As much as we might not like to admit it, and as un-fun as it might be to think about, some relationships are not built to last.
But that won’t stop some people from doing every single thing they can to try to make it work before giving up, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor dogmom_843 loved her dog while her boyfriend hated dogs, so much that the pair found that they were unable to live together.
So when she committed to visiting her boyfriend, buying groceries and cooking for them in both of their houses, and respecting her boyfriend’s rules regarding her dog in his house, the Original Poster (OP) only realized that the relationship wasn’t working when her boyfriend refused to respect her rules in her own house.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my boyfriend, ‘My house, my rules’?”
The OP moved out when her boyfriend didn’t get along with her dog.
“I (37 Female) and my boyfriend (30 Male) have been together for one and a half years.”
“We were living together until I moved out due to issues he had with my dog. He said she barked in the house, she shed too much, she tried to get on the furniture, etc.”
“Since he owned his house, I followed his rules, which included not allowing my dog on the furniture or in the bedrooms.”
“I wasn’t happy with this since she’s always slept with me, but because he didn’t care for dogs, I did the best I could to follow his rules.”
The OP created her own rules for her own home.
“I ended up moving out just a few months after moving into his house to see if it would help the relationship and cut down on the drama with my dog.”
“Just for clarification purposes, she’s a 90-pound German Shepherd and is roughly eight years old. She’s typically pretty quiet and has never gotten into anything or been destructive.”
“Now that I have my own place, she has been allowed free range of my house again and is happier than ever.”
“The problem is that my boyfriend still doesn’t like my dog and told me that she wasn’t allowed on MY couch or MY bed if I ever wanted him to come over.”
The OP’s boyfriend did not respect the rules of her home.
“An argument ensued due to me ‘being disrespectful and not caring about what he needs to feel comfortable.'”
“I laughed and told him I followed the rules in his house, but now that he’s in my home, I make the rules.”
“He doesn’t contribute anything financially to my bills or household, so I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong. I’m also still buying groceries for both homes and do all the cooking at both.”
“Of course, I want him to be comfortable in my home, and I’ve told him I’d compromise by putting blankets down so hair doesn’t get on the bed or couch and take them off when he comes over, but that wasn’t good enough for him.”
“We argued more, and he left, saying that he wouldn’t come over anymore if I still let my dog on the furniture.”
“I shrugged and didn’t say anything.”
“Was I wrong for basically saying, ‘My house, my rules’? Am I prioritizing my dog over my relationship too much?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some cringed, called the OP NTA, and said this was not a relationship they’d want to be in.
“GIRL, QUIT BUYING HIS GROCERIES AND COOKING HIS MEALS! He’s a whole grown-a** man and needs to act like it. He wants to be Big Daddy but still wants you to baby him.”
“NTA. You followed the rules at his house, and when that didn’t work, you tried to accommodate him at your home, and that wasn’t good enough for him.”
“You were 100% correct; your house, your rules. Why are you still together?”
“This is not worth the hassle, and one and a half years is not too bad for the sunken cost.”
“Dogs are like children and shouldn’t be abandoned to make your man happy. The right man will love your fur baby like you do. Time to move on.” – Nola_Germajun
“NTA. At the end of the day, you guys are just not compatible. You’re a dog person and he dislikes dogs. As long as you have one, he’s always going to find a problem.”
“And you said, ‘I’m also still buying groceries for both homes and do all the cooking at both.'”
“WHY ARE YOU BUYING HIS GROCERIES???” – Legitimate_Soup_1948
“Sooooo, why are you purchasing all the food and cooking at both places? Are you his gf or his maid/personal shopper? This is mind-boggling.”
“Why are you letting him dictate what you do in your own place? Your dog predates the boyfriend. Seniority counts.”
“Also, if you have to live separately to get along, you’ve got more problems than disagreements about a dog. The moment you had to move out ‘because of your dog,’ I would have ended the relationship because of the lack of compatibility. I don’t want to be with someone that I quite literally can’t ever plan on living with.” – Striking-Estate-4800
“He’s 30 years old and doesn’t know how to cook, or just won’t, and yet he has the audacity to tell you what you can and can’t do at your own house? He sounds like a man-child. NTA.” – karcei
“NTA. You respected his rules in his house, and it’s completely fair to expect the same in yours.”
“I mean, your dog is part of your life, and if he can’t compromise even a little, that’s on him. It sounds like you’re prioritizing mutual respect, not just your dog.” – chaosfaction2016
“Unless this is the last dog you are going to have, this problem is not going to go away with your boyfriend. You offered a reasonable compromise, and he shut it down. Your dog sounds like better company.” – Ok-Finger-733
“A fish may love a bird, but where will they build a home together?”
“A dog person and a non-dog person just don’t work long term. Stop buying him food and cut the cord.” – DottedUnicorn
Others agreed and urged the OP to value herself and find someone who loves dogs.
“You’re being an AH to yourself and your dog for even trying to make this relationship work.”
“News flash, he doesn’t like dogs, and your dog is only eight, so she’s got years left.”
“Break it off and find yourself a dog lover.” – Freeverse711
“Girl, why are you even together? Not only are you two completely incompatible, but not liking dogs should be a huge red flag for you as a dog owner. You literally have to live in a different house because he hates your dog that much, and you still want to be with him?” – Airiken
“It’s not about prioritizing your dog over your relationship, it’s about standing up for your autonomy and ensuring your dog, a loyal and loving companion, remains happy in her home.”
“A partner who truly cares about you should respect the bond you have with your dog and your right to make decisions in your own house.” – softlavenderwhisperrr
“NTA. The dog lives there and came before him. The lesson here is, don’t date people that don’t like animals.” – Ok-Analyst-5801
“I must ask, what happens when the time comes to put your beloved dog down? Will you wait a while and want another dog later, or will you be happy with not having a dog again? Because I think most dog people would want another dog eventually…”
“Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t like or want a dog, and it seems like the only way he will be happy is for you to not have a dog. So it seems to me you need to decide if that is tolerable or not for you in the future.”
“NTA.” – Oddly-Appeased
“Definitely NTA. You’re a fully grown-a** woman, so it’s your house, your rules. Why should it be a one-way street when it comes to what HE wants?”
“The entitlement is strong in that one, and he sounds pretty immature. You did your part by moving out because of his b***hing, so what else does he want? You offered a compromise, and that still wasn’t good enough.”
“He’s not getting his way and being a little baby about it. Lame. I’d enjoy my peace, my cooking, my groceries, and my lovely dog without a side of barely-boyfriend if I were you.” – QuietDepartment8488
“OP, this is the kind of guy that will put your dog out the front door or take him and drop him off out in a rural area one day when you are at work or shopping and say the dog ‘got out.'”
“Lose this guy and find yourself someone that loves your dog, too!” – carastx
“I read this post out to my boyfriend. My boyfriend moved in with me three months ago, and I have a German Shepherd and a rough collie, so as you can imagine, hair gets EVERYWHERE.”
“My dogs are allowed on the bed and sofa, and I often come to bed to find my collie and boyfriend snuggled up together, they’re absolute bros.”
“Anyway, my boyfriend said to f**k this guy off and find a guy who loves dogs!” – discombobulatededed
“Whether you realize it or not, your (then) boyfriend put you in a position of, ‘Choose one: Me or the dog,’ and you chose the dog.”
“Now that you moved out and had to invoke, ‘My house, my rules’? He’s an ex, so you’re not obligated to be his cook and grocery provider.” – CoppertopTX
The subreddit was shocked by the number of hoops and hurdles the OP had been willing to go through just to make her relationship “work,” even though it sounded to the subreddit like she was more of a maid than a girlfriend and that he was more of a demanding neighbor or employer than a boyfriend.
It was clear that this was not working, and as long as the OP already had her own place, her own rules, and an ability to buy and cook her own groceries, the best thing to do was to show herself and her dog a little respect and be single for a little while, and then find someone who also loved dogs.