Guy Called Out By Girlfriend For 'Crossing Line' By Helping Out Woman Doing Squats At Gym

New relationships are an exciting phase that's not without some challenges as the lovers involved discover more about each other.

One man was conflicted about his actions at the gym when his girlfriend arrived late to work out together, which was a shared ritual between them.

After being confronted on a specific incident, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and sought judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor throwraie asked:

"AITA for spotting a girl at the gym while my gf was there?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I am 20, my gf is 23, and we started dating this 5 months ago. We usually work out together, but she was running late from class, so I started without her."

"While there, I noticed a girl struggling with her squat form as her knees were bending in unevenly, and her back wasn't straight, so I gave her a tip to avoid injury. After that, I went back to my routine."

The OP continued:

"A few minutes later, she asked me to spot her for a heavy set. Since the gym was literally empty other than us, I agreed, thinking it was just common sense to help someone lifting heavy."

"I was standing pretty close to her to make sure she wouldn't get hurt, and we ended up chatting a little after the set. I made a few jokes about her form, which made her laugh, but I didn't think much of it as it felt like a normal gym interaction."

But the OP was alone in his opinion.

"However, my gf arrived right at the time, and saw us like that. She didn't say anything at the time, but later, she was really upset. She told me it looked like I was being too friendly and that helping her with her form and spotting her like that when she wasn't there crossed a line."

"She also said I shouldn't be that close to another girl in the gym, especially while joking around."

"I tried explaining that I was just helping someone and didn't think it was inappropriate, but she's still mad about it."

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH - No A**holes Here

Redditors weighed in with their thoughts on the situation.

"You probably could have solved this by waving your girlfriend over and introducing her as your girlfriend to the person you were spotting."

"NAH, but relationships take communication, and it's up to you now, rather than arguing your point, to ask her what you could do in the future to mitigate her fears."

"That said, if she's irrationally jealous, that could also be a red flag. But typically jealousy has some basis, whether it's her own insecurities or your behaviors, or a combination of both."

"ETA: what would you feel like if you saw her standing close to another man in the gym, smiling and laughing and she ignored introducing you when you arrived?" – NakedLifeCoach

"Yes, you can interact with girls. But when you do, make sure that your gf feels seen when you do. Insecurities may crop up (especially if she hasn't been treated well in past relationships) if you focus too much on another woman, even if it's just to help."

"It's not your job to fix this behavior in your girlfriend. But a good partner steps up when they see their SO struggling to cope." – Ok-Panic-9083

'... is this not already irrationally jealous? Let's reverse the scenario.'

"A woman is in the gym. She is doing squats alone and struggling when another man comes over and gives her advice to improve her form and reduce the risk of injury. Then she asks him to spot for her since she is about to put even more weight on for the next set and she doesn't want to get injured."

"They have a conversation and it's nice, relaxed, but not flirty. She does home and tells her husband about it. He gets upset he tells her that she was being too friendly and that getting help him with her form and letting him spot for her like that when he wasn't there crossed a line. he also said she shouldn't be that close to another gut in the gym, especially while joking around."

"She tried explaining that she just needed help with her set and didn't think it was inappropriate, but he's still mad about it."

"Literally EVERYONE would call this man jealous, controlling, insecure, and toxic. We know that this behavior is unnacceptable from men, so why do you try to pretend like there are scenarios where it's okay for women to behave like this?"

"From what it sounds like, he basically is not allowed to speak to women unless he girlfriend is there." – SmartRefrigerator751

"Your scenario is not actually what happened though, this was a case of his gf being in the same room and observing an interaction, which she then tried to communicate with OP about. It sounds like they both failed in communicating, and the gf could have also marched over and introduced herself as well."

"As stated in my original comment, irrational jealousy could be a red flag, but it also could be a natural jealousy she felt in the situation, which could have been ameliorated by OP doing things a bit differently and/or communicating about it differently afterwards, as could the gf. But the OP is the one asking the question, so I replied to OP."

"Let's face it, we all could use some lessons on self-confidence and communication skills." – NakedLifeCoach

"Nta. But do you think it would be ok for you to walk into your girlfriend being very friendly and helpful with another guy while you weren't there? If you are then you may reconsider your relationship as there seems to be vastly different boundaries."

"If you stay in this relationship without negotiating this issue, you may feel very trapped and controlled and she will constantly feel undervalued too." – Meowowowowowmeow

"Yep then go talk to her! Unlike most comments here, I don't agree it's unreasonably jealous, I don't think anyone would feel good seeing that however she can react better."

"Comfort her, assure her and talk to her about letting you know via text or a safe word the next time she feels this way."

"But the best way to defuse this would just be introducing your girlfriend to girl. 'Hi this is my girlfriend and (this is the other girl)…' emphasis on letting the other party know this is your girlfriend. Not just your girlfriends name but her role in your life😝" – Meowowowowowmeow

"I would say NTA but I've always found that when someone has too many excuses, he knows he was flirting."

"How often do you spot other guys and make jokes with them?" - BucketsAndBrackets

"morally i dont think its wrong to help someone that obviously needs it. in saying that, i know if i walked in on my bf doing that id feel some type of way about it. not bc i think hes doing anything or that hes wrong at all but just bc idk it looks off and itd stress me a bit. i think NAH overall." – tal_______

"NTA. My husband spots other people at the gym all the time. Both male and female. He's 74 and a competitive weightlifter. He's been lifting for more than 50 years and would think it a terrible breach of gym etiquette to leave a novice struggling with a lift." – AussieKoala-2795

"Slight YTA because the way you present the situation sounds like you started it by getting involved in the other girl's training (would you have done it if it were a guy) and later getting more acquainted by accepting to train her and make it last being too friendly knowing your GF was coming."

"You didn't mention training with your girlfriend after, making it sound like she trained alone and you ignored her as if you didn't know each other."

"Some girls at the gyms are also not here for training but for attention."

"Maybe that's why she's upset." – Cannie5

"NTA if you genuinely didn't mean anything by it."

"But it looks like you need to have a conversation with your girlfriend about boundaries and expectations. Being jealous over an innocent interaction and demanding that you avoid women in the gym can be red flags."

"However, if she has other justified reasons to be upset that made your interaction with the other woman at the gym suspicious, then you need to talk about it before things get messier." – charmer143

"ESH."

"For lack of proper communication."

"Your helping a random girl would be fine if you are single. But your girlfriend is not wrong that it looks like flirting and she is not wrong for feeling uncomfortable."

"You also admitted in a later comment that you would feel uncomfortable in the reverse situation if your girlfriend was helping another guy at the gym."

"You both need to communicate better." – laxnut90

Overall, Redditors remained all over the place with their thoughts regarding the situation.

And while a majority of them thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) in the situation, they did question how he would've felt if the roles were reversed in the situation.

Based on what he might think, Redditors suggested he evaluate their relationship to determine if they could overcome other challenges that may lie ahead.