New Mom Refuses To Change Baby's Name To Appease Mother-In-Law Who Thinks It Sounds Like 'Slur'

Anyone who dreams of ever becoming a parent develops an idea of what they will name their first child fairly early on.

Of course, they might find themselves challenged by the fact that their future spouse or partner isn't so keen on that name.

Even more annoying, many other people will also give their input on any possible names for their child.

Even though they don't have any sort of say.

Redditor UnlikelyCustard8277 recently gave birth to their first child.

There was no doubt in the original poster (OP)'s mind what their child's name would be.

Unfortunately, the OP's mother-in-law (MIL) strongly objected to this choice of name, even going so far as to demand she change it.

Something the OP refused to do, even if it meant damaging the strong relationship the OP had with her MIL.

Concerned as to whether or not she was doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here".

Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for refusing to change my kids name despite it sounding like a ‘slur’ to my MIL?"

The OP explained why her child's name proved to be a major point of contention between her and her MIL:

'For context, I’m mixed race, white and middle eastern from my mom (my mom had been Hebrew but changed denominations after moving to America and meeting my dad)".

"My husband (and his mom) is African American."

"I (32 F[emale]) have recently had my first baby."

"I’d given up on love when I met ‘John’ (40 M[ale]) a year next week."

"What started as a one night stand, then following... encounters, turned into a shotgun wedding, but we weren’t upset about this."

"John hadn’t had many girlfriends before and he claims he was happy to settle down."

"I had much the same feelings."

"We got married in August and I met his mother two days before our courthouse wedding/yard party."

"She was, honestly, one of the most amazing people I’d ever met."

"I never had a mother of my own really and she was everything I’d ever wanted."

"She planned my baby shower, surprised me with a birthday party, and so much more during the pregnancy."

"I went into labor a week early, in Mid March."

"She and the rest of his family stayed away and let us update to them on our time."

"My beautiful baby girl was born on March 19th at 2:19 A.M."

"This is where the issue starts."

"That same day around lunch we let John’s mom and step dad come visit."

"We’d had several names picked out, some of which MIL helped me choose."

"However, I looked into my daughter’s eyes and knew her name."

"Context:"

"My mom’s name was Nessa."

"She had been a wonderful lady I’d never been able to meet."

"So, I chose Nissa instead, said like Niss-uh."

"My MIL said nothing at first."

"She took photos, hugged my husband, was going on about how pretty our daughter was, but never said anything to me."

"I’d not noticed at the time, I’d been exhausted and out of it, and they’d left soon after."

"My husband said something to his mom about it after they left over text, and my MIL went off about the ‘dirty’ ‘slur like’ name I chose."

"And said I was ‘disrespectful’ and ‘racist’ for not asking her first."

"What?"

"My husband waited until we were home to tell me about this and asked if this was a ‘hill’ we were willing to die on."

"I was shocked."

"He loved the name when I brought it up."

"He says his mom is ‘right’ and it’s two letters off from being the exact word."

"Only, it’s NOT the word."

"He slept on the couch."

"I hoped, over the last few weeks, she would get over it along with him."

"He eventually conceded it was a ‘dumb’ request and stood his ground to his mom."

"She came over the next day while he was at work and told me either I change it or she’d tell my husband our baby isn’t his."

"I ended up crying and she left, but I texted my husband and her in a group chat after and told them there’s ’no way in Hell I’m renaming my three week baby’ and told my husband what she said."

"Of course, she denied it."

"It’s started another fight with my husband and he hasn’t slept in the bed for a week now."

"He keeps telling me I’m being ‘overly sensitive’ over a name and that I’d never even knew my mom so it doesn’t ‘matter’."

"So AITAH for refusing to rename my baby bc my MIL thinks it sounds like a slur?"

"Is it?"

"Is it worth fighting for a name when I can just pick another because she’s not even that old?"

"I feel backed into a corner and starting to feel like my husband is right and to give into his mom."

"He keeps telling me he thinks the name is ‘wonderful’ and ‘beautiful’ but not worth the drama."

"Maybe this is how moms are?"

"It felt strange to me to name my baby Nessa because I did not know my mother."

"I wanted to honor her still."

"Nissa was a name they considered for me before ‘meeting’ me and making their decision."

"I chose it because I thought it was beautiful and a great way to honor her."

"Mom was Jewish."

" I’ve seen a lot of Jewish hate and was nervous about publicizing that."

"Her family converted to Judaism at some point(? Maybe? Possibly?) (according to my father) and eventually she became a Christian because that’s what my father was when they married."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the acronyms:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was generally in agreement that the OP was doing the right thing by refusing to change her baby's name.

Everyone agreed that not only was the accusation of the OP's MIL a serious stretch, but the name of the OP's child was fairly common in her culture:

"That’s a very common Middle Eastern and South Asian name."

"I know three people myself who have that name."

"NTA."- FourLeafClover0

"As a black man, that's not the word."

"At all."

"You're MIL and husband are CRAZY."

"When I saw that name, I didn't think a slur for a black person."

"My mind went to Greek mythology for some reason?"

"Even though that's not quite right either, even if that's what you were going for, which it still wasn't."

"I'd think long and hard about leaving this 'family'."

"Especially since MIL has already proven she's willing to lie to get her way."

"Make sure husband has no way to change it behind your back."

"Or MIL."

"And after what the husband said, personally, I think that leaves him territory on that ALONE."

"At minimum, that's couple's counseling initiated by HIM."

"Because that is f*cked."- masterminor

"Full stop on the 'I never met my mom, so it doesn't make a difference'."

"THAT is not something a loving husband would ever say to his wife."

"I can see MIL becoming an issue."

"If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't back down."

"I don't see how Nissa is even in the same f*cking universe as the slur other than it shares 3 letters."

"And for MIL to pull the 'do what I say or I'll implode your marriage and tell my son the baby isn't his' card ?"

"What the ACTUAL F*CK."

"Idk."

"I get a bad feeling about them."

"If you change her name, it only keeps the peace with people like her for so long."

"She'll find another thing to control, then another thing."

"Your life will be hell if you allow her to dictate your decisions."

"And your husband has no backbone."

"If I were you, I'd keep the name and if they don't like it, tough sh*t."

"She won't see her granddaughter."

"I don't take kindly to people who try to control me."

"You are NTA, but they sure as hell are."- thickhipstightlips

"I’m black, and this is HILARIOUS!"

"Ask her what she thinks about 'Monica' and say it real fast too."- Mama_Odie

"Nissa or Nyssa is a well-established name and definitely not a slur."

"Next, you will be saying you can’t call a cat Tiger because it’s also close to a slur."- LavenderKitty1

The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood between her and her MIL.

"Also, thank you to everyone who makes a respectful comment."

"Thank you to the people who respectfully told me a different perspective."

"I’m overwhelmed by the amount of love I’ve received."

"I finally had enough, and my husband slept in the bed last night."

"He told me he ‘really liked the name,’ but his mom wasn’t going to let it ‘go’."

"So, I decided to have his mom and co for dinner tomorrow night."

"We’ll see how that goes."

The OP's MIL isn't wrong in pointing out that her grandchild's name is two consonants away from a racial slur.

However, chances are no one would have made that association had the OP's MIL not pointed that out in the first place.

As the Reddit community pointed out, there are a lot of names that could sound like that or any slur.

One hopes this dinner goes well for the OP, even though it's hard not to feel that she should probably prepare herself for more manipulative behavior.