There are moments in their children's lives that parents can't wait to witness.
Taking their first steps, graduating from high school, getting married.
Some parents consider any achievement by their children a momentous occasion, and refuse to miss any moment of consequence in their child's life.
Even when it's a moment they are not exactly welcome to.
The daughter of Redditor Attitude-Mean was about to go through one of these special moments.
A moment the original poster (OP) had every intention of being present at.
Until, that is, their daughter's boyfriend "disinvited" them from this event.
Wondering if it would be wrong to show up regardless, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for Wanting to Show Up to My Daughter’s Secret Proposal While Uninvited By Her Fiancé?"
The OP explained why they were conflicted about making an appearance at their daughter's proposal:
"My daughter and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for two and a half years, and her boyfriend asked me for his blessing last week to marry my daughter."
"He recently called me on the phone and indirectly asked me if I could please not show up to their proposal."
"I am conflicted on deciding whether or not to show up to their proposal."
"I am a single mother to her as her father died when she was two years old, so I have been a widowed parent to her for 21 years and a parent in general to her for 23 years."
"I feel that being a single parent holds more of an impact when it comes to my presence at her proposal because if I don’t show up, no parent of hers will."
"I can’t discuss this decision with my daughter yet, because it would spoil the surprise of her engagement."
"I know that she would want me to be there for her proposal, but I know it’s her fiancé’s proposal as well, and I don’t want to disrespect his wishes."
"I don’t know if it would be wrong of me to show up for my daughter’s proposal even thought I’m technically uninvited."
"I feel that I should show up for my daughter because I am an important person to her, and this is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of event, but I don’t know if it’s a selfish decision of mine to show up uninvited."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who generally agreed that they were the a**hole for wanting to be present at their daughter's proposal.
Everyone agreed that the OP was not thinking of their daughters best interest, but only of themself, and had no business being at their daughter's proposal:
"YTA."
"Parents do not need to be at proposals."
"You were specifically not invited."
"Don’t show up where you weren’t invited."- malibuklw
"The fact that your daughter's fiancé felt like he needed to preemptively ask you not to show up at a surprise proposal is a sign that you exhibit some boundary issues when it comes to your daughter."
"Think hard and long about that fact, and congratulate your daughter and her boyfriend afterward."
"YTA."- CrepuscularCorvid
“'But I don’t know if it’s a selfish decision of me to show up uninvited.”
"I think you know."
"YTA."- PomegranateNo4660
"YTA."
"This is about them, not you."- NoNamesLeft998
"YTA."
"You were specifically not invited."
"Let them have their privacy and celebrate later."
"Do not start by violating boundaries."- oaksandpines1776
"YTA."
"You are making so much of this about yourself, and it shouldn't be."
"Unless explicitly invited, parents aren't present at proposals; the person proposing and the person being proposed to should both be there."
"Some of the way you talk about this as well makes it seem like you might struggle with respecting boundaries."
"The fact that the fiancé pre-emptively uninvited you and you are still considering going tells me that he knew you might show up, which I'm going to guess is based on past behavior."
"The fact that you're still considering going seems to indicate that you don't easily accept being told no and possibly trample over other people's boundaries, especially your daughter's, and lean on the fact that you're a widowed single parent to her to justify that."
"You might want to really do some introspection."- claudia_grace
"I don’t think you’re uninvited- that implies you were invited at one time."
"I think you’re just flat out not invited."
"Which is normal for a proposal."
"Please don’t make your future son-in-law sorry he shared this secret with you about his intentions to propose."
"YTA."- Bigtomhead
"YTA."
"In what world is it normal for a parent to be present at the proposal?"
"You're right, it is selfish."
"Don't go, you'll see photos and hear about it before everyone else anyway."- whatthefrelll
Of course, YTA."
"This is about your daughter and her boyfriend."
"Your status as a single parent is completely irrelevant."
"This has nothing to do with parents."
"Do not show up."- JustThatWeirdGirl
"YTA."
"Why would you be there?"
"The fact that he even had to tell you not to come says a lot about you - and none of it is good."
"Do you often insert yourself into their lives?"
"Do you always make everything about you?"
"If you want any type of relationship with your daughter, you really need to reevaluate your behavior."
"Otherwise you’ll be making a post crying about how you don’t know why your daughter has gone no contact with you."-JP1029384756
"YTA."
"I don’t understand why you’d feel conflicted about going when you were explicitly asked not to come."- SpaceKiohtee
"This isn’t about you being her only parent."
"This isn’t about you being the one to raise her."
"This isn’t about what you think you know she would want."
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU."
"Unless it’s a public proposal and other family and friends will be there, it’s a private moment for the two of them to share and talk about later if they choose to."
"I love my father and would absolutely not have wanted any sort of audience for my proposal."
"It would have been awkward and annoying."
"He specifically asked you not to show up."
"He does not want you there."
"He wants it to be about himself and your daughter."
"What else have you inserted yourself into throughout their relationship that even made him feel like it was necessary to single you out and tell you not to come?"
"YTA and you would be incredibly selfish to show up and make this about you when it’s not at all supposed to be."- Euphoric-Maximum192
"YTA."
"Parents don’t need to be at proposals."- HapaC13
"YTA."
"Are you going to crash their honeymoon, too?"
"Move into their first house?"
"Come on."
"It's not about you AND he asked you not to be there."- Fickle-Range-8140
"YTA."
"Don't do that."
"Proposals aren't for parents."
"Be happy for them but stay back."- Sweet_Cinnabonn
"YTA."
"Obviously you’ve interfered before or he’s told you to stay away."- Hot-Freedom-5886
"Don’t cross that boundary."
"YTA."- Sea_Roof3637
"YTA."
"Proposals are not a family affair; you should not be there."
"You will ruin it."
"You will get to enjoy the wedding, look forward to that."- chaserscarlet
"YTA."
"How do you know that your daughter would want you there?"
"The fact that her boyfriend had to call you and specifically ask you NOT to show up sounds to me like you have been inserting yourself into their relationship."
"Or, they have discussed proposals, and she doesn't want you there, you don't know?"
"Having a deceased husband does not give you any additional parental rights, so check that right now."
"This reads like the mom that dives into the gender reveal with her child and steals the moment from the couple - please don't be (stop being) that person!"
"Step back and let your daughter have her moment with her boyfriend and let her share her excitement with you!"- AbFab-alicious
"YTA."
"Not a moment about you - stay away."- AellaReeves
"'I feel that being a single parent holds more of an impact when it comes to my presence at her proposal because if I don’t show up, no parent of hers will'."
"Parents being at a proposal is not a 'thing'."
"It happens, sure, but it's not the usual."
"If you want to get off on the wrong foot with your soon-to-be SIL, sure, show up."
"Keep in mind you were absolutely not invited."
"YTA."- Gattina1
Being their daughter's only living parent, the OP's desire to always be there for her is understandable.
That being said, single parents also need to allow their children to grow up, and find their own way in life.
Hopefully, the OP will realize that they will be doing their daughter a service by staying away when her boyfriend proposes.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.