American gym culture has grown from mostly men hanging out at the local YMCA or boxing gym post-WWII into a massive, multi-billion-dollar commercial industry blending physical self-improvement, social status, and entertainment. With the introduction of yoga studios in the late 1960s and aerobics in the 1980s, gyms began opening up to women.
Gym culture now ranges from exclusive spa boutique studios to generic 24-hour mega-chains. In the digital age, gym going is heavily influenced by social media.
With people from all walks of life hitting the gym, a certain informal etiquette formed. But not everyone is aware of the unwritten rules. That's why it behooves gym owners and operators to write the rules for their gym down and display them prominently to avoid awkward situations.
A gym employee dealing with an etiquette breach that's making everyone uncomfortable turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Gullible-Cricket7974 asked:
"WIBTA if I told the woman at my gym that she moans when she runs?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Some context: I (22 year old female) have been working out at my current gym for almost 5 years and have been employed there for 2 1/2 years. I have moved in rank pretty quickly here and have a somewhat managerial position."
"This woman (late 50s or early 60s) has been working out here probably longer than I have, but only visits in the summer time with her husband. She’s a very nice person and a committed gym-goer, but she runs on the treadmill for 30-40 minutes and moans the entire time."
"And when I say she moans, I promise I am not being dramatic. It legit sounds like someone is playing porn in here when she’s running."
"I believe she has headphones in, but I’m not sure because she wears her hair down and has pretty long hair. I'm also not the only person who notices and who it bothers."
"I have had many people bring it up awkwardly and even my boss has said something about it. Of course, no one wants to say anything because of how uncomfortable it is, but I legit can’t take it."
"The sound makes me physically uncomfortable and I have to walk away from my post just to feel OK. We’re also a small, family-owned gym, so the rules are pretty basic and aren’t posted anywhere, but we definitely don’t appreciate unnecessary noises."
"I don’t know what to do because my boss doesn’t seem to want to say anything and obviously I don’t either, but I’m at my breaking point. Hearing this sound makes me want to die and I can’t express that enough!"
"Should I say something and has anyone else experienced something similar?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided there were no a**holes here (NAH).
"Go up to her, mid-moan, and ask her if she’s OK. When she asks why you’re asking, tell her she was making odd noises that sounded like she was in distress. She can’t be mad at you if you look like you’re coming from a place of concern." ~ not-the-name-i-chose
"Phrasing it as 'noises of pain, struggle, or discomfort' is probably a way safer option than implying any kind of sexual side." ~ spaghettifiasco
"True. Just make sure the way you phrase your concern is professional as much as possible. So she wouldn't take offense. The tone is very important here." ~ IceSeeker
"I agree with this. Probably don't use the word 'moan' when you talk to her." ~ snorkie
"And they could very well come from discomfort. When I'm in severe pain, I make pain sounds that could be interpreted as moaning that way if someone didn't know what was going on." ~ DianeJudith
"This conversation kinda reminds me of the baby shower game where you get pictures of women’s faces and you have to guess whether they’re in labor or a porn video. The line between pain and pleasure is razor thin, I guess." ~ HedgieObsessor
"Audio record her and then put it on a drive and tape it to the locker with typed note, in a sealed envelope with the note, 'dear ma’am this is how you sound, and it’s disrupting others please stop or go else where, signed everyone'."
"I am JOKING!"
"The 'are you OK' is a question not an accusation or something to be misinterpreted or twisted. That’s so uncomfortable, how does she not know, or care ~212Aurora
"It's the same thing with those gym bros grunting like they're full on sh*tting their pants where it's like... Dude are you okay? Did you tear something?"
"I don't know, it's just inconsiderate, if you're gonna be that loud and weird just work out in your garage or something. Ultimately you're subjecting the people around you to something that they didn't ask for or consent to."
"If you don't know how to behave in a public space like a normal person, I don't give a sh*t about politely and privately making them feel embarrassed. Some have no situational awareness until they're directly told." ~ dikicker
"I used this exactly at work once. I work in a hotel (though this was my previous hotel) as a night auditor. The lobby was a four-story atrium, with rooms directly attached to it on floors 2-4. So if there was enough noise in any one of those 24 or so rooms, it could be heard in the entire lobby, as it acted as an echo chamber."
"It's why I had to make sure no one was hanging out in the lobby and making noise past 10pm. It also funneled noise directly down the hall."
"Well one night, some guy comes in with a woman and they go up to their room. Barely noticed. 10 minutes later, I hear what sounds like screaming or moaning. At first, I wasn't sure, but it sure sounds like what you think it is. I could hear it from the back office, so anyone awake in a lobby room can probably hear it in their rooms too."
"It goes on for a few minutes while I try to figure out where it's coming from, but it stops before I can. 45 minutes later it starts up again and I'm able to figure out which room it's coming from, third floor lobby, right above the front desk. It's loud, so I can't let it keep going on, but I don't want to just knock and go 'stop having sex!' So I knock frantically, and ask 'Hello? Is everyone okay in there? I heard screaming. I just want to make sure no is hurt'."
"No response, but the moaning stops. I wait for a minute and no one answers the door, so I went back to the front desk. 10 minutes later, the lady I saw go up with the guy earlier comes back down, her fur coat open so I can see she's pretty scantily dressed underneath."
"She waits around the lobby for a few minutes, looking at her phone, before a car pulls up and she goes and gets in it. I checked the guy's reservation and it was a comped room from the local casino. So she was a prostitute making everyone in the hotel their audience."
"But yeah, I found the best way to minimize the awkwardness is to pretend you don't hear it as a sexual thing and just act like a concerned good Samaritan." ~ vonsnootingham
"The problem with this is she will just say she is fine and keep on doing it." ~ hotcapicola
"NAH, since many other people have complained about it, I think you're within your right to say something to her. She's probably unaware, and even if she's not, everyone has a responsibility to keep communal spaces like gyms relatively quiet so as not to bother other people."
"I do think you need to clear it with your boss first though, so that if she complains to someone about it you won't get in trouble.Also! You don't have to phrase it as 'moaning' if you actually talk to her, you could just tell her that other patrons have filed complaints that she's making an excessive amount of noise."
"That should be enough to get the idea across without having to tell her that it sounds sexually explicit, since that could be perceived by her as you being a creep." ~ cowboythesis
After getting the feedback they requested, OP provided a response:
"I did not expect this post to get so much traction. This was my first time posting on Reddit and this was lowkey way too much lol. I appreciate all the well thought out advice and honest feedback."
"I most likely won’t say anything to her directly, but will inform my boss about how much of an issue it really is and ask him to finally handle it. To those saying to use headphones, I’m at work and have to able to hear phone calls or knocks at the door."
"I’ll also make sure we get rules posted somewhere so that this can be taken care of better in the future."
"To all those who made weird or rude comments, please touch grass and socialize with real people."
"Thank you Reddit for what you do, but I’m never posting again!"
OP got their answer and plenty of advice. How they handle the situation from here is up to them.
