Content Warning: Mentions of Attacks, Muggings, Assaults, and Scary Pranks
When we think of the most beautiful and memorable marriage proposals in history, of course we think of the guy who hired another guy to kidnap his girlfriend so he could rescue her and propose.
Actually, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, that's the exact opposite of what we'd expect from a future happy and healthy marriage.
Redditor BlissfulRush was spending time with her best friend, catching up, when two men in an unmarked van pulled up and tried to abduct her friend.
Instead of abandoning her, she defended and saved her friend, and the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when she found out the "abduction" was the beginning of a proposal, which her friend's boyfriend accused her of ruining.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for destroying my best friend's proposal because I believed she was being kidnapped?"
The OP was struggling after something that happened with her best friend the week before.
"This actually happened last weekend, and I'm still shaking."
"My best friend Emily (29 Female) has been dating her boyfriend Chris (31 Male) for about four years."
"I (28 Female) love her to death, and I've always supported their relationship even though Chris is eccentric. He loves surprises and stuff. Think flash mobs and scavenger hunts that no one asked for."
The OP couldn't stop thinking about being attacked.
"I was visiting Emily. We were walking around and catching up when this unmarked white van came up next to us. Two masked men jumped out and grabbed her. She began screaming."
"I freaked out, so I did what any sane, frightened human being would do. I grabbed my pepper spray (legal where I am) and yelled bloody murder and went wild. I sprayed one dude in the face, kicked another in the shin, and literally pulled Emily back by the coat while yelling for 9-1-1."
But everything wasn't what it seemed to be.
"It turned out it was Chris and two of his buddies. They were attempting this strange 'prank kidnapping into surprise proposal' situation because Emily wanted a 'proposal like in the movies.'"
"Chris was yelling and crying over the pepper spray. Emily was scared when the cops arrived. It was chaotic."
"Now Chris is angry. He told me I ruined the most significant moment of their lives and embarrassed him in front of everyone. Emily told me she understood why I freaked out but wished I'd read the room."
"But like, how was I going to know? It seemed real. She was crying, they had masks, and IT WAS A LITERAL VAN!"
"Everyone's acting like I overreacted, but I genuinely thought she was being trafficked."
"AITAH for spoiling the proposal?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was NTA and that Chris should have included her in the plan.
"NTA. Chris is a moron. If he intended to 'kidnap' her to propose, he needed to make sure that whoever was with her knew!"
"If he's stupid enough to think a friend would just stand there while random strangers try to kidnap their friend, he's a fool. How can you 'read the room'? You're not psychic." - Intrepid_Bearz
"From what I can tell, the room consisted of a white van and three masked men trying to take a woman off the street. The woman is screaming. What more is there to read? At least she tried to save her friend."
"If he didn't want her to do that, oh, I don't know, maybe he could have told her what to expect so she could play along." - Entire-Flower1259
"Good thing for Chris's friends OP wasn't armed with a real weapon. You don't f**k with people's safety."
"And not just OP, but bystanders too. In Texas, something like 10% of people conceal carry, so depending on where this happened it could have been so much worse." - PikelRick
"No, you don't terrify people you love like this at all."
"No one in their right mind is gonna see a van roll up with masked guys dragging someone off and just assume it's a proposal. That's not 'romantic,' that's a straight-up horror movie scenario."
"Anyone would've done the same. The real fail here is on Chris for not cluing in the person literally walking with her." - TwinkleHoneyBloom
"He didn't expect her girlfriend to kick their a**es and thought it would be extra funny to traumatize her too. He's just embarrassed and he should be. What a dumba**." - CeeCee
"I've known people who have done the 'kidnapping' thing before, and it's usually much better planned than this."
"The much better way would be to have the van pull up and have YOU in on the plan. You tell Emily, 'You have to get in the van. Can't tell you why,' or something like that."
"That gets the fun of being 'kidnapped' without the 'OMG, I need to fight for my life.'" - treple13
"Chris is abusive. Anyone who thinks the way to propose is to terrify and traumatize the women he wants to marry is abusive. It wasn't just a proposal but a test, to make sure he could get away with anything, to teach her if she put up with terrible things, she would get rewarded, to push the boundaries as far as he could and make sure she wouldn't push back."
"Emily is pushing back against the OP because he is punishing Emily behind the scenes for the OP's behavior and probably trying to get her to push the OP out of her life. Emily is getting sucked in." - Music_withRocks_In
Others agreed and argued that Emily should have been more appreciative of the OP.
"OP risked her life to save her friend, despite the situation being fake. If it were me, and I did that to save a friend, I'd end the friendship after those remarks. Read the room?? Nope she can f**k off." - Best_Temperature_549
"If my friend saved me like that, the boyfriend is dumped, and my friend gets a damn spa weekend or a dinner at a good restaurant. No matter why it happened. She could have been taken or killed herself saving the ungratefull muppet, if this was a real situation. Read the room, my duck." - Chance_Violinist8097
"Read the room? READ THE ROOM? Two guys snatch up your screaming friend on the street, and she's telling you to READ THE ROOM???"
"What if someone else had called 911? What if someone else on the street saw and just started wailing on them? What if other people started going on local media about a girl getting grabbed up? This was a poorly conceived prankposal and you did what anyone else should have done."
"NTA, your friend and her boyfriend are dumba**es." - burner_suplex
"She wished you read the room...? You DID read the room, what is she talking about? You did NOTHING wrong and Chris was an absolute psycho for thinking that is how to propose to someone, especially if they didn't tell whoever they were with."
"Also, doing something like that in PUBLIC? Do you know how many cameras are monitoring streets, outside stores, etc? Also, the random people walking around? There was almost 100% that someone would have called the police."
"If a partner tried that with me, I would have 100% told the cops it was unwanted and was kidnapping, even if they were my partner. I would never want them near me again." - Rocket8000
"This is Emily's (bad) version of 'it was just a joke!'"
"Seriously, WHAT ROOM? They were on the street. Should she read the back of the unmarked windowless van? How about the terrorized faces of the other trafficked women when they get to their final destination."
"There was no room. This is the worst take someone can have. She's just trying to justify her id**t boyfriend misunderstanding the assignment. She wanted a proposal from a movie, like the end of a romance film, he was giving her the start of 'Taken.'" - TangledUpPuppeteer
"Chris AND HIS FRIENDS are MORONS. WTAF came up with such a DANGEROUS, STUPID 'PLAN'?!"
"You defended your friend. You'd be my ride or die forever if you saved me from anything like that." - Electtrical-Act-7170
"OP is a FANTASTIC friend. One that doesn't freeze and goes into action to protect her friend."
"It's obvious that the 'kidnappers' weren't targeting OP. She could have sat there and done nothing while OP was taken away."
"Instead, she jumped into action, got herself in the fight (subjecting herself to potential harm) to defend her friend."
"I would love to have OP as a friend. Emily doesn't deserve her."
"'Read the room,' my a**. She read the room- the room said 'YOUR BFF IS BEING KIDNAPPED BY MASKED ASSAILANTS'. Chris should be glad OP wasn't armed with anything bigger than pepper spray." - Babshearth
Everyone could understand a couple discussing and planning a proposal that matches both of their personalities, but if a proposal is going to involve other people, the other people need to be informed of the plan, and it needs to take place in an appropriate setting.
By not including the OP in the plan and making it public, the couple had invited a police arrest, if not a tragedy, over having a unique proposal.
Blaming the OP for protecting her friend would not change that.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.