Black mold refers to Stachybotrys chartarum, a type of toxic fungus that produces harmful mycotoxins which can infect humans and pets through ingestion, inhalation, or skin contact, potentially leading to acute illness or chronic health conditions.
Black mold thrives in damp, poorly ventilated areas with severe water damage like under sinks with leaking pipes or seals.
A fathef who discovered his mother-in-law's home has black mold turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Oploplou asked:
"AITAH for telling my wife that our 13-month-old baby can’t go to her mom's?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"When my child was born, I expressed concern over the state of the house. It had been smoked in for years, and it was not properly cleaned. There were spiderwebs all over the ceilings, a layer of dust that was so thick it was literally laughed at by my sister when she cleaned it—she’s a professional cleaner so I paid for her to clean the main areas of the house for the baby to be there."
"Well during this clean, she opened the cabinet underneath the sink, and was met with it being 'entirely full of black mold. Like to the point I’m confident you can’t clean it and it needs to be removed.' She said both her and my wife made direct eye contact with the cabinet, but I was never told."
"When the cleaning was done, I told my wife that if the bedroom wasn’t cleaned by her mom—she refused to let my sister do it—and the main areas didn’t stay clean, I’d not be okay with the baby going there."
"Well, fast forward 13 months, and the bedroom isn’t clean, and the main areas are already building back their same level of dirt, dust etc... from before, and I was just told about the cabinet by my sister."
"That night when my wife got home, I told her plainly that I did not want him to go to her mother's house until at the very least that was taken care of. She said they wouldn’t replace it because they don’t have the money, even though I know they just remodeled part of the kitchen, bought a new fridge, and signed a loan for a brand new 2026 off the lot car."
"So now she’s acting very short with me, and I feel like she’s treating me as if it’s my fault somehow."
"AITAH for this?"
The OP later added:
"She has an EXTREMELY close relationship with her mom. I knew there’d be some feelings, but more than 72 hours out and I still feel like the bad guy."
"My wife said something to the effect of 'the cabinet is never open, and it’s never been a problem'. But obviously that doesn’t matter that the cabinet is not opened."
"I also had to pause at that, because it made me wonder how long it’s been like that for her to say it’s never been a problem."
"She understands that I’m not messing around. The baby is not allowed to go there, and if I find out it happens, I will be taking action. I don’t know that I’ll leave her immediately (partially because I legitimately could not afford to be a single parent with sole custody), but that would be the very last straw so to speak."
"I love my wife with everything that I have, but I can’t risk my child’s health and safety, for me to not be sad."
"I cannot expose myself anymore, especially not directly like I would have to, to get pictures, as I have documented respiratory issues."
"Her mom almost definitely won’t send the pictures out of embarrassment/spite for me."
"My wife may be able to, but I don’t know if she’s going to. She can be hard headed, and will likely not want to take the chance that the doctor sides with me, further proving that it is a necessary step. It would be easier for her to just be upset."
"There are things being talked about, but I don’t know if this is going to get fixed. I think the biggest problem I’m having with the idea of it getting fixed, is it not being done properly, and then the house is full of mold spores from it being disturbed so heavily, and the proper containment precautions not being taken."
"I also had pneumonia and bronchitis as a child, and we believe the mold that was found in our basement shortly after right by my game area, played a role."
A few days later, OP posted:
"Well, it’s been a little more than two days since the post, and things have only gotten worse."
"Firstly I’d like to thank everyone for all the comments, and suggestions. It really helped me during this."
"So what’s happened? A whole lot of her not talking to me, led to a small fight last night. (I know it was Mother’s Day, I’ll get to that.)"
"I came home from work, and put on a good face. I said happy Mother’s Day again, I asked if she had a good day, asked about the gift etc. Everything was cool until it was time for dinner."
"For a little additional context here, I do, and I mean this literally, all of the cooking and cleaning. She will put her own clothes away, and wash the baby's dishes specifically when asked, other than that I’m on my own. It’s never not been a problem, but it’s also something that I’ve never felt comfortable ending things over."
"Well last night I got home, and everything was a f*cking mess. It was like she just let the baby run through the house and throw things every which way, and picked up nothing. This in and of itself is not totally abnormal, but the level today was completely different than others."
"I ignored it at first, as I knew I needed to start making dinner ASAP because she told me she forgot to feed the baby lunch, and he was getting hangry. This immediately was like, wtf do you mean you didn’t feed the baby lunch? So I went to start cooking and realized we were out of the base for the meal I was making. I asked if she’d rather stay home or go to the store to have a minute to herself. She went to the store, I gave baby a shower."
"When I got him in the shower, immediately I could smell something weird. Under his neck appeared to be dry milk. The child drinks too fast, and sometimes it spills out of his mouth. We’ve always known this since he started in sippy cups, and I always wipe his face/neck off after a bottle to prevent this. Well I guess she had never thought to do that."
"So between these three things, I was a little upset when she got home. I wasn’t taking it out on her in anyway, I was just more quiet, and doing my cooking. She eventually asked me if the baby upset me while she was gone, and I said yes for the sake of saving face (again, it was Mother’s Day)."
"Give it about 5 minutes of us not really talking, and she says to me, why are you so pissed off at the baby. Now I’m faced with a decision, do I try and fabricate some story as to why I’m mad at my child, or do I tell her the truth. I went with the latter."
"I won’t get fully into specifics, but I told her my problems. She cried, and said she would do better. I reminded her that we’ve been here before (her saying she’ll do better about these exact things) and she cried harder. I think it’s finally setting in for her that I’m serious, and that this may end up with us not together."
"I know she loves me, but I question greatly if she respects me. It’s become a growing trend in our relationship over the past 3-4 years, and I’m finally becoming aware of it in the last 6 months or so."
"As far as the situation with her moms, I found out last night that she hadn’t even told her yet. So now I’m stuck in this weird holding pattern of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know there’s going to be backlash, and I’m prepared to weather that storm, but the waiting for it to happen is starting to really spark my anxiety."
"I’m considering telling her mother myself, as it was my decision, but I know my wife will feel undercut by this. It’s the last form of control she has over the situation."
"She’s been treated for postpartum depression (PPD). She’s not currently being treated because it cleared up enough that the treatment was stopped. I understand this could be another trigger. I’m not opposed to her getting treatment, but it’s just been less than a week since this all came to light."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP's concern was justified (NTA).
"NTA. Even ignoring the rest of it, black mold poses an objective risk to your baby's respiratory system. That stuff can take out adults with established immune systems and make them severely unwell."
"What's more important to your wife? Her feelings about going to her parent's shabby house, or her child's health?" ~ Panaccolade
"Is your baby eating too fast because she doesn't feed him OFTEN enough? Babies don't have three meals a day. Their stomachs are small and they need to eat and drink more often. She may have inherited some of her mom's mental illness or issues if she isn't doing the basics of feeding and can't handle executive functioning." ~ AnnoyedRedheadedMom
"Yeah. Babies don't skip lunch. The person caring for them doesn't feed them. What struck me is that he 'missed lunch' and it was late for dinner time."
"That means the baby hasn't eaten all day since OP fed them breakfast that morning. The baby is gobbling food at every feeding because of food insecurity."
"If you've ever worked with shelter animals, kids from homes with food insecurity, or anyone who's been incarcerated, they gobble food even when recently fed as they are used to being unsure of the availability of their next meal."
"Babies about that age still typically eat every 2-3 hours. If they are not getting that, it can cause food insecurity symptoms which includes eating the food they get, as much as they can as fast as they can, because they don't know when/if their next meal is coming."
"You have more serious problems than just your mother-in-law's house." ~ AnnoyedRedheadedMom
The OP provided a short update:
"Wife has called and made an appointment to be seen for PPD again. Tomorrow at 12:30."
While it doesn't resolve OP's original issue with their mother-in-law's black mold, it might make dealing with that problem easier.
