Weddings are meant to be a beautiful celebration of new love and a new future together for the happy couple and the other meaningful people in their lives.
It's not a time to meet a bunch of new people through plus-one invitations, shrugged the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor McFulia's wedding was only five weeks away, and all of the details were locked in, including the seating arrangement and catering. When her future brother-in-law wanted to bring his new girlfriend, she really didn't have anywhere to seat her.
But when her future brother-in-law threatened not to attend without his new girlfriend, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by the ultimatum.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not inviting my fiancé's brother's new girlfriend to our wedding?"
Everything was planned and ready to go for the OP's wedding.
"My fiancé (32 Male) and I (29 Female) are getting married in five weeks."
"Everything is planned, signage and prints are sent to our print shop, and we can soon check off our never-ending list of to-dos before it's finally time!"
Then the OP's future brother-in-law tried to throw a wrench in their plans.
"Last Sunday evening, we got a text from my fiancé's older brother (50+ Male), asking if his girlfriend could come to the wedding, as well."
"My fiancé answered him in a text, very friendly and cordial, that unfortunately, with such short notice until the wedding date, we can't invite more guests at this point."
"He explained it was due to our budget, and that the venue we've chosen is almost full with the guests we've already made place for."
"He ended by saying we really look forward to getting to know his girlfriend in the future, in other settings."
The future brother-in-law did not respond well to that text.
"The brother didn't respond at all that night, but we later got a text from his daughter (23 Female, my fiancé's niece), who wondered what all the drama was about!"
"She mentioned the brother was really upset and mad about our answer in regards to inviting his girlfriend."
"My fiancé and I were very surprised, as we didn't answer with any malicious intent at all! We just straight-up told him no, and our reasoning for it."
But then he took the decline even harder than the happy couple anticipated.
"The following Monday, the brother tried to call my fiancé during work."
"My fiancé didn't answer, so the brother sent a text instead, saying it's going to be hard for him to attend a wedding without his girlfriend, and that he wanted to talk about it."
"My fiancé decided to call him back the same evening. That call lasted one minute, where the brother basically repeated that it's going to be hard for him to attend without his girlfriend."
"My fiancé simply replied that he understands the brother thinks it's sad she can't attend, but that our decision stands."
"We can't invite more guests, and that goes for anyone asking about a plus-one invitation."
"The brother answered that if that's our decision, then his decision is to not attend either. End of call."
The OP and her future husband were shocked.
"So that's where we're at now. His brother is not coming; he is very angry and disappointed with us, and he feels our decision is unfair."
"For context, our invitations were sent out over a year ago, and it's clearly stated that plus-one invitations are not allowed. We've reasoned that for guests who only know me or my fiancé, they can bring a plus-one for support (and those plus-ones were included in the invitations), but for guests who know multiple other guests (friends, family, colleagues, etc.), they will be fine and still be able to have a nice time without a partner we've never met present."
"Additionally, I've never even met this girlfriend. I learned her name last Sunday evening, basically. And my fiancé quickly met her the first time last Friday (along with the rest of the family)."
"The brother and girlfriend have been dating for about four months, so it's a new relationship, as well."
"Are we really the a**holes for not inviting the brother's girlfriend?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the wedding plans were locked in.
"NTA. Your wedding is in five weeks. Signage is printed, catering is locked, and the venue is at capacity."
"It’s incredibly entitled for an over fifty-year-old man to demand a plus-one for a four-month relationship with someone neither of you really knows."
"A wedding isn't a 'get to know you' party for new girlfriends; it’s a celebration of your union."
"If he chooses to skip his own brother’s wedding over a four-month fling, that’s on him, not you." - VeloraSix
"In five weeks, they may not have time to change seating charts or rearrange the room to accommodate a different size table to make room for some random girlfriend." - Alternative_End_7174
"Asking for a plus-one five weeks before the wedding is hilariously ignorant of the situation. Dude acts as if he has never been around a wedding. NTA." - FloridaManTPA
"It's insanely rude to ask if you can bring a random guest FIVE WEEKS before a wedding when invites went out a year ago. Period." - the-mortyest-morty
"Easily NTA. You don't know this person, and the relationship is too new. Weddings are not the place to be introduced to family for the first time." - ihavetakenthebiscuit
"NTA, because they weren’t dating when you sent out invites, and you don’t have space." - thenexttimebandit
"He’s gonna feel pretty dumb in a few weeks when they break up... At least until he blames the breakup on the OP, since, you know, 'she didn't think I was committed to her because she thought I made up some crap story about not being able to bring her to an important event and show how much she meant to me.'" - JJennnnnnnnnnifer
"I’ve never met my cousin's boyfriend, but he’s been invited, and I’m excited to meet him! However, we have the space and the funds to carry him. I’m also allowing my friend to bring her sister since her husband couldn’t attend, and she didn’t know anyone else."
"That being said, if this is a new relationship and he hasn’t brought it up before, he can go kick rocks. Good luck on your wedding!" - nattyleilani
Others thought that the brother-in-law was being spoiled about bringing his girlfriend.
"NTA. He’s a 50-year-old having a toddler tantrum." - Think-Corner-3232
"NTA. Your fiancé's brother is being selfish and kind of a big baby, honestly. Don't let his tantrum get you down." - Cat_4444
"He's just trying to impress his new girlfriend. Makes me wonder if the girlfriend is the one whining about coming, and he's afraid to say no to her. I wouldn't want either of them there if that's the case." - AshamedResolution544
"NTA. It sounds like big brother isn’t used to little brother standing up for himself. He’s trying to call your bluff. If you cave, a stranger will be in your family pics."
"If he only reiterated his weak AF text message on the call because he had no reasonable argument. It’s not going to be hard for him at all unless he’s ostracised from your fiancé’s family. Or the girlfriend is making things hard for him."
"If there’s any drama, he’s the one making it." - lizfour
"NTA. He sounds like an immature person who didn’t need to be there to begin with if he’s willing to skip the whole thing over this." - tillerstrations
"NTA. Your fiancé's brother is acting like a child."
"Don't be surprised if the older brother shows up with his girlfriend and expects to be seated at the reception. If they do show, your fiancé should be prepared to tell them that, unfortunately, there is no place for either of them, and they should leave."
"This is yours and your fiancé's day, and those chuckleheads shouldn't try to ruin it, so don't let them. Don't stress about any of it and simply focus on your special day." - PortLover57
"Due to the age difference, the brothers had very different upbringings. Older is probably perpetually jealous that parents had more time and money for the younger son. He needs to get over that. NTA." - Icy_Department_1423
"NTA. If his brother is deciding this newer relationship over his brother's wedding, there is something bigger happening. Brother has issues." - MetalRoofRob
"Don't feel bad for not catering to his unreasonable demand. He's trying to manipulate you and your fiancé with this ultimatum of him not attending." - IceSeeker
"You're clearly NTA for so, so many reasons."
"Your soon-to-be BIL reminds me a lot of my dad. I love the guy, but he's a twice-divorced hopeless romantic in his 60s who prioritizes his relationships (which never last beyond a year) above everything."
"He insisted on bringing his girlfriend of two months to my grandma's 95th birthday party, despite my grandma hating her (with good reason) and asking him not to. And of course, they broke up like a month after the party, and now she's in all of our photos from the event."
"Honestly, it might be a blessing in disguise if the brother isn't there... either way, wishing you a happy and beautiful wedding day!" - aiweiyei
While the subReddit could understand wanting to bring a date to a wedding, especially if it's someone they felt serious about, they also understood that there was little the happy couple could do, now that the wedding plans were locked in.
Plus, since the girlfriend was so new and virtually a stranger to them, it didn't make much sense to invite her, even if they could.
