Accommodating every person on a party guest list can be an excruciating task.
There are always details that will keep an imbalance.
So as the host, how far must one bend to everybody?
Sometimes, there are only so many options.
Redditor Innumerablegibbon wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"WIBTA for not changing a birthday party venue that doesn’t allow service dogs for a last minute guest with one?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So I booked my daughter’s birthday party at a local wildlife park/zoo a few months ago."
"We’ve just got word from my partner’s parents that his aunt, who has a service dog, will be visiting with them for it."
"The aunt hasn’t visited in years."
"The park has free-roaming animals and does not allow service dogs on site; they offer space for service dogs to go in and can offer a trained human assistant/guide for the aunt for the day (I’m honestly unclear on the specifics of her disability and if this is an acceptable/feasible solution)."
"My partner’s parents don’t think this will work and think it’s rude to ask the aunt to do this; they want us to reorganize the party somewhere the aunt can attend."
"I don’t want to, but I’m happy to throw a second, smaller party for her and suggested they could take her out to other touristy things during the main party."
"My partner feels guilty because he is fond of his aunt; our kid doesn’t even remember who she is, so doesn’t care if she can come or not, and his parents think I’m being an a**hole for not being willing to change venues (we’d lose a deposit and have already sent out invitations and gotten some RSVPs at this point)."
"To complicate things, we also have no means of contacting the aunt ourselves (she changes numbers regularly because she can’t help but give it out frequently and gets lots of scammers calling her)."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA- it's actually wild that anyone expects a child's party to be moved for an adult the child doesn't even know."
"Your I[n]-L[aw]s are unrealistic, and your husband needs to set boundaries."
"This is just wild." ~ AllTheNopeYouNeed
"It's so easy for them to decide when they will not be the ones losing the deposit or apologizing to the guests for the hassle."
"OP, NTA."
"You even tried to make a compromise with an assurance of throwing a small party for the aunt."
"Not your fault when others are just set on being stubborn." ~ IceSeeker
"Wait. Am I understanding this - an aunt, who the child does not know and who was not invited, has a service dog?"
"In-laws are assuming (as they haven't asked) the accommodations won't work for the unknown/uninvited aunt and therefore, a child, whose birthday it is, must change their plans after telling the invited guests and making you lose money?"
"And you've offered a separate event just for them?"
"I've read entitled posts, but wowza! "
"Absolutely NTA, tell hubby to grow a spine and tell them no." ~ Fabulous_Cow_4550
"I’m incredibly close to my family, but I would never ever even think about asking my sister to change my niece or nephew’s birthday party because of me."
"Like what? NTA." ~ antcutter
"NTA, it's on them to gracefully decline if the service dog concessions the venue offers don't work for them." ~ SorryAd5955
"When my sister was going through cancer treatments and had to use a walker or wheelchair, she declined her own grandchildren's birthday parties because of the location/facilities, etc would not work for her."
"She never asked or demanded they move the parties; she just said she would come to their home on another day and spend time with the grandchildren."
"Everyone was fine with it." ~ Several-Finish-3216
"NTA - it’s not reasonable to ask you to rearrange a whole birthday party to ensure that a last-minute guest (who seems to have invited herself/been invited by your partner’s parents) can come."
"Could you suggest lunch/dinner or similar at a more suitable location with the aunt on a different day instead?" ~ AceOfGargoyes17
"Exactly, the adults need to suck it up and realize that they can’t go to the little kid’s birthday party because they’ve agreed to host the disabled aunt at the same time."
"It’s not the end of the world if the grandparents miss it."
"There will be photos and videos."
"And a smaller family party with a cake and candle blowing and balloons is just fine at whatever age this kid is." ~ Elsie1105
"NTA - seems anyone only cares about the aunt here."
"Your kid doesn’t even know her."
"I’m sure you’ll be spending other time with her while she is visiting."
"You ought to say it’s a friend's party, not a family party - and do what you offered and throw a family party separately." ~ mugglemomma31
"It seems like a smaller family party would be a much better place for the aunt to spend time with everyone instead of everyone being distracted by a bunch of excited kids they don’t know (and free-roaming wild animals)." ~ asuddenpie
"NTA. While he may be fond of his aunt, his kid's feelings should come first, as I'm sure they are excited to be at that venue."
"If the aunt really wants to attend, then she can get a human assistant, or she can stay home."
"Your 'in-laws' shouldn't be making decisions for the aunt or you, as it's not their event."
"Continue as planned and stop worrying about any of them; you have your plate full with coordinating this event for your daughter."
"The party is not for them; it's for your daughter." ~ anaisaknits
"NTA - One distant relative visiting that your kid doesn’t even remember isn’t a valid reason to change an event like this last minute."
"Your husband needs to be setting his parents straight." ~ StrengthKey5912
"NTA. It’s bonkers to think it’s reasonable to change an already planned child’s birthday party for what sounds like (at best) a second-hand guest." ~ Prudent_Cookie_114
"NTA. It's okay to be firm 'This is what Daughter wanted for her birthday; everything has already been planned, a deposit has been paid, invites have been sent, RSVPs have been received. We're not cancelling.'"
"Also, it might be a cultural thing, but for me, friends and family parties are two different things."
"No offense, but none of the kids present, Daughter included, will care much about the great-aunt, unless she is super cool and knows plenty of animal facts."
"If she wants to truly spend time with your daughter, it would be better if it were when your daughter is not busy running around the zoo with her friends." ~ maaarken
"NTA. You planned this months ago for a kid who doesn’t even know this aunt; it’s not reasonable to blow up the whole party (and lose money) for a surprise adult guest."
"The zoo’s offering an alternative, and if that doesn’t work, they can gracefully skip, and you can do a separate low-key visit/celebration with her." ~ Plane-Bandicoot-8359
"NTA. The partner's parents, however: total AHs."
"The aunt CAN attend, according to what you've written."
"So she can come if she wants or not come."
"Don't change a thing." ~ WestCovina1234
"Depending on her disability, she might need her dog rather than a random human."
"But if you’re an out-of-town relative visiting randomly, you don’t expect the venue of a birthday party to be changed to accommodate you."
"If you have allergies and can’t visit the peanut butter factory: you stay away, not demand everyone else not go." ~ allyearswift
"NTA - as someone with a service dog... I know there are places that I can't go, and places I wouldn't want to subject my dog to."
"I also love my niece and nephew enough to let them enjoy their birthday parties even if I can't attend them."
"Your In-laws and the aunt can have a little party together either the day before or after."
"Children should take priority on their birthdays." ~ Visual-Lobster6625
"NTA. It’s unreasonable to rearrange a party which was booked months ago for someone who wasn’t invited."
"She’s, of course, welcome, and she can determine if the accommodation provided by the park is adequate for her."
"Your suggestion of A smaller, family party is very reasonable and honestly sounds like a better way to spend quality time with the aunt." ~ Morning-Technical
"The human assistant may not be of use if the service animal detects low blood sugar or epilepsy or another invisible disability."
"That said, she wasn't invited."
"Whichever grandparent is her sibling could stay with her if she needs company, and the other grandparent can come to the zoo."
"Or they come to the alternative get together your proposed."
"Do not cancel the party, though."
"That is some massive entitlement. NTA." ~ TheSecretIsMarmite
"NTA. The party is about your kid, not the aunt."
"If your child has already been told about the location, then they will be disappointed to not go."
"If a suitable adult guide can’t work, then catch up with the aunt another time or later the same day." ~ Kbradsagain
"NTA. Your IL’s don’t want to go, and are cooking excuses."
"You met them on the first one (kudos to the Zoo for their accessibility by the way)."
"You met them again on the second one."
"Now they’re scrambling." ~ Obrix1
"Your partner's parents would rather a child be disappointed for their birthday than have his aunt be upset about not being able to attend?"
"NTA at all, but your partner's parents sure are."
"The aunt is an adult, and if she has a service animal, then this isn’t the first time she’s dealt with a place she can’t take it." ~ ZookeepergameOld8988
Reddit is with you, OP.
You can't lose the deposit and redo all the invites.
There are solutions available for the Aunt.
It's your kid's day.
