Education can always be a touchy subject when it comes up in conversation.
Namely, owing to the fact that it is almost always guaranteed to elicit judgment.
Some people judge parents' decisions on the school they decided to send their children to.
While others might even go so far as to judge a child based on how quickly they are, or aren't, learning certain things.
The nephew of Redditor WestMarsupial484 recently changed his schooling situation.
Working in education themself, the original poster (OP) was curious to hear about what he had been learning.
A question that deeply offended the OP's sister.
Concerned they may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my home-schooled nephew about where he was in the curriculum?"
The OP explained why their sister did not appreciate their curiosity about her son's education:
"Hi, I wanted to ask here, because this is something important to me, my sister and I have a good relationship so I want to know if I was in the wrong."
"My nephew is in 6th grade and at least since the beginning of this current school year he's been homeschooled by my sister."
"She had felt that they didn't really teach much in school so she had decided to homeschool him."
"My niece (his older sister) is attending high school."
"Yesterday, I was at her place, I was talking to my nephew about how his home classes are going, he said they were going well."
"I asked him what was the last thing he did in math (being a math tutor myself, I was interested in that) and he was having trouble recalling what they covered, naming the concept or giving me an example question."
"My sister then stepped in and told me what they'd covered."
"I named some topics which are introduced in 6th grade, and since it's close to the end of the year, asked if he'd learned them."
"She said we're doing it at our pace."
"I dropped it, but admittedly was a bit surprised because until a few years back, it seemed like he was ahead of school, really quick with answering mental math questions (which I used to ask at my sister's encouragement)."
"I know mental math is a totally different skillset and doesn't necessarily mean that the head start carries over to other topics but it still surprised me."
"Today in the morning, I was talking to my mom, and she told me that my sister thought I was kind of being an AH, that I'm not a parent, what do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching, and that my nephew is shy as it is and I didn't help matters by quizzing him like this."
"I tried explaining it, but just ended up agreeing with my mom that my sister would know best he's her son, and that I shouldn't have done it."
"Was I the AH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for asking their nephew what they were learning.
Everyone agreed that the OP was merely asking a valid question, with many pointing out how the OP's sister may have inadvertently revealed that she wasn't up to homeschooling her son if she had so much to "juggle".
"NTA."
"If raising kids, doing your home chores, and teaching is too much of a load for you, then you put the kid back in school rather than potentially put them behind for life."- policywank
"NTA."
"Your sister said they were going at their own pace, but literally told your mother she is juggling a million things along with his education."
"So they are going at her pace."
"One that doesn't seem to be prioritizing keeping up with his grade."
"Your sisters are likely so defensive because she knows on some level she f*cked up."- Distinct-Practice131
"If you ask me, parents like your sister are playing God with their children's future."
"Your sister will not suffer unemployment when her homeschooling fails."
"Your nephew will."
"Unfortunately, he is unlikely to realize this."
"I'd be concerned too."
"NTA."- FriendlyRiothamster
"NTA."
"And if she can't handle juggling chores, raising kids, and teaching, then she shouldn't be homeschooling."
"But it is also ok to meet a kid where they're at on each subject."- Own-Crazy8086
"NTA."
"If your sister can't juggle housework and teaching, then she shouldn't be teaching."- Single_Many597
"NTA."
"If your sister can't juggle housework and teaching, then she shouldn't be teaching."- Single_Many597
"NTA."
"it’s so sad when parents sabotage their children’s future like this."- Optimal_Shirt6637
"NTA, if your sister cannot adequately homeschool her son regarding the math he needs to know for his grade level, she either needs to hire a tutor or your nephew needs to go back to school."- GoetheundLotte
"NTA."
"Most people think they’re qualified to homeschool when they actually are not."- celebrate_everything
"NTA."
"If it’s something you have done with him in the past and was encouraged to do by your sister."
"From what you have written, it seems she might be a bit defensive now as she has realized how hard it is to teach your kid and juggle everything else."- drinkingspilttea
"If she's too busy to teach him, she shouldn't be homeschooling him."
"Educating someone requires both time and ability."
"Provisionally NTA."
"I only say it that way because I don't know what your questioning was like, whether you had a good attitude about it etc."
"It's one thing to just be interested, especially when it's something you already have an interest in."
"It's another if you were trying to make a point by quizzing him."
"If you were just asking in a friendly way, out of genuine interest, then her response seems over the top."
"She's defensive."
"She's making excuses for why she's not teaching him instead of dealing with it."
"Either because she's finding this harder than she thought it would be, or just isn't trying."
"Whichever it is, she needs to accept she's not capable of doing this."
"It's only going to hurt him."
"Think about how you approached this."
"If it really was in a nonchalant, just interested way, then maybe you can try and ask her why it made her so defensive."
"Please think carefully about how to ask."
"If you realize/admit that you were trying to catch her out for having not taught him, you need to apologize."
"Because that wasn't helpful nor productive."
"You will have embarrassed your nephew."
"What's more, you'll have alienated your sister by offending her."
"You can't help him if she's mad at you and he believes you think he's stupid."- Attirey
"NTA."
"From your version of events it sounds like you asked him about school (a great thing to ask a kid about) and conversed about your specific knowledge of it."
"While I make room for the possibility that some judgement of yours slipped out in tone, facial expression, and/or body language... I can safely assume from your story that you didn't directly challenge her."
"BTW, even if you are right about the quality of home schooling being sub-standard..."
"NOT challenging her is the correct call."
"From your story she won't listen to you (or probably anyone else)."
"Pushing at a home-school mom with the truth they don't want to hear will only damage your relationship."
"You will never convince her."
"NEVER."
"I'm not sure about your mom, tho."- BMal_Suj
"NTA."
"In my experience, a lot of people who homeschool do so for all the wrong reasons."
"They get in over their head and can’t provide the education they need, or they never intended to use more traditional curriculum and the kids get behind because of it."- Ianthin1
"NTA."
"This mindset: 'What do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching', is the issue."
'It sounds like these three are on par."
But teaching your kids should be treated like a job. Maybe not full-time, but definitely 30 hours per week. I don't hear other people with a 12 and 15-18 yo complain about not being able to do their job because of having to raise their kids and doing chores.
"And the benefit of homeschooling kids is that you can incorporate the 'raising kids' part of your duties into your 'job', so it should actually be easier to do everything."
"When you 'come home' from work, you don't need to spend time on raising your kids, because you've been doing that during the day."
"Also, one kid is in HS, the other is in 6th grade."
"They should be able to do most chores."
"The fact that the OP's sister was taken aback that they asked her son a question about math is fairly surprising."- prank_mark
Considering that it is their profession, after all.
If the OP's sister is this insecure over a simple question about her son's schooling, then maybe she should give her current arrangement some serious reconsideration.
