Woman Balks After Boyfriend Asks Her To Switch To All-Women Gym So He Feels More 'Secure'

Content Warning: Discussions of Abusive Relationships

Let's all take a moment to give a complimentary eye-roll to the people who are too insecure to be in a relationship.

Because there's a huge difference between being jealous about a boyfriend hitting on another girl in front of his girlfriend, and a woman working out in a gym where men can see her working out, clarified the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor _Eloranyx was minding her own business after developing a steady routine at the co-ed gym she'd been attending for the past year.

But when her boyfriend expressed concern that other men could watch her work out and asked her to switch to an all-women's gym to feel more 'secure' about her workouts, the Original Poster (OP) pointedly said no, much to his dismay.

She asked the sub:

"AITAH for refusing to switch to an all-women's gym?"

The OP's new boyfriend spoke up to her about her attending a co-ed gym.

"I (25 Female) have been dating Ben (27 Male) for three months."

"Recently, Ben started expressing discomfort with me going to my regular co-ed gym."

"He said that it's normal for women with boyfriends to go to all-women gyms to avoid attention from other men and to make their partners feel more secure."

"He pointed out that his ex-girlfriend swapped gyms when they started dating."

But the OP enjoyed the routine that she had in place.

"I've been going to this gym for about a year, and I have a great routine, a supportive group of workout buddies, and I feel comfortable there."

"The idea of switching gyms just to make my boyfriend feel better doesn't sit right with me."

"I believe trust and respect are crucial in a relationship, and this feels like a lack of trust on his part."

"I tried explaining my perspective to him, but he insisted that his request was reasonable and that I was being inconsiderate of his feelings."

The OP decided to reach out for a third-party opinion.

"Since we can't agree, we've come to Reddit for opinions as we don't want to involve our families and friends."

"So, Reddit, am I wrong for refusing to switch to an all-women gym to make my boyfriend more comfortable?"

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

It took no time at all for some Redditors to start dissecting the boyfriend's word choice.

"WHO said it's normal for women with a boyfriend to go to an all-girls gym? is there a discount for that or something!? NTA." - kissklub

"The implication that every 'normal' woman going to a normal gym is single is nuts."

"Plus, I cannot imagine how inconvenient it may be. It's not like female gyms are everywhere." - DayShiftDave

"I'm disgusted. Women going to co-ed (totally normal!) gyms are going there for their health, not for dates."

"And is anyone else wondering what was the straw that broke the ex's back? If she was willing to switch gyms for him, what even crazier request did she say, 'nope, I'm out' to?" - Diligent-Variation51

"Honestly, it seems a little controlling. If you're happy at your gym and not doing anything wrong, there's no reason to switch. His insecurity is his problem, not yours." - prettyy-sofiaaa

"All my friends and I are irritated and annoyed when our workouts are interrupted by men wanting to chat or offer advice, even when it's neither wanted nor needed."

"Most women are not at the gym to pick up men, contrary to what some men seem to believe." - Petty_Crocker71

"This whole conversation puts the 'man' in 'manipulation.' Honestly, OP, I wouldn't say yes to him for anything. NTA." - BreakfastinBedlam

Others agreed and encouraged the OP to reconsider her options.

"If it was normal for women to switch to all-women's gyms when they are in a relationship, there would be a heck of a lot more all-women's gyms around, especially in the suburbs. Like, my county doesn't even have one, and it's as suburbia as it can get."

"NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling m*ron. You can do better." - Good_Focus2665

"NTA. Controlling where you work out is a major red flag. His request shows a lack of trust and respect for your choices. If he doesn't trust you now, three months in, it's unlikely that this issue will simply fade away."

"Stand your ground and prioritize your comfort and well-being. It's his problem to address, not yours by changing gyms." - eccentric_3

"She has been in a longer relationship with her gym. She can do better, and I ain't talking about the gym membership." - samantha802

"If he thinks women go to co-ed gyms to get hit on, how much you wanna bet his gym behavior is skeevy himself?"

"No, you don't need to sacrifice your health routine to appease his fragile ego and insecurities. No, that is not a 'normal thing women do.'"

"He is using his insecurity as an excuse to be controlling."

"If you were to tolerate it, it won't be the last thing he 'needs' you to change 'out of respect' or to 'help his insecurities.' This is a frog in a heating pot of water stuff." - Free-Initiative-7957

"At only three months into the relationship (I'm glad you're finding out so soon, OP), he's telling on himself."

"I've always gone to co-ed gyms and I've never encountered any creepy guys. I know they exist, but it's not a guarantee of attending a mixed-gender gym. If this guy thinks it's a ubiquitous feature of gyms, I suspect it's because he is the ubiquitous feature."

"Most people, men and women, just want to get their workout in and move on." - Carbonatite

"'Avoid attention from other men'... well, there is the first red flag. It starts with the gym. Then the beach. Then what to wear in public in the future."

"It is not your job to avoid having a life and contact with other people to make him feel secure. Run!" - PudeIdesTodes91

"Does he also expect you to work in an all-women profession? You must also, very soon, be expected to wear modest clothes since any show of skin attracts an unwanted male gaze. So much care, it must be suffocating." - andhakaran

"NTA. You've been dating for three months and he's already lying to you about what women in relationships do to try to control you."

"I've never once in my life heard that it's 'normal' for women to start going to all-women gyms once they're in a relationship."

"If he's so worried you'll be harassed by other men, he should get off his a** and go to the gym with you." - strangeloop414

"(Red) flag on the play… Women don't join an all-women gym once they're in a relationship, nor do spouses generally desire this."

"From the sound of it, your boyfriend seems very insecure, which insecurity translates into controlling behavior. Basically, your boyfriend asks you to give up the friendships you built and the safe space that your gym represents to you and that is unhealthy."

"Honestly, I would reconsider this relationship sooner than later. Best of luck!" - No-Connection-5129

"How about make yourself more comfortable and get a boyfriend who isn't an insecure little boy? Only three months in and he's starting to try to control you. Imagine what he'll be demanding of you in a year..."

"This is a gateway red flag. Give him this inch (well, it's actually more like a mile, what an odd request, ay?), and he's gonna start trying to control other aspects of your life, guaranteed to the point where you may even get isolated from all of your friends and family and support systems, just because he'll be scared they'll tell you what they think about him."

"The truth of the matter is, obvious from this post alone, is that he's abusing you and manipulating you because he's insecure with himself and fears abandonment. The gaslighting from this guy I can already tell will be horrendous." - Cute-Profession9983

After receiving feedback, the OP shared an uplifting update.

"There are so many comments now, I can't possibly reply to them all! I wasn't expecting to get this many replies!"

"I just wanted to thank you all for your thoughts and let you know after reading and discussing the comments, we have decided it's best to end things. I feel the relationship won't be healthy, and he thinks he needs to work on himself before being in a relationship."

"I was pleasantly surprised by his ability to take the criticism on board and hope this helps him become a better partner to someone in the future."

"And I will be spending a lot more time in the gym now!!"

After the update came in, the subReddit would undoubtedly breathe a sigh of relief, not only for the OP who realized she deserved better, but because her ex-boyfriend realized that he could do better.

There's no telling what led to his behavior and beliefs in the first place; past relationship trauma could be at the root of it, or maybe even his upbringing. But at least at the age of 27, it wasn't too late for him to grow and prepare himself for a healthier relationship in the future.