There are going to be times in our lives when someone totally betrays us, and it will hurt us.
But every once in a while, karma comes full circle, and we can revel in it, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor madetheirbed_aita was shocked when her parents reached out to her for financial help after they’d disowned her more than a decade before.
But when they tried to guilt her for providing for her as a child, the Original Poster (OP) took the opportunity to point out their mistakes.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my parents that they made their own bed so they can lay in it when they asked me for help?”
The OP’s parents turned her away when she came out.
“I (29 Female) was pretty much disowned by my entire family when I came out at 18. My parents gave me five minutes to grab my things before shutting me outside.”
“I remember telling them that there was no way I could live on my own, that I was their kid, and they should want to love and support me.”
“My father told me that I made this bed myself by ‘choosing’ my lifestyle, so I should grow up and learn to lay in it.”
The OP made a great life with herself.
“I turned out pretty okay, all things considered. I was able to go to college on a few scholarships and not too many loans.”
“I met my wife during our freshman year, and I’ve been with her ever since. We have a two-year-old daughter, who is the most precious little person in the world.”
“We bought a house, and we both have decent-paying jobs.”
“I consider myself to be incredibly lucky and I can’t imagine my life without my wife and our daughter.”
Then one day, the OP’s parents reached out.
“I don’t keep in touch with my bio family, so I don’t know how my parents got my contact info, but they did.”
“My mom sent me a message, detailing the financial issues they were going through. They had to sell the house I grew up in, and they moved to some apartments.”
“At the end of the message, my mom asked me if I’d be willing to help them out for a little while by letting them stay with me.”
“I didn’t respond to the message. I just planned on pretending like I never saw it. But then I got a call the other day and as soon as I answered it, I realized my dad was on the other end.”
“He told me the same thing my mom did and that they needed help.”
“I said, ‘That really sucks, I hope you figure it out.’
The call ended in an argument.
“He then flat-out asked if I was seriously not going to provide them with any assistance.”
“I asked why he wanted my help, and he told me that I should want to support my parents the way they supported me growing up.”
“I replied, saying that maybe if their ‘support’ of me hadn’t ended the moment I told them I was a lesbian, I’d be willing to help them, but unfortunately, they made their bed themselves, so they can lay in it too.”
“I hung up on him, and later he left a voicemail, calling me selfish and cruel for using their financial struggles to prove a point.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“Maybe it is cruel. I don’t know.”
“I sent my mom an email with a bunch of links to soup kitchens, food pantries, housing assistance, etc. and then I blocked both her and my dad.”
“I might change my number if they try calling again but for now, I’m gonna leave it as is.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was not wrong to turn her parents away.
“NTA. They literally left you to die. You don’t owe them s**t, they just want your money.” – berta903410
“OP didn’t do anything to cause the financial struggles. They did that to themselves most likely.”
“They made it clear they didn’t want anything to do with OP, they shouldn’t be surprised that OP doesn’t want anything to do with them either.”
“Even if OP was so ridiculously generous as to want to help them, who would want 2 bigots living with them to poison their young child?” – Selphis
“The thing is that your dad tried to flip the script by saying you were using their financial struggles to get back at them. You are not. You’re just living your life and if they hadn’t contacted you, then you wouldn’t know about it.” – HortenseDaigle
“OP did want to take the high ground, by first ignoring them and then turning them down without comment. Dad insisted on further explanation and got the simplest and most eloquent answer back that OP could give; his own words.”
“If his words sound cruel and selfish, imagine how cruel they sounded to an 18-year-old that had just been kicked out of their house with nothing.”
“When you’re a sh*tty person looking in the mirror hurts. Too bad, it sucks to suck. I would have laughed in his face.” – DogmaticNuance
“Disownment goes both ways. If they no longer want to be responsible for their child and are going to go on with life pretending that child doesn’t exist, then they can’t come crawling to that child asking her to be responsible for them.”
“Also, this whole ‘you owe us for raising you’ card is complete bulls**t. It’s their job as parents to raise you. You didn’t choose to be born. They chose to have you. Them not doing otherwise would have resulted in far worse for them than homelessness. So no OP, NTA, and you don’t ‘owe’ them anything either.” – CrimsonPromise
Others complimented the OP on what her feeling guilty said about her.
“You feel guilty because you have a heart. They don’t.” – Dependent_Show2297
“NTA. You felt guilty, so you sent them some links to resources like soup kitchens/food pantries and such. You did more than they did for you. Don’t stress.” – lucimme
“NTA. You wouldn’t be here asking if you were hard-hearted like your parents. Block those phone numbers and emails. You don’t need to ever hear from them again.” – KaijuAlert
“They threw you out on the street. If you weren’t smart and lucky enough, you could’ve been homeless and abused. Your life could’ve very easily gone in a different direction, and they were willing to let that happen.”
“People like that don’t deserve the title of parent. Feel free to send them this post.” – DutyValuable
Some were concerned about how the OP and her family would be treated during the “visit.”
“Don’t feel guilty. Your parents were legally obligated to support you to 18. The second that legal obligation was done and you did something they didn’t like, they threw you out. Your parents are not entitled to anything for ‘supporting’ you growing up because that was their legal and moral obligation.”
“If they pester you about it again, just ask why they want to partake in your sInFuL lIfEsTyLe? Surely living with two lesbians who are actively having lesbian sex and being lesbian-married is not just condoning such a ‘lifestyle,’ but actively encouraging and benefitting from it?”
“And don’t forget they’ll have to witness their precious granddaughter (who they’ve never met) being lesbian-parented. The horror.” – Jmpjmp
“Clearly, they would ask OP and her wife to sleep in separate rooms while they stay there. Can’t have them flaunting their lesbian lifestyle in front of them. After all, they are already corrupting their poor grandchild by having her grow up in that household. (sarcastic comment)” – Mocha_Latte_
“NTA. You weren’t proving a point, you were refusing to invite toxic people into your life. You were also protecting your own child from the bigoted cruelty that they have proven they have no problems directing towards a child, even one they had raised for 18 years.” – myhairs0nfire2
“I’d like to point out that it’s almost certain they don’t approve of your ‘lifestyle’ anymore now than they did then. But now that they need help, they’re willing to throw a ratty sheet over their bigotry so that they can get that help.”
“It’s still there, h**l, it’s probably still partially visible. If you let them into your house, I have no doubt that they’ll continue to verbally abuse you and your wife.” – Guywithoutimage
“They only want to be in your life because they need something from you. The moment they get back on their feet, they’ll be all bigotry and callousness.”
“I honestly see this as karma for their past behavior. They said you should help them and support them the same way they did for you…”
“Well, sounds like you’re doing exactly that. They turned their back on you and punished you for your ‘choices.'”
“Well, now their ‘choices’ are coming back to bite them in the a**. Hope it hurts.”
“Maybe if they’d have made different ‘choices,’ they wouldn’t be in the boat they are now. For example, if they had acted like halfway decent human beings and didn’t turn their back on their own child, maybe they’d actually have some support now. But thems the breaks.”
“NTA. Don’t subject your wife and your child to these people. Don’t subject yourself to them.”
“They literally only want you around because they need something.” – acegirl1985
“Here’s something I haven’t seen mentioned: who’s to say that bigoted, small-minded behavior wouldn’t continue once they were inside her four walls?”
“Why in the sam h**l would you subject yourself to that kind of mental ignorance all over again? NTA and close the chapter on that book.” – Mamabear_65
The subReddit not only understood why the OP had refused to help her parents, but they encouraged her to continue doing so. They were obviously only reaching out for financial help, not reconciliation, and there was no telling how they would treat the OP, her wife, or their daughter while receiving her help.