Being a mom isn't easy.
It can be especially difficult in the beginning with a baby.
Yes, being a parent can be a wonderful role in life, but a lot goes into it.
Moms need a break now and then.
Some partners don't make the situation better.
Redditor M0D_Mum15525 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA - My partner said he felt sick when I turned my back on our 4 month old for 5 minutes to look at my phone."
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"We were sleeping in bed in the morning, him being fed, burped."
"My partner changed his nappy, I tried to put him back on to feed, he bit me out of boredom."
"Hence, I rolled over and said you can lay there for five minutes."
"He was happily playing with the back of my t-shirt and babbling when my partner asked why I had my back to him and I said he's doesn't want anything and quite happy resting for a moment when he said it made him feel physically sick."
"Here's the thing, my partner is great and does a lot for us around the house and otherwise, but he works half the week and I am a S[tay]-A[t]-H[ome]-M[om] at the moment, so I eat, sleep, and breathe baby. "
"When my partner takes the baby, I feel like he's ,babysitting and forgets about everything else, including his own needs, such as hydrating and preparing meals, and maybe doing the odd chores, which I do daily."
"So hearing this, I obviously had a go at him and was very shocked."
"He then apologised, but it was the initial disgust that I am dumfounded by."
"I genuinely feel like I'm surviving with 5 minutes here and there to myself while the baby is occupied or content, and caring for my mental health by taking breaks and disengaging is sickening?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, you are surviving on five-minute breaks."
"A baby happily babbling and playing while you decompress for a moment is not neglect."
"His reaction was an overreaction, and he apologized."
"The more important conversation is making sure he understands what your day actually looks like, so comments like that do not happen again." ~ Elegant-Top-7285
"If a 4-month-old is fed, changed, safe, happy, and literally playing with your shirt while you're lying right next to them, then 'physically sick' is a wildly dramatic reaction."
"Parents are allowed to look at their phones, eat lunch, go to the bathroom, and exist as human beings for five minutes without maintaining constant eye contact with a baby." ~ sleep0077
"Take what I'm about to say so seriously."
"Whatever days off he gets, he has the baby all day, one of those days."
"You get to do whatever you want."
"Window shop, actual shop, grab a coffee, get a massage, get your nails done, hair done, toes done, whatever you want to do."
"Hell, even just have a long everything shower, and scroll on your phone all day, who cares!"
"My point is, he may be brilliant and helpful, but he clearly doesn't understand just how exhausting being the 24/7 baby caretaker is."
"So once a week, he steps up."
"No questions asked, and you get to do all the things he can do without giving it a second thought." ~ Think_Substance_1790
"This is the best answer."
"I finally left the house when my husband was on baby duty because he’d constantly ask me for things if I were home."
"Can you fix the bottle, change the baby, etc.?"
"Um… no. I do that 24/7 when you’re traveling." ~ Competitive-Push-715
"As a mother of three, I can assure you that you are NTA here."
"If a baby's needs have been met, then there's nothing wrong with you letting them sit there and entertain themselves as long as you're still around to make sure that they're not trying to kill themselves by doing the stupid shit that babies do."
"In this case, the baby was clean, fed, burped, and was happily in a safe place (right behind you) and was contentedly exploring his world by playing with your shirt... that's fine."
"Hell! If that made your partner 'physically ill,' imagine what he'd say if he heard about how many mothers treat their babies."
"Typically, after they were fed, burped, cleaned, and changed, I'd dump them into the playpen where they can't get into trouble and would work on cleaning the house, peeking in on them every few minutes."
"If what you did made your partner 'physically sick, ' then he'd likely accuse my @ss of full-on neglect."
"Now, while I'm placing you into the NTA category... If this is your first child together, then I'm also putting your partner into the NTA category, as what he's feeling is 'First Baby Syndrome.'"
"What happens to a lot of first-time parents is that for their first child, they sanitize the whole house, child-proof everything, organic this, that, and the other."
"Basically, treating a baby like it's a Faberge egg that'll break if you look at it wrong."
"Once they get to the point where it's old enough to not try to choke itself to death by eating a matchbox car... they're over that, and subsequent children are no longer as much of a cause for treating like it's an unstable bomb that'll go off if you sneeze around it."
"So if this is your first... I'd cut him some slack and calmly remind him that it's best that someone is around the child to make sure needs are met and safety is assured... but that you don't have to be in their face 24/7."
"It's fine to let them be alone in a safe space where they can explore the world and their developing bodies."
"If this is not his first rodeo, then yeah, I'd call him an a**hole." ~ Tactical-Pixie-1138
"NTA. Turning your back for five minutes while a content, babbling baby plays with your shirt right next to you isn't neglect, lol."
"Babies need moments of not being the center; it's how they learn to self-soothe."
"'Physically sick' is wildly out of proportion."
"He gets to react like that because he's not doing it 24/7."
"He works half the week and treats baby time like a shift, so he doesn't have the reps to know a 5-minute breather is normal and necessary."
"He apologized, and he's good otherwise, so don't spiral, but worth saying calmly: you don't see the other 23 hours and 55 minutes I'm fully on." ~ PolymarketEagle
"NTA. My husband would go off about me using my phone or watching TV while breastfeeding."
"He was always saying how I was missing a crucial bonding opportunity - my newborn was cluster feeding to sleep, so it was literally feeding a sleeping potato every half hour for 20 mins."
"I made eye contact with my baby, I'm skin to skin with baby, I barely put baby down for the 10min interval to sprint to the bathroom and have a panic attack, leaving bubs."
"The men mean well but have no idea." ~ Lollipopwalrus
"NTA. Instead of trying to raise your anxiety and control your behavior, if he was actually worried about the baby, he could have just watched, held, or cared for the baby in whatever way he thought it might have been missing out on for 5 good minutes." ~ Drakeytown
"Right? Like, there are 2 parents right there with the baby."
"It’s an equal responsibility to watch them."
"1 human cannot be solely responsible for watching a baby every second without taking their eyes off. He’s putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on you. "
"You knew the baby was safe."
"He’s right there, too."
"If he thinks the baby has to have adult eyes looking at it non-stop, then he can."
"He’s trying to make you feel like you were being a bad mom somehow."
"He needs to own up to equal responsibility for the baby." ~ Jessirose32
"Not being flippant, he might have unresolved issues from his own childhood related to how his parents treated him?"
"That might explain his VERY extreme reaction, which sounded visceral."
"Perhaps he needs counseling?"
"You are definitely NTA." ~ Resident-Staff-1218
"NTA. Your partner looks at you like a non-human appliance that isn't allowed to have needs."
"Your need to disconnect for your mental health, your need to rest, your need not to be 'on' 24/7 disgusted him because he doesn't see you as a person equal to himself."
"He sees you as a free service provider for everyone else's needs, who shouldn't and isn't allowed to be fully human with needs of their own."
"You exist to serve 24/7."
"And that's it."
"If you aren't serving him or his offspring for 5 minutes, you are broken." ~ ManagementFinal3345
"NTA. That assertion shows that he has ridiculous expectations for how you should be parenting."
"Sounds like you need to leave the baby with him for at least a weekend so he can have a better taste of 24/7 parenting."
"If you're also pumping, you could probably do it soon." ~ C_Majuscula
"Defo NTA."
"I feel like this is one of those pivotal moments you won’t forget and will make you change how you see him."
"As a Mum of now a 23-year-old and a 21-year-old, I can tell you now it never stops."
"So allow yourself any pocket of time you can get without feeling any kind of way about it."
"You can’t pour from an empty cup." ~ WonderfulCheck3953
Reddit is with you, OP.
You needed five minutes.
Your baby was in no danger.
Your partner needs to step up in the understanding department.
