Balancing family, school, and work as an adult is not easy.
There never seems to be enough time in the day.
There is always an aspect of life that requires immediate attention.
That’s why prioritizing is imperative.
However, sometimes, how someone prioritizes a certain aspect of the balance isn’t appreciated by others.
Redditor Original_Storage1199 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids when she had an important work dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) am currently working full-time while taking night classes for my master’s degree.”
“My schedule is PACKED.”
“My sister (30 F) has two kids (4 and 6) and constantly asks me to babysit last minute.”
“Like, I’ve helped her out at least 15 times in the past 3 months alone.”
“Sometimes with literally 2 hours’ notice.”
“I’ve missed study groups, rescheduled meetings, and even called out sick once to help her.”
“I love my niece and nephew, but OMG, it’s getting ridiculous.”
“Yesterday, she texted me at 4 pm asking if I could watch the kids from 6-11 pm because her regular sitter canceled.”
“I had a HUGE exam the next morning worth 40% of my grade that I needed to study for.”
“I told her I couldn’t this time and suggested she try the babysitting app I showed her before.”
“She freaked out saying it was an important work thing and I was the only person she trusted.”
“I stood my ground for once and said no.”
“She ended up missing her work event.”
“Now my whole family is blowing up my phone.”
“Apparently this ‘work thing’ was actually a dinner with her boss where they were discussing a promotion.”
“My parents are saying I’m selfish and should have just ‘studied earlier’ (as if grad school works that way lol).”
“My sister is giving me the silent treatment and posted a vague F[ace]Book] status about ‘People who don’t value family.'”
“Like???”
“I’ve dropped everything for her kids so many times, but the ONE time I prioritize my education, I’m the villain?”
“I feel bad about the promotion thing, but also feel like I’m becoming her default childcare without any consideration for my life.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to be her emergency babysitter this ONE time?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Just keep reiterating that you were asked last minute the night before a major exam worth 40% of your grade.”
“You already babysit at the drop of a hat, often making personal sacrifices to do so, which is already an unreasonable expectation.”
“You don’t owe her the sacrifice of your future so she can have kids with no drawbacks to her life.”
“These are not your kids.”
“It is not your responsibility.”
“If in a crazy spin of the wheel of fate, two important events coincide and one of you has to sacrifice something in order for her kids to be looked after, she is the one who will have to make the sacrifice because they are her kids.’
“You must feel like you are taking crazy pills.”
“If I were you I’d tell them that their attitude is so wrong that you are backing off from making any sacrifices to babysit her kids entirely.”
“It’s like no good deed goes unpunished.”
“Maybe after her life starts suffering when she has to make her own sacrifices more often, rather than you making them in her place, she might start appreciating what you have been doing for her so far and give up the expectation that her life always comes before yours.”
“You won’t hold your breath, though.” ~ kurokomainu
“OP needs to stop being too available.”
“Calling in sick to get a job to babysit?!”
“Behavior like that encourages this overreach.” ~ coffee_u
“I think the dinner being about a promotion is a lie.”
“If it’s true, it’s unprofessional.”
“It’s not the 1950s anymore.”
“Also, if this dinner cost her the promotion, that’s a massive red flag, and she should be looking for a new job.”
“Pretty sure the sister just made it up to manipulate the family into giving OP a hard time so she will think twice about saying no in the future.”
“OP you’re NTA and your sister is trying to play you.” ~ Tiny_pufferfish
“NTA. Presumably, your sister knew about this dinner more than 2 hours before it started?”
“Why didn’t she plan ahead?”
“She’s gotten comfortable relying on you for last-minute babysitting, and it’s a good thing you kept to your boundaries and said no, so she (hopefully) realizes that she can’t take advantage of you anymore.”
“I could be wrong, but from the way you told it, it seems like there’s some favoritism towards your sister if everyone is so up in arms about her missing this one work dinner when you’ve sacrificed your own work and education time for her over and over.” ~ schmeveroni
“NTA, it sounds like her giving you the silent treatment is probably a good thing, it will give her a chance to figure some things out, like having more than one sitter she can rely on.”
“Post a message to her FaceBook about how hard it is when your family doesn’t value education or time put towards it and doesn’t support you working towards your future career goals or respect how much you’ve paid in tuition.”
“Tell your family directly to put up or shut up, where were they if this was so important?”
“Whenever someone calls me selfish for putting my needs first, my response is, ‘Ya, I’m okay with that,’ and then there’s not much else for them to say!” ~ Ok-Knowledge9154
“I would seriously Never Babysit For Her Again.”
“She’s built up this entitlement with all her last-minute shenanigans, which you’ve complied with.”
“Now it’s time to change that dynamic entirely by not allowing it any longer.”
“It’s not as if you’re getting credit for all the times you’ve moved your own plans around, you’re just getting denigrated for saying no once.”
“One damn time!”
“So change it up.”
“Make a statement about it beforehand, or not, but don’t babysit for her again.”
“She’s lost her rights to your time by being a total AH to you.”
“Anyone who’s giving you crap about it can babysit for her.”
“Done. NTA.” ~ Blue-Being22
“A lack of planning on her part doesn’t constitute an emergency on yours.”
“Why is it always you who has to rearrange your schedule for her?”
“Does she ever do the same for you?”
“And why can’t your parents babysit if it’s so important? NTA.” ~ Jdawn82
“NTA. If your parents feel a certain way about it, they need to step up and start babysitting for your sister.”
“You did not lay down and create those children, and you do not owe your sister free babysitting whenever she feels like it.” ~ New-Comment2668
“NTA. The entitlement of your sister!!!”
“You have your own life, school, and exams to get ready for, and she doesn’t give a rat’s furry behind.”
“She’s selfish and has the audacity to paint you as the villain while acting like she’s entitled to your time.”
“OP, I’m sorry your family sucks.”
“Ignore them and concentrate on your studies.”
“She had other options, you didn’t.”
“The fact that she missed that important work dinner is her fault, not yours.”
“She’s the mother of those children, and finding childcare, even in an emergency situation, is her responsibility.”
“You did nothing wrong.” ~ WoodlandElf90
“NTA. All those people blowing up your phone could have babysat.”
“Your sister needs to have backup sitters beside you.” ~ Jodenaje
“NTA. Your sister needs a deeper bench of sitters, but it is not your responsibility to put your life on hold every time she needs a babysitter.”
“This should be a wake-up call to your sister to find a solution.”
“And how is your sister valuing family if she wants you to flunk an important exam for her promotion chances?” ~ Quick-Possession-245
“I am also working full-time while getting my master’s degree.”
“I barely have time to complete all of my coursework after work in the evenings.”
“You do NOT have time to babysit last minute while maintaining your grades.”
“School should be the number 1 priority for you.”
“If your family can’t understand why someone who is working full-time while doing evening classes isn’t available to drop everything at the last minute, then they can sulk in a corner.”
“Stand your ground and don’t babysit unless it’s an absolute emergency (sister or kids have to go to the ER).” ~ Nyankitty666
“HOLYCHIT NTA.”
“Going the petty route, respond to her passive-aggressive post with something along the lines of, ‘OMG! I was thinking the same thing.'”
“‘I am so stressed with my full-time job and classes for my graduate degree.'”
“‘I don’t even have time for myself, and still, I’m expected to go above and beyond for the same family who refuses to see me as anything other than a last-minute babysitter.'” ~ MostlyUseful
“NTA. Your sister is older, and further progressed in life and career, and yet she (and your family) consider that to be more important than you getting to progress at all in yours.”
“You are not her resource; you need to have the chance to build your life yourself.”
“Yes, this dinner was to discuss a promotion, but if she’s really not going to get promoted because she had last-minute childcare problems, then this is a very toxic work environment that will mean she will keep expecting you to drop everything to help her.”
“And 40% of your grade can make a significant difference in your future.”
“Though you should also have prepared sooner since a night-before cram isn’t really that useful at a grad school level.”
“Significant things here don’t ring true.” ~ calling_water
“NTA. All this nonsense is to bring you back in line so you don’t turn her down again.”
“This time feels hard to you because it sounds like this is your role in the family- the more you do not – the easier it will get.”
“I bet if you look closer, you are going to see other places where you are bullied into things.” ~ scoops_noodle
“NTA, but you need to start setting boundaries down now and have a life!”
“Say no each time from now.”
“Of course, she will start talking to you again when she needs a babysitter and wants it for free!!”
“If you do decide to babysit, then start charging!”
“Anyone who messages you. Tell them.”
“Thanks for volunteering. I’ll tell sis you’re willing to help babysit next time when I have a major exam at an hour’s notice. 😀.”
“And where are your parents to help with babysitting?”
“They should be her no 1 option.” ~ Strong_Storm_2167
“Where are these family members when sis needs a babysitter???”
“Anyone who makes judgy comments can step up and help out!”
“Message sister weekly that she needs to find a reliable babysitter! NTA.” ~ Abystract-ism
“NTA, not your kids, not your problem.”
“Just don’t babysit ever again, and she’ll have to make other arrangements.” ~ Comfort_Not_Speed_50
“Definitely NTA, and I got to say, a meeting at that time of night with the boss sounds pretty sketchy.” ~ Mystery-Ess
“NTA. Also, please read everything you just posted TO HER.”
“People who constantly take advantage of someone else need to hear EXACTLY what they are doing, to their face.”
“Yes, some people are very dense.”
“Your sister is one of them.”
“If your parents are so upset, why aren’t they stepping up to help your sister?”
“You are not responsible for your sister’s responsibilities.” ~ HockeyMom128
“NTA. Also, please read everything you just posted TO HER.”
“People who constantly take advantage of someone else need to hear EXACTLY what they are doing, to their face.”
“Yes, some people are very dense.”
“Your sister is one of them.”
“If your parents are so upset, why aren’t they stepping up to help your sister?”
“You are not responsible for your sister’s responsibilities.” ~ HockeyMom128
“NTA. I’d reply to her post dates you’ve provided child care last minute and what you canceled yourself to make it happen.”
“Go on to say you love your niece and nephew but that sometimes your life is going to take priority.” ~ Tylerinthenorth
Reddit is with you, OP.
You had to put yourself first.
Your parents should understand that.
Maybe going low contact for a while would be best.
Never feel bad for sticking up for yourself.
Good luck.