Woman Fed Up With Arachnophobic Roommate Who Can't Even Hear The Word 'Spider' Without Melting Down

Spiders are not popular with most people.

It's one of the most common fears there is.

Movies have been made about it.

So how does everyone cope?

Spoiler alert: some not that well!

Redditor hopie_bopie found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her roommate's issues with the aracnid, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

She asked:

"AITAH for not believing my roommate’s 'phobia?'"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"Okay, disclaimer up front."

"I understand the seriousness of phobias."

"I myself have been in therapy for an irrational fear of vomiting that used to be debilitating, but this is just insane."

"So I (21 F[emale] have two roommates."

"My one roommate (20 F) is scared of spiders."

"She claims that she has arachnophobia, and I’m not a fan of spiders myself."

"But it’s the way she goes about it that’s kind of insane."

"The other day, I was talking about how my B[oy]F[riend], and I got sushi, and I mentioned a spider roll."

"She actually screamed and said I could only use the word 'arachnid,' not 'spider,' around her."

"Another time, someone said spider, and she immediately covered her ears and started whimpering."

"My other roommate has much more patience for this than I do, and one day, when we were coming home, there was a spider underneath our open stairs."

"Mind you, we live in an apartment complex with lots of trees and plants around, and this is not our first encounter with spiders on the stairs."

"But this time, she screams and refuses to walk up the stairs."

"My other roommate blocks off the spider so she can walk up, but she still won’t do it."

"My other roommate then goes and gets the Lysol to kill the spider."

"I literally watch the spider shrivel up and fall off the stairs, and she still won’t go up."

"After about 15 minutes of trying to convince her it’s okay, my other roommate has to head out, and I just go up the stairs because I had to submit some work stuff before the end of the day."

"She ends up standing at the end of the stairs for an hour before going up, and then eventually comes into the apartment and starts berating me about how she needs me to support her and her phobia, and I was being unsupportive."

"I understand phobias are real and create significant mental blocks for people. "

"But after her screaming at the mention of the word spider, I’m starting to think she’s just afraid of spiders and maybe overreacting."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITAH or is arachnophobia really that serious???"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.

"Okay, I was fully prepared to call you an a**hole - there's a huge difference between being scared of something and having a full-on phobia - but screaming because a spider is in the name of something?"

"But being okay with a different name for 'spider?'"

"BS NTA." ~ Broken-Ice-Cube

"NTA. I know a few people with arachnophobia."

"One gets a physical vomit reaction when they see them, but can talk about them fine."

"One got bit by one (it was in a costume she put on and was harmless), she had a panic attack but used her coping/breathing techniques to pull herself together, and she went right on stage."

"Screaming and demanding people be a support for an hour after it’s dead and gone is ridiculous attention-seeking behavior."

"She needs to take accountability for her phobia and stop putting the onus on everyone else to calm her down."

"Mental health issues can be a reason for behavior, but not an excuse." ~ Gryffindorphins

"OP, you did well not staying with her for the hour."

"Even if it was a true phobic reaction (which it might have been, although it seems excessive), it's important to create an environment of 'I understand, we took steps to remedy the situation, but now it's done, and we need to move forward.'"

"Staying with her for an hour would not have been supportive (although it might have felt that way in the moment); it would have reinforced her internal narrative."

"In other words, it would have unconsciously told her, 'your phobic response is the correct one.'"

"She really needs to see a therapist who specializes in phobias."

"Spiders are everywhere." ~ Cloverose2

"I have arachnophobia myself, and I still think you're NTA."

"I had two very specific instances that caused this trauma, and it can be debilitating sometimes for sure, but her behavior is a little much."

"I don't like watching things with spiders in them (nature documentaries, even the Spiderman movies sometimes make me get willies, and don't get me started on why the can of bug spray has a giant spider all over the can and they expect me to put my hand on that??)."

"But seriously, sushi??"

"I'm not picturing an actual spider when you describe a spider roll."

"My most recent encounter with a big spider was in the Caribbean, a giant orange one that was in my brother's wetsuit."

" Went to take it off the railing after it had been drying overnight, and this giant orange thing that didn't even have the decency to have hair, it had finger-like legs."

"Like WTF???"

"The thing was the size of a damn teacup saucer and instantly sped across the room and went into a corner on the ceiling and curled up."

"My sister-in-law, just seeing its curled up form, is acting like I'm ridiculous, pulls out the can of spray, and gets it."

"The way that spider F**KING OPENED UP AND FLEW at her, sent her screaming and running away once she realized how massive it was."

"That brave woman went back two more times to nearly empty that can of spray before it finally fell behind a desk, then none of us were brave enough to move it and see if it finally died for hours."

"When we finally did, it was f**king LIMP."

"Not curled up like they usually do."

"I don't know why that image creeps me out even more."

"I would not go near that trash can."

"It had to be removed completely from the house."

"I have no idea what kind of spider it was, and I do NOT want to go through images of them to identify it."

"Tiny ones, I can manage."

"I was quite proud of myself for throwing a shoe at a tiny one and killing it the other day."

"But I also have the pest control people coming tomorrow because one tiny one in the open means more of them I can't see, and we can't have that."

"Hopefully, this gives some insight into the mind of an arachnophobic person who is working on managing the phobia." ~ oO0Kat0Oo•

"I have an (irrational) phobia of a particular living creature."

"I have only ever seen them in real life on the other side of glass, and even that is enough to make me dizzy and feel like throwing up or fainting - I have no reason to be so afraid of them. I can't watch videos or look at photos of them."

"Even the word for them makes me feel vaguely nauseated."

"But I can still tell you that I have a problem with 'aquatic vampire slugs'" because I can detach that phrase in my head from 'what it is' effectively."

"Now, that said, if someone said the actual word that they're called (and there isn't one present), it just makes me feel sick, not scream, so the *reaction* is still excessive!" ~ bluething_herptiles

"I had a friend who had arachnophobia, and she couldn’t watch the Harry Potter movies because of it."

"She wouldn’t scream, but she would look physically uncomfortable if someone mentioned a spider or talked about them around her."

"Come Halloween and decorations going up, and she would hate all the fake spiders and webs, but she was an adult at work, so she never screamed or threw a fit; she would just avoid areas that were decorated with spider things."

"As a team, we didn’t use them just out of consideration, but she never demanded it."

"To me, it sounds like OP's roommate has arachnophobia, but combined with the immaturity of being only 20."

"She needs to understand that she has to manage her phobia, and it isn’t up to everyone else to cater to her for it." ~ JennyferSuper

"That's arachnophobia for you."

"I am going to therapy because of it, and I would react pretty much like her, but without the screaming."

"I neither would get angry at you for not changing your routine to help me, but I would be really thankful for all the help."

"To give an example, my first day of therapy, the psychologist wanted to know how severe my case was, and I asked him to just stop speaking about spiders while moving his fingers cause that was making me freak out." ~ No-Being4681

OP came back to chat...

"Okay, thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences with arachnophobia!"

"I’m starting to understand her reactions more, but I’m still not sure that I’m at fault for staying at the stairs with her."

"Thank you for helping me understand!"

Reddit is with you, OP.

This is your roommate's issue.

Her problem is unfortunate, but still... not yours.