Deciding who is and isn’t getting invited to a wedding can be a major undertaking for couples. One thing most people would agree on is not inviting people the couple getting married dislikes or who dislikes them.
But some people think weddings are opportunities to repair rifts.
A bride-to-be turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Intrepid_Day6113 asked:
"AITAH for not allowing my aunt to come to my wedding after she tried to steal my childhood home?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (27, female) just got engaged to my fiancé (31, male) around Christmas. For context, my family is very small: my mom has one older sister, my Aunt D, and one younger brother, my Uncle P. I never knew my grandparents on my dad's side, so my only grandparents were my mom's parents."
"When going through the guest list for the wedding, I specifically said to my mom I do not want to invite my Aunt D after she tried to steal my childhood home a few years back."
"Here's that story: My Aunt D was always the child that needed the most coddling, according to my grandmother. My grandmother is notorious for making excuses for everything my Aunt D does all because she 'doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She's too fragile'."
"In the 90's, my grandparents and my parents built a home together, all 4 people on the deed. I grew up an only child and was raised by my grandparents while my parents were at work each day, which made us really close."
"In the 2010's my grandfather started showing signs of dementia. He was officially diagnosed before COVID hit and isolation during lockdown made him deteriorate fast."
"In 2022, he could barely remember who any of our family members were, what day/year it was, and what his age was. It got so bad that my grandmother had to get home nursing help for him, until 2024 when we finally admitted him into memory care."
"In 2024, while we were trying to get him on medicaid (so his memory care costs would be paid for), my Uncle P took a look at my grandfather's will. We found out that in 2022, my Aunt D took my grandfather to a lawyer friend and cashed in a favor."
"She had the lawyer rewrite his will so that when he dies, my Aunt D would get his and my grandmother's portions of the deed to my family home and all of the equity along with it. She claims that my grandfather asked her to do this and that she was 'just fulfilling his wishes in his old age'."
"My grandfather was in not in any mental state to make decisions like this at this time as he could barely remember his age and name at that time. My grandmother, my parents, and my Uncle and I had no idea that this had occurred 2 years prior. My grandmother was very unhappy about this, but refused to do anything about it all to save Aunt D's feelings."
"I was heartbroken. I had dreamed about raising my own children in his home. We had no choice but to sell the house while my grandfather was alive so my Aunt D could not profit off the house."
"She tried twice to stop the sale of the house, claiming she was on the deed. Both times were unsuccessful as when the brokers looked at the deed, it didn't have her name on it."
"She got mad at us and said we are 'financially ruining her' by selling the house. We finally sold it in 2024 and gave my grandparents a portion of the sale so they could have a good nest egg to live off of."
"My grandmother ended up using the money to buy her own house after my grandfather died—her first home she's ever owned by herself! Now, my Aunt D is trying to get on my grandmother's will so she can claim her new house when she dies one day."
"All of this leads me to today. I have gone no contact with my Aunt D and do not want to have her at the wedding. Our wedding is destination and I don't feel like being isolated with her for a week."
"She has never admitted to what she did and will not apologize. My grandmother is upset at me for not forgiving her and just moving forward after everything.
"She wants me to invite Aunt D and and use the isolated venue as a way to force us to communicate and work out our problems. I don't think my wedding should be the place to do this, nor do I have any want or need to make amends with her any time soon."
"AITAH?"
The OP later added:
"Couple things I want to clarify:"
"I didn’t want to get into the legal aspect of it all because I wanted more moral advice regarding the wedding. Some things I didn’t mention is that my grandmother and grandfather had a joint will at the time. My grandma signed the signature line without reading it, so this was a surprise as much to her as it was to us."
"My aunt gave her the will and just said 'sign here.' My grandfather was the one in the meeting with the lawyer with my Aunt which, as someone who works in the legal field myself, should’ve gotten this attorney friend disbarred if anything. He was not of any sound mind to make any decisions like this with his will."
"Furthermore, yes, with my grandfather dead it would’ve meant that my Aunt was entitled to 1/4th of the deed at the time. This still seemed like too much to me. She shouldn’t have been entitled to any percentage of my childhood home."
"Yes, we could’ve fought this in court and yes we could’ve done something other than selling the house, but what you all need to know is that by the time we found out about this, my grandfather could no longer chew his food. He was a ticking time bomb and could die at any moment."
"Our fastest and easiest way to ensure my Aunt couldn’t obtain any legal rights to my parents’ house was to just sell it before he died. He died only a few weeks after we closed."
"I didn’t want to get into all of the specifics of this as, again, I was looking for more moral justification regarding the wedding, but I hope that clarifies some things for any of you wondering."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to cut her aunt out of her life (NTA).
"NTA. Bringing family drama to a wedding is recipe for disaster." ~ extravagant_snuggle
"NTA. Your wedding, your guests. Period." ~ Traditional-Pool-554
"Grandma fed into all the aunt's misbehaviors and low morals and now the rest of the family is stuck with a thieving selfish woman who wants everything for herself and nothing for anyone else. She has no compassion or empathy or really, love for her family. NTA." ~ 2dogslife
"Family is amazingly good at destroying your belief in what's right and what you are allowed to not accept. The 'we're family' line isn't just a hook on sitcoms, it's literally a centuries old excuse for bad behavior and guilt tripping." ~ NYC-WhWmn-ov50
"Tell Granny that when she gives you your childhood home back, Auntie can come to the wedding. Fair's fair." ~ DragonInPlainSight
"NTA, ignore your enabling grandmother. Every time she brings it up say 'we’ve already discussed this, she’s not invited and that’s not going to change'. Repeat as necessary and refuse to let it turn into a conversation." ~ MsMourningStar
"NTA. Your wedding isn't the time to sort out family drama." ~ TiredEnglishStudent
"Exactly, the focus should be on the happy occasion. Pick some other time to hash things out, if you want to."
"Don't let someone cajole you into a reconciliation you don't want."
"Your grandmother might have good intentions, but if it doesn't work for you, just say so, and keep your life moving." ~ LightBelowTheSnow
"It’s time to have a hard convo with granny and tell her that you will never have anything to do with someone who is actively lying and trying to steal what does not and never has belonged to her."
"The repercussions of her trying to steal from her parents and sister are being excluded from family gatherings because family doesn’t steal from family."
"You are never going to sacrifice your wellbeing and comfort for someone who you now know in no uncertain terms will do every and anything to defraud and steal from ppl who have done nothing but love her."
"Loving you means respecting you having no contact. Granny needs to be told the hard truth and the wedding will be without the cockroach in attendance. Congrats on your wedding. NTA." ~ Stoic_STFU
"You're not paying all that money to play family therapy with auntie. Also your wedding is NOT the place to make it all about auntie."
"Just because grandma wants to coddle thieving auntie all her life doesn't mean everybody else has to play along. She'll get robbed blind herself when she gets a little feeble down the road. You're NTA." ~ Senator_Bink
"That’s the most egregious part to me. Trying to force a bride to just sit back and take this abuse on her own wedding day? What a way to ruin what’s supposed to be the happiest day of her life." ~ nerdyconstructiongal
"Your wedding is your wedding. You invite who you want there, even before taking her toxicity into account. End of story. NTA." ~ friendofallthecats
The OP provided an update:
"I want to sincerely thank everyone who’s been commenting here. I’ve been driving myself crazy lately because I have several family members who have been wanting me to forgive and forget, but you’re all right. She will not be invited. I wholeheartedly agree."
"I mainly posted this to ease my mind. I’ve had several people in my family try to get to me to make amends with my Aunt, but she’s done more to me to make me go no contact than just the will situation."
"Again, thank you endlessly for the support. This has been a real mental battle and I really needed someone to help me realize I’m not crazy."
OP should enjoy their wedding day, not be forced to hold peace talks with a toxic relative.
Uninviting her aunt from her life sounds just right.
