Weddings can come with a hefty price tag.
Even a do-it-yourself wedding can cost some pretty pennies.
But destination weddings?
They can break the bank.
Not everybody can travel the world for love.
Redditor Local_Interview4667 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for reconsidering being my best friend’s maid of honor because of the cost of her destination wedding??"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My best friend is getting married in the Dominican Republic, and she asked me to be her M[aid] O[f] H[ono]r."
"When she first brought up the idea of a destination wedding, she estimated it would cost around $1800-2000 per person for a week, which felt manageable, so I was supportive and excited for her."
"Now that she’s officially booked the resort and group rates came out, it’s significantly more expensive than originally discussed."
"She chose a very high-end luxury resort, and my room alone works out to almost $500/night after the group 'discount.'”
"She also wants the bridal party there for 10 days."
"Even using airline points, my flights and baggage fees would still cost me around $800."
"Once I factor in the resort, flights, bridesmaid expenses, meals, transportation, etc., I’m realistically looking at spending over $5000 just for myself, too expensive to even consider bringing my husband as well."
"The thing is, I technically can afford it."
"I have a stable job, and I’m not struggling financially."
"But my husband and I also just bought a house and are currently doing renovations, and we’ve been planning a Europe trip together for 2027 that would be our first major trip as a married couple."
"Paying for this wedding would mean either seriously stretching ourselves financially and/or delaying our own plans."
"I love my friend and genuinely want her to have the wedding of her dreams, so I feel guilty even having these thoughts."
"At the same time, I can’t help feeling blindsided because the cost ended up being so much higher than what was initially discussed."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
She also wants the bridal party there for 10 days.
"And that's enough. NTA."
"Of course, you can back out."
"Screw the costs, the time sunk is immensely excusable."
"10 days would be the entirety of some people's P[ersonal] T[ime] O[ff]."
"If you have a kid, 10 days might as well be a month."
"If you have a pet, 10 days is what 500 min boarding?"
"She asked for too much."
"You can non-a**holishly decline." ~ pottersquash
"She’s probably requiring that because she has to hit a certain number of rooms/days with the resort to either get something free or deeply discounted."
"My ex mother-in-law was a travel agent who did destination weddings to Cancun, and this was always a big thing with her clients." ~ dqt91
"10 days at 500 a night!?"
"I’m sorry, that is SO incredibly selfish to ask of other people." ~ yellohello1001
"It really is!"
"I can technically afford something like this, but I wouldn’t want to."
"10 days is a lot to expect in terms of money, and then some of that is the PTO."
"Not to mention you don’t get to pick the location."
"I think people get excited planning their wedding and forget it’s a special day for them, but not as much for other people."
"Of course, everyone wants to be supportive and go if they can, but there are still limitations." ~ Active_Win_3656
"NTA, if you’re really that close, you should be able to say, 'When we initially discussed this, you gave me a range so I budgeted $2500 per person. What happened?'”
"Chances are you aren’t the only one who is feeling blindsided by this, and honestly, as maid of honor, sometimes you have to be the voice of reason even if it sucks."
"At that cost, they are either going to have almost no one show up, or they will have to subsidize people."
"Stick to the phrase 'that’s out of my budget' versus 'I can’t afford it' because you CAN afford it, but who on Earth would want to spend that much on attending someone else’s wedding???" ~ spacedinosaur1313131
"Let's be honest... even for people who have the money, this is INSANE!!!"
"Why would I want to spend 5k and 10 days celebrating someone ELSE'S WEDDING??!?!?!"
"I wouldn't spend 10 days on my own wedding, let alone a friend's."
"I'm starting to believe that weddings should be something the bride(s)/groom(s) and their families pay for, period."
"NTA, by a planet's distance." ~ died_blond
"NTA - I don't know if it is because I've only been a groom, it's my age, tax bracket, or some other demographic I am in, but the idea of people being in my wedding party costing them anything more than a tux rental is absolutely beyond me."
"That even 2k is 'reasonable', to say nothing of requiring them to burn 2 weeks of PTO and require a passport."
"I think I would have laughed at any friend of mine who suggested this." ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
"Perhaps it’s uncharitable, but I wonder what the 10-day request is about."
"Does she need a minimum guest spend at the resort in order to get the bridal suite for free and/or discounts on the ceremony, etc.?"
"I think you should explain that the cost is much higher than anticipated and try to compromise by offering to fly in for 2-3 nights."
"However, if I’m right, she’ll push back hard. NTA." ~ ApocalypseThen77
"I'm stuck on this, too, yes, the per-night fee is high, and she clearly chose a luxury place, but some of that can be balanced out with fewer days."
"Why 10 days?"
"There is no reason to expect your whole bridal party to basically do your honeymoon with you as well."
"I think the most you can ask is for people to come down a day or two early, and that's it."
"And at a resort with this fee, nothing should be D[o]-I[t]-Y[ourself], so I don't even think that is necessary."
"I don't think OP has to pull out of the whole wedding, just say no to the 10-day thing."
"Bride needs a reality check." ~ Mean-Advisor6652
"NTA. That's too much to ask."
"Signed, someone else who could afford it and has said no for similar reasons." ~ BlondeinShanghai
"It will be more than $5000."
"10 nights X $500 = $5000. Add $800 for flights, then add the other items you mentioned, and you are probably looking at closer to $7000."
"Tell her ASAP that this is more than you can spend."
"And that you don't want to spend that kind of money for a vacation without your husband."
"NTA. Not at all." ~ Quick-Possession-245
"NTA. Tell her the costs have now become out of your budget, send her a wedding gift, and call it a day."
"Destination weddings are ridiculous in my opinion, and she had to expect that some people weren’t going to be able to pay for it." ~ SnailsInYourAnus
"She wants you all there for TEN NIGHTS?"
"Oh no no no."
"The entitlement and main character vibes are in the stratosphere."
"NTA. Just tell her you budgeted for the original cost, but it’s just not possible for you to pay the new total."
"Just tell her you can’t go." ~ off-pissed
"NTA. The price nearly tripled from her initial estimate."
"I’d bring it up to her gently, not just for your sake, but for everyone’s, because I’m sure you’re not the only guest to balk at the high price tag."
"Unless the goal is specifically to keep the guest list down, this type of destination wedding will cause a lot of people she wants there to not be able to attend." ~ PlusSizeRussianModel
"You aren’t getting a ‘group discount.'"
"Wedding packages give the bride and groom a free suite if they have enough people book through their group."
"You’re subsidizing their trip."
"You don’t need to stay at their hotel."
"Just stay at one nearby that you can afford. NTA." ~ Mammoth-Ad6145
"NTA. It is a lot of extra money."
"Do tell her now so she can find a replacement for your role."
"Do not tell her about your 2027 trip."
"It will only upset her more."
"Use the renovation cost as the main source of eating up all your extra income."
"Perhaps you can afford to come just for the wedding to be there for her day, and it can be a nice compromise."
"Good luck." ~ OCEANROMA
"NTA. As someone who ended up going on an expensive bachelorette trip as a bridesmaid, after the initial pricing doubled because the bride sent us prices for the WRONG destination, tell her you can't go now and bow out gracefully."
"The resentment will eat at you if you end up following through."
"With every home renovation you have to pay for, you'll think to yourself, I wish I didn't pay three times what was initially expected for someone else's wedding." ~ liftingyogi
"NTA. Even ignoring money for a moment, asking you to be out of town for 10 days is outrageous."
"Some employers, mine included, are not overly generous with PTO, and this would be a deal breaker for me."
"And for people with kids and pets, this means having to find 10 days of care for them, which will add on to the price."
"Guarantee you're not the only one having an issue here, and you'll likely get support from other members of the bridal party if you say something." ~ PandaEnthusiast89
Reddit will back whatever choice you make, OP.
That is an outrageous amount of money.
And the time commitment is a lot to ask.
10 days?
You do what is best for you and don't feel bad about it.
Good Luck.
