The story of the boy who cried wolf is partly about the consequences of lying. There's also something to be said about desensitizing people through repeated false alarms.
But it's the lying that eventually leads to no one believing the boy and his being eaten, or his sheep getting eaten depending on which version you read, when a real wolf finally arrives.
A sibling turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their sister lied to them to get free childcare on short notice.
Brave_Body_1532 asked:
"AITA for refusing to babysit because my sister took advantage of me the last time I did?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Towards the end of last year my sister reached out to me to help babysit her 4-year-old because she was going to be out of state for work. I’ve helped her many times before, but it’s usually a few hours or sometimes morning until night."
"But this was unusual because she never had to travel out for work before as she mostly works from home right now and she never accepts jobs—she's a makeup artist—from out of state because of her child. But I didn’t think much of it at the time, just thought she believed it was worth it and I had to help her."
"I accepted, even though it came at a personal cost because I had to cancel two appointments for my work to be able to do that. Now she was supposed to be back by Sunday evening, but she called me in the morning to say she won’t be back until Tuesday morning."
"She apologized that she was so busy and had many reasons to stay longer. This was another inconvenience for me, but because I believed she was working, I accepted."
"I only found out she lied when she got back and came straight to pick up her girl. Because of how she looked, I looked through her bag and none of the stuff showed any signs of someone who travelled for work."
"When I confronted her, she laughed about it and said there really was no difference where she went to and 'aren’t you happy you got to spend days with your niece like you always wanted?'. I tried to explain to her it wasn’t about that, but she just left."
"There was no reason to lie to me, I would probably have said yes, and she never apologized for lying. That's what bothered me most."
"I didn’t make a big fuss over it again after then and we’ve been good. I still visit them, but the problem is last week she told me she got a job and it’d require her to be away for one full day, not out of state though."
"I have said 'No' to her because of what she did the last time. She showed me that this is real and not what happened before, but I still said 'No' and she should start looking for a babysitter now that she still has time as the job is next week."
"She says I’m being petty and selfish and would rather she turned down a job than help. But I think my reaction is valid."
"Or am I the a**hole?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"So I am refusing to babysit my niece as I usually do so my sister can work because she lied to me the last time I did even though she has proved this is different and might lose the job if I don’t help. Maybe that makes me the a**hole."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. She flat out lied to you about her trip, and then went on to extend it last minute. She broke your trust, disrespected you, and then tried to play it off like it was no big deal."
"Like your time doesn't matter. She took advantage of your kindness and never even apologized."
"You're not being petty, she's minimizing what she did and trying to dodge accountability."
"Also, pretty f*cking wild to call the person you are asking for help petty." ~ Stranger0nReddit
"I wonder if she did extend it last minute or if she baited and switched the OP about the length as well as the nature of the trip." ~ Threadheads
"NTA. She decided she needed a vacation. Rather than tell you the truth, she lied, manipulated you, and had the gall to extend it by two days. She was both unapologetic and still chose not to tell you why she needed to escape parenthood for her trip."
"She violated your autonomy, comfort and resources by deceiving you for her convenience. That's hurtful, objectifying, devaluing and trust shattering. She treated you as her resource to use, regardless of your own priorities and needs, or the cost to you. Like an appliance she can turn on and off at her convenience. That changes your relationship."
cIt's not a matter of 'punishing her' for a sufficient period of time, after which 'things will be just like before'. It calls for a shift in your boundaries, withdrawing and restricting her access to your time, energy and resources to protect you from her using you in such a manipulative, controlling and objectifying way again."
"I agree that you should refuse any more free services for your sister, particularly free child care, for as long as it takes for you to fully process, understand, accept and support all of your thoughts and feelings around this event. When you are ready and energized to deal with her again, you can gradually increase her access to you and your resources at your comfort level."
"If you WANT to 'watch' your niece at your convenience; have a visit or take her out somewhere, by all means make the offer. Keep a close eye on your own feelings. Examine situations where you feel uncomfortable. Chances are you need stronger boundaries there protecting your safety, privacy, autonomy, comfort and resources." ~ curious382
"Her poor planning (and lies) are not your problem."
"People who easily take advantage of others, manipulate, and then cry when they don't get their way should not be counting on favors. NTA." ~ n2oc10h12c8h10n402
"NTA. Just like the old story of the boy who cried wolf, you have reason not to believe her and you don't trust her. It has nothing to do with how much you love your niece and how you want to spend time with her."
"You were wrong to go through her things, though, but if you hadn't, you wouldn't have found out the truth."
"Don't cave. She is old enough to know that she shouldn't have lied to you then she overstayed her original plan, thus continuing the lie. You cancelled your previous obligations for her and she took advantage of you."
"She has a child and it's time for her to grow up and be more responsible." ~ LoveBeach8
"NTA, she took advantage of you twice over, putting you out when she didn't really need to and lied about that. And then again when she extended it last minute, which obviously wasn't necessary since she wasn't working. She's used up all favors she gets." ~ SafetyFluid8535
"NTA. I feel like your initial choice of not babysitting again is the correct one. Your sister being up front and honest with you is the bare minimum." ~ Key-Canary-2513
"Yes, if OP's sister truly believed there was no difference between a work trip and a trip for leisure, then she would have told the truth from the start. She purposefully chose to lie and deceive OP because she was worried OP would deny her if it wasn't a work trip or put conditions."
"She did not give OP the true full picture to prevent her from making a fully-informed decision. That's incredibly gross behaviour towards someone who is going out of their way to help you out."
"Definitely not someone who appreciates and is considerate of all you do for them. They are just trying to take advantage and get as much out of you as possible." ~ Le_Fancy_Me
"NTA. She lied to you about the purpose of the last trip. She lied about when she was returning. In the mean time you had to rearrange your life and miss work."
"You are not petty. She is acting entitled and frankly it would be a cold day in H3ll before I would sit for her again." ~ SetIcy438
"NTA. She took advantage of you and doesn't see a problem with that. So it won't be the last time she tries to." ~ Jadeisland
"NTA - when someone says 'please watch kid for x amount of days' and then just decides to do whatever else for longer, that’s being taken advantage of."
"You said, 'She showed me this was real and not what happened before' so she admits she knowingly lied, took advantage of you, and is mad you won’t help her out again?" ~ commanderof4
"NTA. She used you and lied to you. That’s messed up. Especially for the FREE babysitter."
"I wouldn’t even watch her for a few hours anymore. For like 6 months to a year. Because that’s how messed up her lying was." ~ Buffalo-Empty
"NTA - Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part. She knows she needs to work and that she has a child."
"AND the fact she abused your good will and your trust to take a VACATION and LIED TO YOU ABOUT IT then laughed it off and NEVER APOLOGIZED, that negates ANY AND ALL perceived obligations on your part."
"Stay strong, keep saying NO." ~ LizKnits2069
OP's sister's lies are why she finds herself in this situation. Until she takes responsibility for her behavior, OP is better off not doing hed any more favors.
