The immediate timeframe that follows childbirth is full of joy, exhaustion, trauma, and stress.
Having a baby and learning how to keep it alive are things that take time to process.
However, parents don't have the luxury of time to dawdle.
That's why it's unfortunate that loved ones sometimes don't give new parents a grace period before they start trying to be super involved in a newborn's life.
Redditor pieceofpower found themself in a personal dilemma regarding their BIL's aggressive behavior, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for confronting/blocking my brother in law after what he said about me, my wife, and our newborn?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wife and I just had our first baby a few weeks ago. "
"The birth was rough and ended in a C-section, and recovery has honestly been hard on her physically and mentally."
"She’s had a lot of anxiety since the birth, and we’ve mostly just been trying to survive the newborn phase and adjust to being parents."
"Because of that, we really haven’t wanted a ton of visitors."
"We’re also both naturally introverted people to begin with, so between exhaustion, recovery, anxiety, and trying to figure everything out, we’ve mostly kept to ourselves."
"Apparently, my B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] took this very personally."
"For some context, he and his wife had a baby last year, and I guess he’s been upset for a while that we aren’t super close as families."
"We probably could be more social, I’ll admit that."
"But a lot of the time when they come over, it’s because they’re visiting her parents (we're living with them until we can buy a house), not because we specifically made plans together."
"Sometimes we don’t even know they’re coming over beforehand."
"They just show up and are mad we don't make a big deal about it or interact much?"
"A couple of days coming back from the hospital, he blew up on my wife on the phone and made comments to my wife like 'I feel sorry for your baby, Why did you even have a baby,' and 'I hope your baby doesn’t turn out like you guys.'”
"That really f**king pissed me off, especially because he said it while my wife is still recovering from surgery and dealing with postpartum anxiety."
"So I texted him and basically told him he crossed a line, that what he said was unacceptable, and that he owed both of us an apology."
"I also explained that my wife had a rough C-section, we’re exhausted, and we just wanted a couple of weeks to settle into being parents before dealing with a bunch of social stuff."
"I didn't attack him or insult him, just asked for an apology, which honestly was kind of an ultimatum if I'm being honest... but still."
"Instead of apologizing, he basically doubled down."
"He said he stands by what he said."
"He said he only feels sorry for our baby because he thinks we’re too isolated and antisocial and that our son won’t grow up around family (which isn't true; we just wanted a couple of weeks)."
"He also said that plenty of women have rough births and don’t 'shun' their families, and that 'he’s had more sleepless nights than me and doesn’t use it as an excuse to be selfish.'"
"After that, I just responded with basically alright, see ya man 👍 and blocked him from everything and haven't said a word to him or his wife since."
"Honestly, the thing that’s making me the angriest is that I even have to deal with this right now."
"We’re exhausted with a newborn, my wife is still recovering, and instead of just enjoying this time and figuring out parenthood together, now we’re dealing with family drama and stress on top of everything else."
"I feel like this is time I'm not getting back, and he's partially ruined it for me at least."
"It’s also causing tension between my wife and me because it’s her brother."
"I’m still really angry and stewing about all this, and I don’t feel like backing down because I genuinely think he crossed a line for me as a new father."
"But now it feels like I’m somehow being made out to be the bad guy because I'm saying I don't want him around my son or me now, and my wife is saying she never should have told me the things he said because of the rift it has caused now."
"My side of the family, on the other hand, has been very understanding... 🤷 and now they got to visit him today."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA and couldn’t agree more, great job OP." ~ redbeardedlumberjack•
"NTA. And can I just say how refreshing it is for a husband to actually stand up for his wife in this situation?"
"Too often the husband doesn’t advocate for his wife that had just given birth to their child, let alone a traumatic C-section birth." ~ AnnNonNeeMous
"NTA, Until your B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] births a baby himself, he doesn’t get an opinion on whether someone is behaving right or wrong after they actually physically birthed a baby."
"Keep supporting your new family, understand that your wife is torn, but maintain that the priority is your new nuclear family, not her overbearing brother." ~ SunshinePrincess21
"NTA. I would have reacted the same way."
"I think as partner to the new mum, you do have a role to be the 'security guard' in those early days."
"Those early days are hard."
"The fact he can’t remember that makes me think he likely didn’t 'help' with the baby (aka parenting) as much as he should have."
"It is a tricky dynamic now for your wife, however, especially living with your in-laws."
"But I still stand by my NTA ruling 🧑⚖️." ~ Obvious-Explorer-195
"NTA. He had absolutely no right to say those things to your wife."
"He sounds very self-centred and a bit of a narcissist."
"I’m on your side about keeping him away from you and your son."
"And why would your wife want him around after the awful things he said about her newborn baby and her?"
"I hope it’s just because she has P[ost]P[artum] D[epression].
"And will come to see who he really is as a person."
"Stay strong and stand your ground on this."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy." ~ babydtheone
"NTA. He's a jerk."
"You probably should have let your wife handle it, though, since he is her brother."
"Your wife is correct as well; she really should have kept her mouth shut."
"Sibling dynamics are different for every pair of siblings."
"Evidently her and her brother are kind of nasty to each other." ~ SuspiciousCod1090
"Or she’s so used to him being ugly that she can’t stand up for herself."
"I wonder if he got worse afterwards and she’s hidden it from you?"
"Sit down with your wife after y’all get a bit of sleep and talk it out."
"Right now, she’s in pain, and both of you are sleep deprived, so emotions are high."
"The BIL sounds toxic and doesn’t need to add to y'all's anxiety."
"Congrats on the new baby, and be there for each other."
"If you trust the grandparents, use them for an hour or two nap."
"Good luck." ~ CarelessZucchini8477
"NTA. When he, personally, has a baby, he can make comments like that (meaning, actually push one out)."
"Until then, he needs to take a seat and stfu."
"Just because one woman has an easy birth, doesn’t mean it’s always a walk in the park."
"Also, if your wife is going through postpartum anxiety, he’s not helping."
"He’s a jerk, and sounds like he has to have all the attention, from everyone."
"This is NOT your fault."
"You’re doing what is best for your family, not his."
"If he doesn’t understand that, then that’s HIS problem, not yours."
"Take care of your wife and baby."
"Don’t let that AH anywhere near the baby when he does come over."
"Let him know that since he doesn’t think your wife should have had a baby, then he doesn’t get the pleasure of meeting him."
"I am sorry."
"Men like that piss me off. "
"They think they know it all, when they don’t." ~ Ren1221
"I just had an emergency C-section with my last baby this year, and the recovery was rough, more than when I had my vaginal births with my other kids."
"I hope that your wife and baby are doing okay and that your wife is getting a chance to heal and relax during this time, whilst you all bond as a family."
"Your BIL is an absolute arsewipe, and I think the child we need to worry about not growing up to be the same as their parent, is his child, not yours."
"NTA, you protected your wife whilst also remaining calm and polite, you weren’t threatening or rude, so his response is a reflection on him and his entitlement."
"I’d keep him blocked and ignore him, but hopefully your wife will realize that she has a husband who will stand by her and defend her, even if it’s her brother; she shouldn’t accept that type of treatment from him." ~ Hippopotamus_can_fly
"NTA, no one needs people like this in their lives."
"Block them, keep them blocked."
"Lost your wife, deal with her family, remove yourself from this equation." ~ rojita369
"Overall, NTA, well done for standing up for your wife."
"The only thing is you’re living in his parent’s house, you don’t really get to decide who comes and goes from there." ~ Zsazsabinks
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your BIL is completely out of line.
He has some serious apologizing to do.
You take care of yourself and your family.
Congratulations!
