Getting along with your future spouse’s family is one of the more difficult aspects of getting married. If there’s friction, it’s going to be amplified by a lifetime of interactions.
When Redditor 45900Lkl4342 has an issue with his brother-in-law, it leads to a conflict splitting the family. The original poster (OP) thinks he’s justified in what he did, but isn’t 100% sure.
To become sure, he asks the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit the titular question:
“AITA for telling my brother in law to leave after he kept handing out his wedding invitations at my wedding?”
What led to all this?
“My wife’s brother M[ale]37 and I M33 (I don’t call him brother in law for reasons). He’s a doctor and takes pride in his line of work and treats others as less than.”
“Admittedly, he’s civil enough to be around he’s a dad to a 16 year old daughter, he’s engaged and was supposed to get married last month but postponed because he had a fight with his father in law.”
“He got involved in our wedding by criticizing the rules we had from the food, menu, who should and shouldn’t attend according to his ‘prestige’. And also started sulking because he wanted his fiancee to be MOH but my wife and I didn’t agree.”
“Days before this wedding he came to us and asked if he could announce his wedding date before the ceremony begins but I politely said no. He said fine and dropped out.”
“At the day of the wedding he showed up with his fiancee and daughter in the middle of the ceremony. And didn’t even sit he just started going around shaking guests hands and handing them small cards which turned out to be his wedding invitations.”
“I was upset but couldn’t interrupt the ceremony but obviously people were distracted which was awful. The ceremony was over and he was still handing out his wedding invitations and talking about how his wedding will look like from the atmosphere to the venue etc. Basically putting my wedding down in every way he could.”
“I walked straight up to him and asked what he was doing. He looked at me from head yo toe and started laughing quietly saying ‘I’m sorry, my God the suit…’ While staring at it.”
“I told him going around handing guests invitations was not acceptable. He said ‘this wasn’t about you none of it was about so please don’t be offended everyone here is family’. I told him he was disrespecting my marriage and my wedding and my guests by doing that.”
“He blew up and listed all the things I didn’t consider like letting his fiancee be the MOH, letting his daughter sing with the band or karaoke and now creating a problem over him handing guests invitations.”
“He then literally asked ‘how dare you make today all about you? Do you own Wednesday?’ I lost it on him and told him to leave immediately.”
“His fiancee and MIL came and tried to get me to drop it but I told him to leave right then. He was angry and left, then had my in-laws come at me for kicking my wife’s brother out in the middle of her wedding and refusing to let him be there and support her.”
“Now I’m expected to make amends and apologize or I won’t be invited to his wedding.”
“AITA for getting him to leave early and excluding him from the rest of the celebration?”
OP certainly had reason to be upset, but was it worth kicking out his BIL and getting disinvited from the next wedding?
Commenters judged OP for how he reacted.
They did this by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The brother-in-law was more than a jerk, he downright insulted OP at his wedding and tried to steal all the attention. Not only is OP not wrong for kicking his wife’s brother out, but why would he want to go to his wedding?
That was the judgement the commenters agreed upon.
“NTA, I wouldn’t apologise, he sounds like a total a**hole. Are you really bothered about not being invited to his wedding?”
“Petty me would wedding crash and hand out invitations to some other event and throw every word of what he said back in his face.” – Words_and_travels
“NTA”
“I don’t think you want to be invited to his wedding, although you could do the same thing that he did to you but at his wedding and see how he feels.” – Nothingisuphere1234
“I’m sorry, he handed them out MID CEREMONY? What kind of delusional world do you have to live in to do that?”
“NTA at all, and I wouldn’t go to that wedding even if you are invited.” – ladz42791
“NTA”
“your wife’s brothers behaviour was outrageous. He clearly has problems.”
“how does your wife feel about it all though? don’t let this person disrupt your life by spoiling your relationships with your wife’s family.” – AeronwenTrewent
Others decided to come up with the best and most petty way to get back at him.
Admittedly, these were pretty funny.
“Announce your wife is pregnant at his wedding.” – dellaevaine
“Basically come back from the rest room holding wife’s hand, hair disheveled, clothes incorrectly buttoned, dropping a used condom at BIL’s feet and then announce OP’s wife is pregnant.”
“JK. Don’t do that. You don’t have to stoop to your ill-mannered BIL’s limbo low standards. It would be hilarious but uncomfortable.” – Emergency_Yard_6009
“NTA, not even a little.”
“Personally, I would show up to his wedding (invited or not) in the tackiest suit possible, and when he tries to comment on it say ‘Well you didn’t care for the one I wore on my wedding day, so I figured this was more your style.’”
“Also, if your wife happens to get pregnant, please be sure to also announce it at a function of his. Maybe not the wedding, unless the future bride is a piece of work too..”
“But the bachelor party wouldn’t be a bad opportunity to ensure he gets a taste of what he gives.” – thunderdoodles
“NTA, have you considered learning how to hip hop dance and passing out invitations to your recital during his wedding mid ceremony” – Appropriate-Hat-4243
“I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again – Tibetan throat singing” – Helpful_Librarian_87
OP needs to figure out if the family dynamic can be salvaged, or others made to understand why what the brother-in-law did was so heinous. If not, things are going to be rough going from here on out.