College Student Offends Muslim Roommate By Not Showering After Sex Before Hanging Out With Them

College is an interesting time for experimentation.

So many people discover who they are in college.

Sexuality is a big college freedom for many to explore.

But not everyone is going to be cool with the journey.

Redditor Ok_Abrocoma_561 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for going into my muslim suitemates room (19F[emale]s) after sex without showering?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"Throwaway. I'm (F18) in college, in a double suite situation, which means it's my roommate and me in one room and my suitemates (twins, 19F) in the other, and we share a bathroom."

"I was very close to my suitemates, and often came into their room to study and hang out."

"They did the same but a little less, as their room had more blankets/floor things and my roommate wasn't close friends with us."

"I recently had sex for the first time with my girlfriend at their dorm, about a 15-minute walk away."

"I wiped down and walked back home, and on the way, my suitemate texted that they were watching 'Star Wars,' and I should join."

"So I just joined them on the floor on their blankets/rug and watched the movie."

"I did not tell them I had sex then, as a different friend who I was not as close to was there as well, and I felt awkward."

"I brought it up two days later when a different friend made a sex joke, and it felt like an easy way to bring it up."

"One of them reacted fine to it, and when I mentioned it to the other, she said that that was against their religion and a big deal, and I shouldn't have done that."

"I said sorry, and they closed their door to talk about it."

"They said they had to wash everything, so I gave them $10 for laundry, which they protested, and I insisted on, apologizing again."

"I apologized multiple times over a week, and got them brownies and left a note apologizing again."

"Now they are no longer talking to me."

"We live together, so this is slightly awkward."

"After the note, one of them said they owed me a response and said they were..."

"1) Hurt, I hadn't told them before, and..."

" 2) That they would need space."

"When I asked if it was just till the end of the school year (we are not living together next year), she went ehhhh and insisted on giving the snacks back."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA? Was there something else I should have done?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA, I don't know what your roommate is talking about, but there is no Islamic ruling to my knowledge that supports what she/they said (I am a muslim)."

"It doesn't make sense that if another person had intimacy, they should shower before sitting in a spot."

"Especially as a non-muslim."

"It is not as if you were sitting there naked 😅."

"I feel like it is more of a cultural thing, since some mix that with religion, unfortunately."

"If it is not about you sitting there, I don't know what it could be about."

"Nevertheless, they shouldn't force that upon you, and the way they handle it is quite rude in my opinion."

"I am sorry they treat you in that manner, even after you went above and beyond to apologize for something you shouldn't have to in the first place." ~ XPandabear56

"I second this."

"Also a Muslim."

"Also have no idea what they are talking about, but it seems like they have no idea either, since they had to talk about it themselves."

"Also, I’m willing to accept the brownies on behalf of Muslims and will make sure they don’t go to waste." ~ AdChoice5251

"I don't think you need to tell your roommates about your sexual activity."

"That's private."

"I think they are using their religion as an excuse for shaming you, and that's wrong of them. NTA." ~ Big_Lynx119

"I had a roommate who did this."

"She was Hindu and didn’t eat red meat."

"Once our other roommate accidentally used her bowl to eat something with beef in it and apologized and asked to buy her a new one, but she made a huge deal about it like this and guilt-tripped the roommate."

"Meanwhile, she would leave her dirty dishes in the sink for days while we defrosted beef in the sink, washed the dishes we used to eat red meat on, etc."

"Basically, she only cared about cross-contamination when she could use it to manipulate us, but not when it inconvenienced her." ~ mochimmy3

"OP, I strongly suspect the issue isn't with you simply having sex and then going into their room - it's potentially just good old-fashioned homophobia."

"Islam is unfortunately quite a homophobic religion if you take a traditionalist view (not saying that all Muslims are homophobes, to be clear! Just looking at strict interpretations of religious texts and customs), and this bleeds into the culture in many Muslim-majority countries."

"Did they know that you were queer before this all happened?"

"Given that you've made every effort to apologize and rectify the situation, but they're basically stonewalling you, it does sound like there's a deeper issue at play here."

"Hell, it might even be the polyamory aspect that they take issue with - my fiancée and I are poly, and I've met plenty of people (religious and not) who clearly didn't approve."

"In any case, if they don't want to celebrate the fact that you're in a happy relationship with multiple (presumably nice) women, f**k 'em."

"That's not how a good friend acts." ~ TaralasianThePraxic

"Honestly, OP is living her best life."

"But I'm wondering whether this information might be what caused the situation to blow up so much... like, not only sex before marriage (which for some religions is a 'sin'), but also homosexual/polyamorous sex."

"Anyway, OP is NTA, it's sad her suitemates are this close-minded though." ~ Lyne_s

"NTA, it’s not a Muslim thing (as in, there’s no actual basis in Islam for this), it’s just a weird hang-up of hers."

"You didn’t disrespect her religion, you just found out that she’s gone quite a few steps past religion into 'ew cooties.'" ~ Justhereforthis1post

"As a Muslim, agreed."

"You can’t pray without showering after sex, but you definitely can hang out/do whatever until then."

"It’s probably a cultural interpretation, and even then, they’re being ridiculous about it."

"It’s one thing to ask you to pay for the laundry they had to do, it’s another to cut you off completely when they didn’t explain what they’re comfortable with/this being a boundary. NTA." ~ AreYeFantastical

"You're doing too much."

"The laundry was kind, but you didn't really have anything to apologize for here, and this amount of groveling wouldn't be appropriate or necessary even if you did."

"You were wearing clothes, so the blankets are clean, and if her religious observance extends to your behaviors in her space, then it's good sense to TELL YOU that."

"This is entirely on her."

"So NTA but like, stand your ground slightly. "

"Spines are useful." ~ Exilicauda

"NTA, it does not sound like this was a boundary that they had clearly communicated, and there was really no way to know about it."

"Like any religion, different Muslims believe different things and are at different levels of observance, and if they had rules about being in their room/using their stuff, they should have made that clear."

"In this instance, THEY invited you over."

"What were you supposed to do, tell them you had sex and ask if it was still okay?"

"You behaved very respectfully and appropriately apologetic afterward."

"It seems really unreasonable that they can’t accept that you simply didn’t know this was an issue for them and that if you had known, you wouldn’t have done it (the going in their room, not the sex)." ~ VariegatedPlumage

"Um, what?!"

"NTA in any capacity."

"I’m a Muslim, and I have no idea what they’re on."

"They literally made up whatever it is they’re telling you."

"Unfortunately, many, many Muslims conflate their cultural beliefs with their religious beliefs, and most of them don’t even know the difference."

"You did absolutely nothing wrong to them; they sound like a**holes."

"You should definitely let them know what hypocrite they are and how un-Islamic they are being for how they’re treating you."

"I’m sorry you’re dealing with this ignorance." ~ Thisistoture

"NTA. There's truly nothing you could've done, and this is unreasonable."

"I don't think they're a-holes either, though."

"I mean. I'm a practicing Muslim."

"And we have to keep our surroundings clean to pray, or it won't count (meaning that besides having to wash it out, they have to redo namaz), so I do get being upset."

"But we're supposed to be privately upset about it and not make a deal about this clearly personal thing with someone who didn't do anything wrong."

"And you have to make compromises when you're in a shared living space."

"Like... my cousin who was visiting threw up on this rug that we sometimes pray on, and we had to scrub it a lot."

"Even then, when it directly messed it up, we didn't hold it against him." ~ Objective_Tiger7725

Reddit is with you, OP.

You be you.

Building boundaries with your roommates can be difficult, but here's hoping you can all sort it out.

Good Luck.