"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry."
A famous saying by Scottish poet Robert Burns that everyone should remember.
More often than not, no matter how much we plan or how hard we try, our "perfect plans" will most likely not go as we hope.
Often, because we can't trust others as much as we might have hoped.
A coworker of Redditor Turbulent_Warning427 had made some very important plans that relied somewhat on his colleagues' help.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) and everyone else at their workplace declined to help this coworker.
Leading him to claim the OP "ruined" his perfect plans.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making my coworker miss his proposal because I wouldn’t cover his shift?"
The OP explained why her coworker blamed her for his thwarted proposal plans:
"I (29 F[emale]) work at a restaurant with this guy we can call him 'Mark' (idk,M)."
"A few weeks ago he told everyone he was planning to propose to his girlfriend during a concert they were going to, and he kept hyping it up nonstop."
"The problem is that he scheduled himself to work that same night and apparently forgot to request it off."
"A few days beforehand, he started begging people to switch with him."
"Nobody wanted to because it was a Saturday night shift."
"He eventually asked me because I technically wasn’t scheduled that day."
"I had a pretty full week, (personal stuff) and I didn't really feel like it so i told him I can't cover it."
"He kept asking and was asking me what plans I have but I didn't."
"If you're wondering why he didn't ask the others, one of them was flying, and the other one had something specific, I don't remember."
"So Mark had to work."
"Apparently, he tried to rush to the concert after his shift, but by the time he got there, the moment he planned was ruined because the band had already played their big final song."
"He ended up proposing afterward in the parking lot and according to him it 'wasn’t special anymore'."
"After he was a little psasive agressive to me and complained a little that i ruined it."
"But I feel like forgetting to request off for your own proposal is not my responsibility."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to switch shifts with her coworker.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP had no one to blame but himself for his planned proposal going awry, with many confused by his decision to propose in the parking lot, and not wait for a better moment:
"NTA."
"A parking lot proposal perfectly matches the amount of planning he put into requesting the night off."- Upper-Philosopher-40
"NTA, he failed to adequately plan one of the biggest days of his life."
"Like asking off work for that in advance is a pretty easy task."- Electronic-Front-640
"NTA."
"It’s beyond childish it’s hostile."
"Because everyone else also said no and your plans were NONE of his business."
"His poor fiancé."- keishajay
"NTA."
"What do they say?"
"I think it goes:"
"Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part."- Pretend_Walk_34NTA.
"NTA."
"HE decided to propose in the parking lot, not you."
"HE forgot to ask for time off for the concert, not you."
"HE decided his job was more important than getting to the concert on time, not you."
"I'm not surprised that he's trying to blame you, but that's because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own failure to plan."
"Good for you not falling into the trap of having to justify your plans, compared to his."- 1962Michael
"NTA."
"It’s pretty dumb to not keep track of your work schedule and then plan a whole concert proposal without making sure you’re actually off that day."
"Nothing was stopping him from planning another proposal on a better time."
"It’s not your fault he decided to do it in the parking lot."
"What was so important that it had to happen on that specific date so he couldn’t possibly have thought of anything else?"-Weird_Bluebird_3293
"NTA."
"If it was that important to him, he would have made sure he had the time off."
"Him prying about what your plans were was an attempt to make the classic 'my time is more valuable than yours' argument that people like him try to use in order to manipulate people into giving them what they want."- HandBananasRevenge
"I don't see how him proposing in a crowded area with thousands of other people screaming would've gone any better."
"And... At any point in time he could've played that song while he proposed."
"Sounds like he sucks, he makes everything else suck, then he blames everyone else for it sucking."
"NTA."- Sky146
"NTA."
"He could just have postponed his proposal and did it on another day."- Jeroclo
"NTA."
"He's doing that thing a lot of people do where they plan poorly and them blame the person who couldn't/wouldn't come to their rescue. It's not your fault he planned poorly."
"Hopefully he takes this as a lesson in life and planning, but... he probably won't."
"Unfortunately."- LexandriaE
"NTA."
"Lol his poor planning isn’t your problem."
"Regardless of whether your had plans or just wanted to sit on the couch (which imo also counts because rest is just as important as a meeting etc) he is the one who planned it poorly."
"He should have asked for the night off, and he didn’t."
"Just because he has poor planning skills does not mean you need to bend your entire schedule for him."
"Besides, instead of doing it at the parking lot he could have just planned a nice dinner the week after and done it there."
"Why did it HAVE to be in that specific moment?"- PaintingByInsects
"NTA."
"But would I do it to be nice?"
"Depends on how much I like or dislike him."- datingnoob-plshelp
"NTA."
"He ruined his own proposal."
"Also why is it specifically your fault when everyone else also refused to cover his shift?"
"If he is going to try blaming someone other than himself that blame shouldn’t all fall to you as you weren’t the only person he asked to cover his shift that said no."- Scared_Fox_1813
"NTA."
"This was his responsibility to manage."
"And you don't have to cover someone last minute because they ask."
"My own personal exception to this would be if he's covered for me in the past, or could help me out by taking a shift in the future, I'd consider it."- That_Bee_Baker
"NTA."
"Lack of planning (of his proposal) does not constitute an emergency on our part."- QDKeck
"NTA, but question, are you the only one he's mad at?"
"He should have planned better."
"It's not anyone's responsibility but his to make sure he asked off."
"If you're the only one he's acting out against, this seems like a typical misogynistic approach to blame a women for his failure/lack of planning."- Major-Astronomer7529
"NTA."
"He can plan a proposal but not schedule PTO?"
"What a doofus."- MonteCristo85
"NTA."
"His five-inch grand romantic gesture isn't your responsibility."
"It would have been no-a**holes-here except for the fact that he tried to argue the point with you as if you had to prove to his satisfaction that you had a good enough reason."- MotelTheTailor1903
"NTA."
"Hope for her sake she said no."
"He is a blame-shifting poor planner."- Appreciate1A
"NTA."
"Even tho it is known that if you miss a proposal, that window is shut forever!"- downwardnote292
"NTA, poor planning on his part does not constitute a crisis on yours."
"And it didn’t matter what your plans were, his plans should have been better cultivated on HIS end."
"The only way that you become the a-hole, is if you had promised to cover his shift and then reneged."
"Sounds like that was not the situation."
"Life is full of disappointments, Murphy’s Law is somehow a very real thing, planning ahead and double-checking well ahead of necessary time frames, helps to reduce said disappointments."
"That’s something everyone needs to keep in mind."- ihopethepizzaisgood
There were a select few, however, who felt that the OP could have shown a little more compassion to her colleague, even if they still agreed his poor planning was ultimately to blame:
"I am astonished at the number of people saying NTA."
"While I don't think he is totally YTA, it's more like an ESH."
"The lack of empathy people have for each other makes me sad."
"The proposing guy was probably so anxious about getting engaged and planning everything."
"Yes, he screwed up badly by not scheduling himself off."
"But come on, what if it was you in his situation?"
"It's not that hard to be kind."
"Remember when karma gives you what you gave."- IndependenceSalty998
It is rather sad that we can't always rely on others.
Even so, the OP's colleague had plenty of time to request that night off to pull off his perfect proposal.
As much as he'd like to blame the OP, it's difficult not to feel that he truly has no one to blame, but himself.
