Weight is an extremely personal and, often, painful subject.
The ways we choose to handle our weight struggles are equally as personal.
What happens, then, when someone we trust takes the choice away from us?
That was the question plaguing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Acceptable-Wing3656 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for clarity.
“AITA for yelling at my husband for throwing out all of my diet food?“
She began with the background.
“I (29 Female) struggled with weight my entire life, I weighed over 200 when I graduated high school and it went up during college.”
“I did not grow up in the best family life, my parents worked crazy hours and the only food that they could feed my brother and I was junk and fast food.”
“After I graduated from college, I decided to join a gym and eat healthier.”
“I lost most of the weight that I gained throughout the years and plan on keeping it off.”
“One of my friends suggested a diet plan that provides breakfast, lunch and dinner meals that are portioned sized.”
“There are also snacks and desserts that are provided.”
“The meals come frozen, but once heated up, they are absolutely delicious.”
“The plan is not cheap, but I do feel that a structured diet is best for me.”
“When we go out to eat, I do order a meal that I enjoy.”
“My husband tried one of the dinner meals and found it to be disgusting.”
“He thinks that I am just wasting money on the food and could save money by purchasing meals from the store.”
Everything was fine until…
“I came home one evening after work and saw all my meals opened in the garbage bin.”
“When my husband came home, I started yelling at him that he should not have thrown away good food.”
“He looks at me and says I did a good thing for you, now you can start eating regular non-processed foods.”
“He thinks I should not have reacted the way I did, and he was only trying to help save me money.”
OP was left feeling conflicted.
“AITA for yelling at my husband for throwing out all of my diet food?”
Having explained the situation, she turned to Reddit for outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out the hypocrisy.
“Husband: Takes perfectly good food and throws it out.”
” ‘Also Husband: ‘Quit wasting money!’ “
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ NobodysBabyDaddy
Others pointed out that this was problematic behavior on husband’s part.
“But also, big red flag OP 🚩 After all, the diet plan was your decision and, I assume, paid by yourself, and yet he goes out of his way to throw your food away.”
“Where is the respect for boundaries and others?”
“Very inconsiderate, rude, and controlling of his part; your life, your choice.”
“OP, you should really reconsider if you see yourself continue living with him in the future and whether this behaviour doesn’t signal or link with other issues.” ~ Crimson_King_27
“Honestly, OP it sounds like he doesn’t want you to lose weight.”
“He wants you to stay the way you are so you won’t build confidence and self-esteem.”
“That way you won’t leave his sorry a*s.”
“He’s trying to bring you down not build you up.”
“I hope you see that this is toxic behavior.”
“Now go get his credit card and order your replacement food.” ~ sable1970
There were warnings…
“He sounds like one of those people who want to control their girlfriend into gaining weight so they don’t leave them.”
“Has he ever tampered with your food?”
“Has he ever wanted you to eat extra fatty or unhealthy food instead of healthy stuff?”
“Man like this usually cover their mean ways by saying ‘you don’t need the gym, you can eat more, don’t look at calories, one more burger won’t hurt you’ and stuff like that.”
“It’s covered up so good you’ll think he’s complimenting you when in reality it’s the complete opposite.”
“Don’t wanna be dramatic just watch his behavior a bit closer from now on.”
“I could be totally wrong here but your post and comments do sound like he wants to trap you in this relationship.” ~ Negative-Swordfish-9
…and shared stories.
“My ex was like this.”
“If I tried to go to the gym he insisted on tagging along, and once I was 10 minutes in, essentially my warm-up, he had already sprinted as hard as he could push on the treadmill and insisted we had to go home because he felt sick and had to puke.”
“Once I started a very restricted diet, he said he would support me and not bring temptation into the house, as he shoved hostess snack cake after snack cake into his maw.”
“All while assuring me that every time he went out for errands women were hitting him up and looking for a ring, but don’t worry, he totally didn’t notice their intentions, he was too busy supporting my efforts to lose weight.”
“NTA OP, your husband is trying to control you.”
“If it was about the money, he wouldn’t have tossed the food out to make you buy more food, and spend more money.”
“If you don’t feel good about yourself and confident, you’ll never be a flight risk for him.” ~ PouncingFox
There was even an itemized list.
“Your body, your food, your choice.”
“Buying fresh unprocessed food from the grocery store is cheaper, partly because it takes more preparation to be ready to eat. Is he volunteering to do the cooking?”
“If he wants to save money, he should not have done it by throwing out food that was already paid for.” ~ Top-Goal-1917
Weight, and the control of it, are very personal processes and everyone deserves to make their own choices about their own bodies.
Choice is a fundamental part of life, be wary of anyone who tries to take those choices away from you.
Particularly, though, be cautious of anyone so blind to your boundaries that they insist on doing your choice-making for you.