Whether you become best friends with your neighbors or barely exchange two words, you always want to be on good terms.
After all, no one wants to run the risk of an awkward or unpleasant encounter when stepping out their door.
Unfortunately, some people find themselves saddled with neighbors who will complain about almost literally anything and everything.
Redditor mikewazowski_0912 and their husband had recently begun to get a series of noise complaints from one of their neighbors.
After sitting down and talking with this neighbor, it seemed like a happy solution was made.
Until she threw one last request at the original poster (OP) and her husband.
A request the OP was not at all willing to oblige.
Wondering if this was unfair, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"Would I Be The A**Hole (WIBTAH) if I didn't text my neighbour every time I left the house?"
The OP explained why she and her husband had finally had enough of their neighbor's complaining:
"So my husband and I (30 F[emale] & 32 M[ale]) have lived in a block of townhouses for 5 years now."
"There are also multiple townhouses on either side of the property (a very densely populated area)."
"All in all, we have 11 sets of neighbors spread across 3 subdivided properties, and we get along well with everyone."
"We are quiet neighbors, pay our bills on time, and maintain our property well."
"Recently, we have had multiple complaints from a one particular neighbor about my husband's car being too loud."
"Over the course of a month she sent her landlord, then her mother multiple times to ask us if we can make his car more quiet and accusing my husband of revving his car in the driveway at 0530 in the morning (he normally leaves the house at 0800)."
"My husband does drive a sports car; it's his pride and joy."
"It's not especially loud, however, and it's unmodified."
"He doesn't sit in the driveway making a racket and leaves quickly."
"I am a night shift nurse, and I manage to sleep through his comings and goings, so I am sure it's not that loud."
"After the third visit from someone representing this neighbor, we went and visited her ourselves."
"She broke down crying, explaining that she has chronic anxiety and health problems, and that she gets startled by his car, causing her to have panic attacks."
"We felt terrible and offered to have my husband start his car with the garage door down."
"We tested this idea she said it helped and she was less startled."
"She even offered to help us pay for soundproofing for our garage, which we are researching."
"This morning, I received a text from her saying she now can't relax because she doesn't know *when* my husband is going to start his car."
"She said that she's very anxious and asked us to text her whenever we leave the house."
"I don't mind starting our cars with the garage door down, or even paying for acoustic panels, but I don't think we should have to share our comings and goings."
"AITAH for not telling my neighbor when I'm leaving the house?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that it was not the OP's job to alert her neighbor about all their comings and goings.
While some did sympathize with the condition of the OP's neighbor, everyone else agreed that her issues were hers to solve, and should not get the OP and her husband involved in her problems:
"NTA."
"I wouldn't have entertained any of this."
"It's a car."
"She can soundproof her own place."- UncomfortableBike975
"If what she is hearing at 5.30 is not your partner who is leaving at 8.00, then this is not your problem, issue or worry."
"She, not you, she needs to find out who is leaving at 5.30 and deal with them."
"If she is making it up with the times, then it is still not your problem."- Organic-Mix-9422
"Tell her to buy earplugs and wear them in the morning."
"This is insane."- DLeck
"Time for her to soundproof her own house."- Igotanewpen
"If someone wanted me to text them every time my husband was leaving the house, I would start to believe that they had ulterior motives."- Sensitive_Tough2751
"She needs some therapy."
"Do not text her, you're being polite enough already."- CatCharacter848
"As someone with debilitating PTSD and clinical anxiety."
"Your neighbor's mental illness is not her fault, but it is her responsibility to manage, not yours."
"Expecting you to cater to her disability every day of your lives is simply unreasonable and unfair to you and your husband."
"NTA, seeing as she has offered to soundproof your garage, maybe you could suggest that she soundproof her own property."
"If she refuses and continues to harass you, then you should file for harassment yourselves."- BenjaminDover02
"Starting an engine with garage door down is how people have died of carbon-monoxide poisoning and under no circumstances should you do it."
"You may think it solves the issue of an annoying neighbor, but your own safety should come first."
"People having cars is what living in modern society is, this is not your problem at all."- nesundjer
"You are NTA and you should not message her every time he leaves."
"That's creepy."- Suspicious-Grand9781
"Your neighbour has severe anxiety."
"Everyone here is right that you should not cater to her."
"I just want to reassure you that starting the car with the garage door closed, texting her when you’re going to leave, and soundproofing will not help her."
"These actions will not decrease her anxiety, because her anxiety actually has nothing to do with you or your car; she is simply fixating on it at this time."
"Enabling her is actually worse for her in the long run—it will only reinforce avoidant behaviors."
"Also, please do not start your car in a closed garage."
"Carbon monoxide is no joke."- Curly-help-plz
"If she's willing to pay to soundproof your garage, why doesn't she just soundproof her own home?"
"That would make more sense to me."- Petentro
"NAH, if she's that much of a nervous wreck, she should be living in an isolation tank."
"Is she sure the sudden, traumatic notification from the text won't also trigger her anxiety?"
"You've already bent over backward to accommodate ridiculous requests."
"She needs earplugs and/or new medication."- EnvironmentEntire201
"You should not be starting the car in a closed garage."- andlor9
"NTA."
"Your neighbor needs therapy."
"It isn’t reasonable to expect catering to their anxieties all the time."
"There’ll always be something that induces anxiety."- ActualHope
"If she's adamant someone is revving the car at 05:30, and that triggers her, it's obviously not your husband so why is she not taking it up with whoever that is?"- ZookeepergameNo7151
"NTA as someone with generalized anxiety disorder, her anxiety is hers to manage."
"It is on her to come up with coping strategies or to go to a damn therapist for help with this issue. " You and your husband are not required to modify your lives for her comfort."- jbarneswilson
"YWNBTA."
"You were a good neighbor and made a reasonable accommodation for this person."
"What she is asking of you now is unreasonable."
"Politely tell her that you are sympathetic to her condition, but starting the car in a closed garage is the most you can do."-PsychicPopsicles
"Text her to say he is leaving at say 6 pm, but don’t actually start the car, then the next day ask if she heard anything."- Able-Brother-7953
"NTAH."
"She needs to manage her own anxiety; it's not the job of everyone else to manage it for her."
"You've already met her halfway, despite her being a jerk, lying about your vehicular habits because she can't take responsibility for her mental health needs."
"If she can't handle living in a townhouse situation, she needs to figure out alternative living options, like a single home set back from other properties & neighbors."
"I'm sure she'll have a million excuses why she can't, and some of them might be valid, but she can't keep harassing her neighbors to bend them to her overly needy needs."
"Other people have a life to live."- Direness9
Everyone is entitled to peace and quiet, as well as privacy.
Understandably, the OP's neighbor doesn't want to be constantly disrupted by noise, but it would be almost equally disruptive for the OP and her husband to have to warn her every time they leave their house.
As many have pointed out, did the OP's neighbor not take into consideration how unsettling it would be for someone to know their every time their house was sitting empty?...
