It’s not uncommon for parents to help their children financially.
Fiscal responsibility is a learning curve that takes a fair amount of trial and error.
One reason most parents offer help without a second thought is knowing that with time, their children will one day help them out in kind.
Of course, financial assistance can be offered and requested, but it should never be demanded.
With a little help from her parents, Redditor throwAwayWho818 had grown a surprisingly healthy nest egg for her young age.
A nest egg the original poster (OP) was shocked to find her parents stealing from in plain sight.
While the OP tried to explain to her parents that their behavior was out of line, she was even more shocked by her mother’s response to this claim.
Confused and hurt by the whole situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to pay my parents’ mortgage after they took money from my savings without asking?”
The OP explained how she found herself in an unpleasant financial tug-of-war with her parents:
“I (18 F[emale]) work for my dad and get paid really well for my age.”
“I’ve been working for him for a year, saving most of my income in an account they don’t have access to while keeping a little for daily expenses.”
“My relationship with my parents is rocky because their marriage is toxic, and my sibling (10 M[ale]) and I are often caught in the crossfire of their unresolved issues.”
“I live with them, but I’m planning to move out and take my sibling with me when I can.”
“Recently, things had been calm between us, so I thought maybe I could trust them more.”
“They’ve always said my money is mine, so I didn’t see this coming.”
“Last night, they asked to see how much was in my savings account.”
“When I showed them, they grabbed my phone and ignored my questions about what they were doing.”
“I overheard them transferring $990 (the daily limit) into their loan account without my permission.”
“When I got upset, my dad laughed and told me to transfer another $990 the next day.”
“They didn’t explain why they were taking the money or ask for my help beforehand.”
“This morning, my mom admitted it was for their mortgage.”
“I told her they could have asked me instead of taking it without permission.”
“She said, ‘Your money is our money, and you’re getting the house when we die, so what’s the problem?’”
“That really hurt because I’ve worked hard for my savings to secure my future and help my sibling, and now it feels like all my work is pointless.”
“I refused to give them more money, which led to a screaming match with my mom.”
“She accused me of being selfish and ungrateful since they’ve provided for me my whole life.”
“I do feel grateful, but I also feel like they’ve crossed a line by taking my money without asking and then demanding more.”
“I understand they’re under financial stress, but I feel like they’re treating me like an ATM instead of their daughter.”
“I’m questioning whether I should just give in to keep the peace, though it feels wrong.”
“Why I might be the a**hole:”
“I refused to give them more money for their mortgage, even though I live under their roof, and they’ve supported me in the past.”
“Maybe I’m being selfish by prioritizing my savings instead of helping them during a tough time.”
“Am I in the wrong for saying no?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to help her parents pay their mortgage with her savings.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s parents committed blatant theft, with many encouraging the OP not to waste another second and move out of their house immediately and others urging her to consider legal action:
“You should have called the bank immediately and reported the transfer as fraudulent, explaining how it happened.”
“NTA.”
“Honestly, just move out, right now.”
“This instant.”
“And they are not good parents.”
“At all.”
“A good parent does exactly none of the above.”- Mathalamus2
“NTA.”
“They stole from you.”
“I’d move the money to another bank and change the account access to only you.”
“Call the bank and report the unauthorized transfers out of your account.”- No_Philosopher_1870
“NTA.”
“Change your passwords now.”
“Also, call the bank and see if you can contest the charge.”
“But you might also need a police report.”
“I say this nicely, but stop being so naive.”- snarkness_monster
“NTA.”
“First you need to find another job that your dad isn’t control of.”
“As long as you work for him, you’ll always be under his control.”- wlfwrtr
“NTA.”
“I really despise it when parents use the whole ‘I raised you and did everything, blah blah blah’ line.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“You can appreciate it and maybe do some things back for them, but you don’t have to because they raised you.”
“They signed up for the responsibility of having a child, so it’s their JOB to feed, shelter, and provide for you.”
“You can be grateful, but that doesn’t mean you have to be their cash cow because they did so much.”
“Saying that ‘you’ll be getting the house when we die’ is straight toxic manipulation.”
“For example, if you don’t do this, you’ll get nothing when they die, and it’s your fault.”
“No.”
“It’s their’s.”
“They are the adults and know better, but they wanna go back to the old fashion.”
“‘I’m big, you’re small, I’m smart, you’re dumb, I’m right, you’re wrong’.”
“And take your hard earned money they swore that was solely your’s.”
“They have damaged your trust so much to the point that you had to let the bank know not to let them STEAL it.”
“They will probably say ‘family helps family’ but here’s the real question:”
“Why does family not mean anything when it’s hurting you?”
“Classic manipulation.”
“My version goes: ‘family helps family. If you are here to hurt you aren’t family. Fix yourself or get out’.”- Xytheboi
“’Since they’ve provided for me my whole life’ this mindset from parents makes me so incredibly angry.”
“Like, yeah, you actively chose to have children.”
“Literally, your ONE job is to provide for them.”
“They didn’t ask to be born; you made that decision, and when you make that decision, you face the consequences of it, aka providing for them financially for as long as you need to.”
“Not just until they become 18.”
“They are your child from the moment you brought them into this world to the moment they leave it.”
“You don’t get to weaponize your decision and your responsibilities against the child when it’s convenient for you.”
“NTA.”- Fearless-Whereas-854
“I suspect you are being paid ‘really well’ for your age by your dad because he assumed you’d then pay him.”
“It’s a tax dodge to extract money from the business more cheaply than paying himself directly.”
“Such arrangements are quite common, but usually all parties are aware of it, agree to it, and understand it.”
“If he just assumed your money is his then he miscalculated.”
“NTA.”- Happiness-to-go
“NTA.”
“Move out now.”- OhmsWay-71
“Definitely NTA.”
“Their actions have consequences.”- Busy-Magician-6309
“We’ll look what their pride got them now.”
“The world now knows your parents forcefully stole from you.”
“That they are willing to financially abuse you because they somehow mismanaged their money and need you to pay for their mortgage.”
“Is your father’s business really that stable?”
“Did they mortgage the house to fund the business?”
“There’s a lot going on here, and they are hiding something.”
“You’re an adult, and they should be honest with you instead of building resentment about what they did.”
“If you’ll eventually get the house as they say, tell them you want to see the paperwork of how much they owe and add you to the deed if you’re paying the mortgage now.”
“If they are that behind in payments and they need to steal your money, they will probably lose the house or sell it just before, and you’ll have nothing left but an empty bank account.”
“They will not pay you back from the sale either.”
“Try to have a reasonable conversation with them.”
“But as others have said, look for a new job just in case.”
“NTA.”- Better-Turnover2783
The OP later returned with an update on how she handled her parents’ actions:
“Thanks to everyone who offered their advice. I listened and called the bank, and they have restricted all transfers out of the savings account, which is good.”
“They also said that the only way right now to get the 990 dollars back is by lodging a police report but I decided against it.”
“I know… I’m just not mentally strong enough to go against my parents like THAT at the moment.”
All children owe their parents a debt of gratitude for giving them food and shelter, let alone life and love.
However, no child is ever obligated to get their parents out of a hole that they dug with their own poor judgment.
Especially when their parents did not seem to provide them the love that every child deserves.
Which heartbreakingly seems to be the poor OP’s situation.