Most people know what key qualities they're looking for in a romantic partner, and one is a shared feeling about having pets or not.
But while people who want pets know that there will occasionally be messes, they can agree that the home should be generally clean for health and comfort, reasoned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor theghostof702 had been dating a woman for a while and knew that she had multiple pets, while he had one cat of his own.
But when he started to see a little more of her world, how dirty she allowed her home to get, and how little she trained her pets, the Original Poster (OP) put his foot down when she started to bring those questionable behaviors into his home.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for telling my girlfriend that her pets need to get out of my house?"
The OP's girlfriend was very relaxed about her pets making disgusting messes in their home.
"I (38 Male) told my girlfriend (42 Female) she has to get her pets out of my house."
"She’s come to visit for a few weeks. She has four little dogs and a cat. I just have one cat."
"As soon as they got here, the problems started. All they do is bark at me and my cat, and p**s and s**t in the house regardless of how long they are outside with her."
"These are older dogs, so there’s no coming back from that."
The OP's girlfriend did nothing to discipline or train her pets, either.
"One morning, I walk out of my room, and there’s a big pile of dog s**t right there. And there were s**t streaks where this dog wiped her a** on my carpet."
"She does nothing to discipline them for it. All she does is clean it and put down puppy pads, which stink, too."
"These dogs will run outside in the dirt and jump right on my couch and roll around; she just laughs about it."
"As for her cat! I hate this thing! I don’t even allow my cat in my room."
"But I get home one day, and my room smells like cat p**s. I have a strong nose, so I smelled it instantly."
"She pretended to not smell it, so I told her to put her nose where I lay and inhale deeply. She said she didn’t smell anything, but her face said it all."
"So I asked why her face winced. Then, without skipping a beat, her cat ran into my room and jumped on my bed like it was his and was something he was used to doing."
The animals also did not have a good relationship with the OP.
"When I looked at him and pointed, he hissed at me and swatted at my finger. I asked her if her cat is in my room when I’m gone; she looked down and said yes."
"The other day he got stuck between my sectional, so I went to help him. I went to help him, and he attacked me, and all she did was laugh."
"When I went off about her animals destroying my house, the waterworks started, and she started saying how I don’t love her."
The OP had had enough.
"I told her it’s not her; it’s the lack of control she has over her d**n animals."
"I want these d**n things out of my house."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some didn't believe that the girlfriend had trained her pets at all.
"This is not a pet problem, this is a girlfriend problem. NOR." - DoopADoo2
"Nahhhh, she did not train those animals at ALL, especially when they attack people, and she just laughs because she thinks it's funny??"
"NOR, people really let their dogs s**t everywhere." - Flimsy_Car_1689
"That’s definitely disgusting! And have always had a menagerie!"
"NTA, I'd want them out, too. Your girlfriend has no excuse for letting them destroy your house. And p**s smell neverrrrrr wants to come out!" - Top_Marzipan_7466
"She's also not a good pet owner. Anyone who knows anything about kitties would know not to bring them to someone else's home, especially when the house already belongs to another cat."
"I learned the hard way you cannot have cats visit or do a playdate. She's lucky the cats weren't fighting. Her kitty p**sing in his room was trying to mark his territory. Plus he's in a strange place and most likely stressed or scared."
"And then there's the dogs she brought into his cat's house. All those animals are scared and stressed." - LadyBug_0570
"It's not about training. It's about age and stress. She brought these older animals into someone else's territory and did not properly acclimate them."
"If they are capable of holding their excrement, they are doing it on purpose and it is 100% her fault for moving them without regard for anyone else's needs." - EmploymentNo3590
Others didn't think that the girlfriend loved the OP if she was okay with her pets ruining the OP's home like that.
"NOR. I think it's SHE who doesn't love YOU if she lets her animals destroy your place like that."
"Also, do you really want to be dating her? I mean, it's obviously going nowhere seeing as she probably comes as a package with her pets." - didijeen
"Letting things get destroyed like that is a major red flag."
"It’s not even about pets at that point; it’s basic respect for someone’s space. At that point you’re dating the animals too, and they’re clearly running the relationship." - MarshhBerryii
"I remember as a delivery driver (years ago) taking a pizza to a house and as soon as I got close, I was like, 'What the f**k is that smell?' Mind you, this was a half-million-dollar home in an upscale neighborhood."
"I could casually see through the window that the living room was absolutely covered in dog s**t. I don't understand how people live like this."
"Run OP, run." - Kamel-Red
"This is very much like a person hoarding animals. And I have two dogs and two cats, and I am constantly shocked at people I know who don't train their pets, don't actively take care of their pets, and simply shrug bad behavior off."
"I swear to god, laughing about poo and pee in my house? Goodbye permanently. NOR." - Candid_Jellyfish_240
"This s**t would actually traumatize me and make all the progress I made obsolete and kick my fear back worse than ever."
"I've been severely afraid of dogs as long as I could think (nothing ever happened). Ever since I've been with my girlfriend (a couple months), I've been more or less forced to spend time with her best friend too, who has a dog."
"It took a while to get comfortable with the little brat, but I now love him too and am not afraid of him at all, which has helped me soothe my general fear as well." - 68ideal
Some didn't think the relationship could work, since the OP and his girlfriend were obviously incompatible.
"OP should be ready to break up with her. He’s not wrong for being upset, but she probably won’t abandon her pets." - Great_Ad7148
"Kick them all out and honestly break up with her. There’s no future there when she laughs at your concerns, and you would clearly not enjoy living with her." - Thin_Blackberry3621
"His girlfriend isn’t compatible with a house. She clearly does not respect even herself if she’s cool with the house being full of animal feces and urine. She is gross and a total AH." - domdomdog
"Barring everything else, pets are a non-negotiable. If they are poorly behaved, or even if you know you will never like them, break up. It's the same as family. Be done." - bored_n_opinionated
"NOR, like not even a little bit!"
"I love dogs, but I could not live like that. I would insist we’d just have to visit each other at our respective homes without pets moving forward because that sounds disgusting and unlivable."
"But also, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I would hope that if my partner and I really loved each other, we'd eventually take the next step and move in together."
"Since the recipe for making this work is staying apart, then it can't be forever... so unless you're just in it for a good time, I'd break it off and not waste your time." - AnalystDear3206
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
"Thanks for your replies, guys! I appreciate y'all keeping it real!"
"After posting this, I went downstairs and couldn’t find her… I went up to look for her, and she was in the room I set up for them in the bed, sleeping with them."
"Lo and behold, another turd and destroyed pee pads…"
"I’m done. I told her they’re leaving to go home this weekend."
A few days went by, and the relationship was clearly over for the OP.
"After a few days of silent treatment, she tried to use sex to try to get me to let them stay."
"When I laughed and told her that s**t isn’t gonna work, then the yelling started."
"I gave her until the weekend, but this morning, I told them to get out and find their own way home since she wants to act like a madman."
Soon after, the OP shared a final update.
"They’re all gone. She apologized and said she’ll try to do better."
"She also mentioned that she should’ve listened to what I was saying instead of brushing it off."
"She’s aware that they’re not welcome and asked if she can try to make things how they were."
"I told her I’m not sure that’s possible, but we're dating for now."
Some people love pets and some people do not, and that's generally enough of a deal breaker, since one person will be unhappy no matter their pet arrangements at home.
But a total lack of cleanliness, training, and boundaries is a whole other situation, and most people wouldn't even give the relationship a second chance, even living in separate homes.
