up, and he says, ‘Can I finish that?'”
“I said no because I wanted it the next day.”
“He thinks that’s greedy.”
“Sometimes he’s paying for these meals, sometimes I’m paying, but I personally don’t think payment matters.”
“I was raised in a more selfish way where my multiple siblings and I would fight over food, and my parents weren’t very generous either, so it is a little ingrained in me.”
“Whereas my BF was raised in a very generous, sharing household, so he was a bit alarmed that my knee-jerk reaction was no.”
“Which I can understand.”
“He says that if I asked for his food, he wouldn’t hesitate to give it to me.”
“He says he would give me the shirt off his back.”
“I guess I am just of the mindset that my meal is mine, and of course, he can have a few bites, but I really want to save it for the next day.”
“He’s come up with a rule that if we’re going out to a nice fancy restaurant for an occasion, whatever food is left over, we will equally split.”
“However, keep in mind he always finishes his own food.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Curious to see if I’m the a**hole? Is it selfish of me if I don’t want to share my leftovers?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“He’s the greedy one, not you.”
“He doesn’t get to set a rule that only benefits him.”
“So he gets more food than you every time?”
“That’s bull.”
“He’s selfish, and it isn’t right that he’s forcing you to give up your food. NTA.” ~ ComprehensiveBand586
“I grew up with 3 brothers, and they could be greedy with food, which made me protective of mine.”
“I cannot stand sharing my food, and it took multiple stern discussions with my husband, but he finally figured out my food is off limits.”
“I often offer my food to him, but if I’m planning to eat it later, he had better lay off.”
“One time he ate my last Cadbury egg, my mom sent to me for Easter.”
“It’s been YEARS, and I’m still salty. NTA!!!” ~ smcivor1982
“He should just buy him an extra meal.”
“My ex used to eat the rest of any food I had left.”
“I started ordering things he didn’t like, which was hard, because he eats practically everything. NTA.” ~ flowerybutterfly96
“When I was growing up, my parents always ordered two things at a restaurant and shared both.”
“Because of this, I assumed that one of the benefits of married life would be getting to try/share two things every time we went out.”
“My husband grew up in poverty with several siblings and had to literally fight for food.”
“He assumed that one of the benefits of adult life was never having to share food again.”
“Early on, after being secretly annoyed that I would ask to share his food, he started waiting for me to order, and then order the same thing so he wouldn’t have to share.”
“We were probably two years in before we really talked about our different values around food.”
“Neither is ‘wrong.'”
“Neither is ‘right.'”
“But it is wrong for either of us to impose our personal beliefs about the way it ‘should’ be done on the other.”
“‘Sharing’ is a much more complex issue than people think. NTA.” ~ Ornery-Willow-839
“I feel similarly to you, we were brought up where you generally offered the family a bite to try something new, but then it was expected to offer a bite back.”
“Added a bit of variety to the meal, being able to try different things.”
“Luckily, my husband and I have identical tastes and will often just cut our meals in half and share.”
“Granted, he gets a bit more because he’s hungry. NTA.” ~ Kebar8
“NTA Jesus Christ.”
“He’s DENYING YOU FOOD!!!”
“Yes, you have already eaten, but you ordered it; regardless of who is paying, you want to keep it for the next day.”
“If you were just going to throw it away, that’s a very different story.”
“If he has a big appetite, then he should order more food.”
“He’s the red flag here.”
“He’s trying to control your access to food.”
“Leave before this behavior seeps into the rest of your relationship.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA. He got to eat all of his food, so you should be able to as well.” ~ ArrivalBoth6519
“100%. It’s sooo convenient how his rule of splitting any leftover food at restaurants doesn’t affect HIM at all because he always finishes his food.”
“He doesn’t get to make rules that you MUST split your food with him.”
“He sounds super selfish and greedy.”
“What a turn off.” ~ suhhhrena
“NTA. You are allowed to have things for yourself in a relationship.”
“You don’t have to share everything just because you are dating someone.”
“The real red flag here is your BF thinking he can eat his own meal and then claim half of yours, even though you have plans for that (lunch).”
“Him saying he would give you anything is just him trying to make you feel guilty over something you don’t need to feel guilty over.”
“If you would leave the food at the restaurant and they’d toss it, sure, let him finish it, but you want it yourself for the next day, and that is totally fine.”
“If it’s nice food, you’d probably look forward to having it the next day, so why can’t your BF let you have that?”
“Why is it more important to him to eat it himself, even though he had a full meal already?”
“It’s not greedy to wanna keep your own food.”
“Seems more greedy to me what he does.”
“Also, what do you mean he ‘came up with a rule?”
“Is he the boss of the relationship?”
“He can’t just make up rules you have to follow because he doesn’t like what’s happening.”
“I would not want to go out for a meal with someone like that.” ~ SweetNothings12
“NTA. Your BF is greedy – pretty gross. dude, order two – don’t be salivating all over my plate.”
“I get where you’re coming from.”
“I eat slowly, and people getting in my food business is an absolute – we are no longer friends boundary.” ~ avalynkate
“NTA. If he needs more food after finishing his own meal, he needs to order more food.”
“If he has eaten enough, but still wants your food, he’s in danger of developing an eating disorder and will end up overweight or even obese in the near future.”
“If you have plans for your portion (lunch tomorrow), it’s perfectly normal for him not to get any of it.”
“If you just took it home to eat whenever (or maybe not), then it would be selfish not to share.”
“It’s all a red flag to be honest.”
“Not a huge one, but still a red flag if he starts an argument over this.” ~ Thanatofobia
“NTA and he calling it a ‘red flag’ is both dangerous and ridiculous.”
“That term specifically refers to potential signs of future abuse.”
“To suggest you don’t want to share your leftovers is a sign of abuse is INSANE.”
“He’s being selfish.”
“Notice that he rarely has leftovers, so he basically is just shaking you down for more food.”
“It’s not like you’d be sharing equally in leftovers – he just wants his food and yours.”
“That’s greedy.”
“He can order himself more food if he’s still hungry.”
“But I feel like he’s not doing that because it would highlight how gluttonous he’s being.” ~ lordmwahaha
“NTA. He bought you the meal, so it’s yours to eat now or eat later.”
“Sure, you can share if you want, but you shouldn’t feel obligated.”
“I’d be tempted to buy my own meals when out! I like the leftovers.”
“If he wants some to take home, he could order extra to go and not penalize your smaller appetite later on.” ~ TangerineCouch18330
“NTA. Your leftovers are your food.”
“Wanting to save them for lunch isn’t greedy, it’s practical.”
“Just because he’d share his food doesn’t mean you have to do the same, especially if he’s always finishing his and only wants yours.”
“That ‘split the leftovers’ rule is pretty one-sided.” ~ TheTallestGuyy
“NTA… when you go out, both of you order your portions, and are free to do what you want with your portions.”
“He is being greedy by wanting to have his own and a part of yours.” ~ Separate_Avocado5964
“NTA, he thinks you are not giving him half your food, while he keeps all of his own, is greedy?”
“It’s easy to offer something you know won’t be taken.”
“He doesn’t get to make rules about how much of your stuff isn’t actually yours.” ~ Zestyclose-Custard-2
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are allowed to keep your own food.
It has nothing to do with your past.
This is a boundary for you that your BF is choosing to disrespect.
Try poking him with a fork the next time he tries to eat your meal.
Good Luck.