Losing a pet is one of life's worst experiences.
Dogs and cats are like family to many.
And grieving them can be a difficult experience.
However, not everyone feels this strongly about a fur baby farewell.
Redditor Past-Sky-4987 found themself in a personal dilemma regarding the way they are choosing to honor their deceased cat, so they turned to the"Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for giving my cat a tiny folded American flag to "thank him for his service?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So, I'm currently pretty devastated and having a hard time, as we lost my baby boy, Major Tom, a few weeks ago."
"He'd been battling with cancer, and we thought we'd gotten through the worst of it, when he passed in his sleep."
"I was the one who found him."
"Major Tom was objectively the best boy ever."
"He was sweet, loving, and was very good about sticking with someone when they were upset or sick."
"My entire family absolutely adored Major Tom, and things have been pretty gloomy."
"We got him cremated, since I wanted to keep him with me."
"I had the silly thought of putting a little folded American flag next to Tom's urn, since he was a Major after all."
"The thought cheered me up, and mostly everyone in my family thought it was a fun and sweet idea, and it got everyone to laugh and smile."
"My dad, however, hates it."
"He says that it's disrespectful and that I'm belittling actual veterans, and making a mockery of people who serve in the military."
"He says he won't even walk by the cabinet with my cat's urn until I remove the flag."
"I do feel like it's worth mentioning that my grandfather, who is a veteran, finds the flag both fitting and hilarious."
"I'm obviously willing to remove the flag from the case if it is disrespectful, but I just thought it would be a funny and affectionate way to celebrate what my cat meant to all of us, and cheer us up a bit."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"I agree with your grandpa. NTA."
"I'm so sorry for your loss. It's clear Major Tom brought you a lot of happiness in life, and I'm glad you found a way to keep finding joy in honor of his memory." ~ HopefulTangerine5913
"Veteran here. Give Major. Tom his damn flag and his 21-gun salute, too."
"As the goodest boy, he earned it."
"RIP Major Tom. 🫡." ~ fitfittedfatfone
"NTA - Veteran here, he earned that flag by his service as a good kitty and friend." ~ EmilyLondon
"NTA. All my veteran friends agree with your grandfather."
"I sent a couple of texts."
"I wasn't offended, and from what I can tell, no one I know cares at all."
"Goodest bois can't steal valor; they go through the trenches of life faithfully and fearlessly by our sides."
"Our little battle buddies in life."
"If it brings you comfort, a smile, you go for it."
"You aren't doing anything wrong."
"It's like saying if you put a Bowie album behind it, you're offending the memory of David Bowie."
"If you put a little space helmet on him with the NASA logo next to it, you're hurting everyone at NASA and the real spacemen!
It's harmless."
"Grief is f**king awful."
"Do what you need to do to help."
"I'm really sorry for your loss."
"Your dad is being remarkably dramatic." ~ YoshiandAims
"Let me guess, your dad never served?"
"If I am correct, let him know that UNTIL HE LACES UP THOSE BOOTS, HE DOESN'T F**KING SPEAK FOR US."
"But anyway, this vet thinks it's a funny,"
"loving way to remember him by."
"Farewell, Major Tom 🫡." ~ AdMurky1021
"Multi-branch veteran here."
"I see the flag as a symbol of our country and all who live in it, not just a subset of the population (veterans)."
"If you feel that strongly about your cat, then by all means, Major Tom should have his flag."
"I don't know your father, but I will not judge him, as I do not know what he has been through."
"If he can talk about it, you might have a conversation about what he feels and why he objects to it." ~ OH58KiowaScout
"Didn't serve, but every vet I know would 100% greenlight this."
"Animals of all kinds have a strong historical connection with American armed forces, both by design and by accident."
"Sometimes they're there to serve the necessities of battle like cavalry and supplies transport."
"Othertimes, animals both wild and domestic just get adopted by troops in the field."
"When I tell you those folks are going to go hard in the paint for the one cute fuzzy thing that makes hell ok for like 30 seconds, I'm not kiddin."
"Their raccoon mascot is probably second only to Doc in the do not mess with unless you have a death wish 'priority list."
'Some get jobs and pay and an official rank."
"Your dad is parroting some conservative BS he picked up along the way and is wildly misinterpreting what stolen valor means."
"You aren't doing this for any reason you might benefit from that isn't deeply personal."
"You aren't doing it for money or clout or internet points or claiming that it's anything other than exactly what it is."
"Hope he gets over it and you can grieve." ~ Ok-Style-1606
"NTA. Your cat, your rules."
"If it makes your heart feel better, then go for it." ~ Antique_Interview347
"Everyone has agreed NTA, but I just want to point out what kind of narcissistic ultimatum is 'take that flag down, or I won't even walk by the cabinet!'"
"Ok? Don't walk by the cabinet then, that doesn't affect anyone else."
"Does your dad often choose to inconvenience himself and act like everyone else should change their ways to stop his self-imposed suffering?"
"He sounds like a toddler threatening to hold their breath, like, go for it, little dude, you're only causing yourself to be uncomfortable, and if you even manage it, you'll just pass out and start breathing again." ~ ThatKaren*itch
"Would it change his mind if he knew that the flag folding is also performed at cop and firefighter funerals, too?"
"My dad's casket was draped with a flag, which was folded and given to my mom."
"He also received a 3-volley salute."
"The flag represents appreciation for a life of service for anyone who receives it."
"I think that's pretty appropriate for your Major boy ♥️ NTA." ~ freethewimple
"Partner of an Australian Army veteran here."
"Showed him the story, and he thought it was lovely and very appropriate to give Major Tom a folded flag."
"Your dad is being an AH and needs to chill out. NTA." ~ Dragon_Queen_666
"Yeah, NTA."
"I'm a veteran, and I've also been to enough funerals and seen the flag handed to many a widowed spouse and parent."
"It's done as a comfort."
"Another method of comfort? Gallows/dark humor!"
"Trust me when I say that's just up our alley."
"As the guardian of many a feline companion, I also get the need for finding ways to remember or honor your furry friends."
"Your dad has a stick up his a** that, frankly, I'm surprised your veteran grandfather hasn't knocked and/or yanked out at this point." ~ NuclearLeatherTiger
"Your father doesn’t know the battles Major Tom fought to keep you safe."
"How, without him staring down the squirrels they may have invaded, or the battle of the Spider in The Shower, he fought to keep your sanity intact."
"The Major kept his missions secret, and that doesn’t take away from his service." ~ Tiger_Striped_Queen
"I snuck the ashes of our beloved dog in with my husband's ashes when he was buried in a VA cemetery."
"The person in the office was livid when they found out I wanted to do it, claimed it was a 'federal crime,' but the funeral director (who only does veteran funerals) helped me."
"My husband kept those ashes close by him for 20 years."
"No way he was going without Hobo."
"Obviously, I applaud Major Tom and his tiny flag." ~ LisaLynn61
"NTA. Keep Major Tom’s flag where it is and tell your dad so he knows not to walk by."
"I’m sorry your dad can’t understand that you are grieving, and this is something that you are doing not only for you, but for Major Tom."
"Love your grandpa."
"Thank him for his service."
"I’m so sorry for your loss." ~ misscrankypants
"NTA, I've never served myself, but I have many family members who have, and I can't think of a single one who would have an issue with the flag next to your cat."
"If your father is so adamant about people not disrespecting the flag and veterans, there are a myriad of issues that he can get involved in to help out." ~ Acadia_Clean
"My dad was a career military and would have found giving Major Tom a tiny flag hilarious."
"Let your dad stay mad and weird."
"You've done nothing wrong." ~ RandomNameRandomly
"Thank you for your service, Major Tom🫡." ~ Acrobatic-Bid-3559
Reddit is with you, OP.
Major Tom was your baby.
If your dad has a problem, that's not your concern.
You stick to what heals you.
Sorry for your loss.
